On pretense and population
The reason it’s so easy to remember that people largely suck and are more often than not idiots is because there are so many of them. This is as evident in Chinese smog as...
Category: Sex
Why I’m angry at Mark Sanford
Like the stages of grief associated with the death of a loved one, I’ve gone through several levels of discombobulation with South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. I skipped Disbelief, moved onto Seriously?, and swam...
Mark Sanford boned me
Barbecue makes me hot, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Whether the sauce is based in ketchup, mustard, or vinegar, it might as well be Spanish Fly shaken with raw oyster liquor. I...
Vasectomy in pictures
When I go to foreign countries in which I don’t speak the language, I often depend on contextual clues to make sure I don’t end up in an uncomfortable situation. For instance, in Argentina...
Snip
The Boy was going for a haircut. Pre-vacation, a couple weeks before school starts, a haircut is like putting on war paint. With school supply swords and a good high and tight trim, a...
It’s not for my nipples
“Call me when you leave the gym,” my wife said. “I’m not sure if I’m going to have time to pick up my prescription.” I was listening. I promise. Just not enough to ask...
When you gonna put the paint on my belly?
Katie looked at me and pulled out her tools. I looked back and remembered I hadn’t worn my wedding ring. I felt guilty as the blond, taut woman put her hand on my arm...
Double dipping, as explained by Joe Henfield
(Paradise Island, Bahamas) — You have to imagine the thick Bahamian accent and a guy who looks a little like Jim Brown. That’s Joe Henfield, a private limo driver in Nassau. He doesn’t have...
Making my wife happy
My wife has never said this, but I get the impression she loves the fact I am out of shape and stupid. My kid’s fourth birthday party got me thinking about it. As I...
13-Minute Sex and the DVR
Thank goodness for Science. Bless it. Really. Not even a year ago, Science gave us, ahem, proof that guys prefer hot chicks. That’s why we pay Science. That’s why we drop Science like Galileo...
No joke
In recogition of this most important of days…I offer a snippet of an old post that explains a lot about me… *** I lost my virginity on April Fools Day. Looking back, there was...
The marriage bed
My wife and I have a problem in the bedroom. I’ve slept in more places than I can count–from five-star hotels to hammocks, I’ve seen it all. I’ve woken up on the best mattress...
And you want to be my latex salesman…
It’s a smoky room with a big screen TV, leather couches, and a poker table. It’s where I spend one night a week with a collection of salesmen, developers, engineers, retirees, and dentists. It...