A moment of clarity
Though some people might protest, and though I might protest too much, I am not an alcoholic. That said, I am fully familiar with what the afflicted call a “moment of clarity.” We don’t get them very often. When we do (and by we, I mean me, of course) we generally ignore them.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past three weeks. I learned even more when I got three quick days outside of Vegas and with my family. Though much of it was spent comatose, the time I was awake made me realize a lot about who I am, and more importantly, who I should be.
I’ve made a lot of promises in my day. I usually try to live up to my word. There have been times, though, that I have failed. Usually, those failures come when I vow to be better. Often, my attempts at being better make me worse.
To all the people who have tried to talk to me in the past three weeks, to all the people who have e-mailed or commented with concern, to all the people who have tried to reach out, I can only say I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself. I’m still not entirely myself and I’m not sure if I will be for the next little while. I’m a thin layer of latex away from crazy. For people who live their life on the crazy line, I’m just another guy. However, more often than not, I consider myself the most sane person I know.
Right now, I’m not that guy.
So, this will all be over in a few weeks and I hope to return to the sane Otis everyone knows. However, this time, I’m hoping the sane Otis is a better Otis. A better father. A better husband. A better friend. A better person overall.
Who knows. I may come out of this worse than I was before. However, this time, I’m paying heed to this moment of clarity. As long as I can keep it in my sights for another month or so, I may just end up learning something from all this.