Otis miscellany

As most of you know, I’m not a meme guy. As most of you also know, I like talking about myself. So, a meme that asks me to talk about myself invites an embarrassing paradox.

In truth, I’m suffering from what I hope is a brief bout of insomnia. I think the time change from Chile (not that significant) combined with several days of staying up until dawn (very significant) has tweaked my brain a bit. No big deal, but it’s preventing me from writing anything of substance. In an effort to type, I hopped on a meme train several of my friends are riding. It asks me to note 25 things about myself. If you’re a regular reader, you may know many of these. A few might surprise you.

Either way, here they are.

1. I once ate 33 pieces of sushi in one sitting. It was too much.
2. I also once at two keno crayons for $400.
3. I now don’t eat odd things for less than $1,000.
4. I’ve never driven faster than 135 miles per hour (when I was behind the wheel)
5. I’ve only had one speeding ticket in the past ten years.
6. A guy who is now on death row confessed to me on the same day as his arrest.
7. Another guy who is now serving life took a swing at me on the same day as his arrest.
8. A bank robber once insulted my mother. Twice.
9. I would rather be awake for 24 hours straight than lie awake in bed for three hours.
10. I was 35 years old before I ate a Brussels sprout. I liked it.
11. I regularly gamble on the toss of a lime wedge.
12. I don’t really like guns, but I’ve shot a 9mm, a .40 caliber, a fully automatic machine pistol, a 12 gauge shotgun, and a variety of rifles.
13. I’ve served as a test dummy for a police taser.
14. I have been confused for my younger brother’s twin and my younger brother’s father.
15. I’ve only thought I was going to die once (15 years old, briefly trapped underwater). That was enough.
16. The only thing harder than waking up in the morning is going to sleep at night.
17. I have never seen a bear in the wild, a hurricane on the coast, or a tornado on the ground. This is despite having lived in Missouri, Mississippi, and South Carolina.
18. I once fractured my sternum in an embarrassing school assembly accident.
19. I once played on a softball team named the Kinky Jalapeños. I wasn’t very good, but our jerseys were.
20. I once misplaced my car for three days. I had not been drinking.
21. I have never been pierced.
22. Music makes me cry more often than anything else (except onions).
23. If forced to eat one sub-group of food for the rest of my life, I would choose shellfish.
24. I know what a cop out this list is. I don’t care.
25. Okay, yes, I do.

Brad Willis

Brad Willis is a writer based in Greenville, South Carolina. Willis spent a decade as an award-winning broadcast journalist. He has worked as a freelance writer, columnist, and professional blogger since 2005. He has also served as a commentator and guest on a wide variety of television, radio, and internet shows.

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6 Responses

  1. ExMember says:

    Shouldn’t number 8 read “A bank robber twice insulted my mother.”?

  2. T says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever been told the missing car story. Classic Otis!

    Oh, @ExMember…..shut it.

  3. change100 says:

    I want to hear the story behind #13!

  4. TeamScottSmith says:

    You were really building things up on 1 thru 9, I expected #10 to be something like “I beat Chuck Norris up once with one arm tied behind my back.” Not mmmm brussel sprouts.

    And you should combine 1&2 sometimes, and get someone to pay you to eat 2 sashimi baby octopi. If someone won’t pay you, I don’t reccommend it.

  5. Fulkie says:

    Come on, I think #2 deserves an embed of the video. LOL

  6. Da Goddess says:

    #18, really? That’s a story begging to be told! And as a nurse, I demand graphic details.