How long?

Monday night is poker night around these parts and for the past few years I have convened with the same group of guys to play cards on an weekly basis. The host of the game had told us the previous week that there may not be a game last night because, well, it was his 13th wedding anniversary.

So, yesterday morning, I sent an e-mail to Blood asking in the subject line “How long” and in the body “do we give the Gooch before we start pestering him” about whether there would be a game.

And of course, for the next 16 hours (literally) I was singing this song.

The funny thing was, on the other end of the ether, Blood was singing “How Long Has This Been Going On?”

All of that led me to start Googling the phrase ‘How long.’

I’ll admit a small fascination with Google’s new-ish auto-complete function that gives you some of the most popular options for the first few words of your search. The “How Long” search was a real treat.

Here are the top options for How Long.

How long does weed stay in your system?
How long does it take to get a passport?
How long does alcohol stay in your system?
How long does it take to get pregnant?
How long does the flu last?
How long to boil an egg?
How long does sperm live?
How long does implantation bleeding last?
How long is the Great Wall of China?

If you ever want to really get to know the people around you, just look at Google’s auto-complete. We’re apparently surrounded by people who get drunk, stoned, and pregnant, don’t know how to cook, and are planning to get a passport to go to China.

These are our people.

(Oh, and we did play cards. Happy anniversary Mrs. Gooch!)

Brad Willis

Brad Willis is a writer based in Greenville, South Carolina. Willis spent a decade as an award-winning broadcast journalist. He has worked as a freelance writer, columnist, and professional blogger since 2005. He has also served as a commentator and guest on a wide variety of television, radio, and internet shows.

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3 Responses

  1. Julius_Goat says:

    This reminds me of the Tribe Called Quest song “What?”

    What are the youth if they ain’t rebellin’?
    What is Ralph Kramden
    If he ain’t yellin’
    At Ed Norton?
    What is coke snortin’?
    What is position if there ain’t no contortin’?

  2. Dr. Chako says:

    How long must we sing this song?

    -DrC

  3. The Wife says:

    I’m surprised there was not an auto-complete for “how long” with respect to male genitalia . . that was probably next on the list.

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