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# Rapid Eye Reality

Home of Brad Willis: writer, traveler, and suburban warrior

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://rapideyereality.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [Mirrors & Mountains](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2017/11/26/mirrors-mountains/) - My phone was on the bathroom counter while I brushed my teeth in front of the mirror. I stood there studying myself in the most mundane and unattractive of moments. My phone lit up with a text message in front of me. This is how we learn about tragedy today. It was how I learned
- [Goodbye to my dog](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/07/08/goodbye-to-my-dog/) - The funny thing is...I never wanted the dog. It was February 1999 and I was home sick from work in Jackson, Mississippi. My wife, then a producer at a television station, called me and begged me to turn the channel to the station for which she worked. "Can I bring her home?" she asked. On
- [Notes on fear](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/08/24/notes-on-fear/) - The note read, "If I die." Nothing else. There was no last will and testament. There were no instructions. There was only a flower blossom picked from somewhere else. I was soaked with sweat and attached by a six-foot blue nylon leash to a 72-pound yellow lab puppy. We had hiked as far as we
- [Healthcare, taxes, and the HSA solution](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/15/healthcare-taxes-and-the-hsa-solution/) - I looked like a grumpy Republican. Receipts were flying out of my printer, my wife was calling out numbers from across the room, and I was looking at an invoice for private school tuition that cost as much or more than my college education. Meanwhile, my itemized property tax receipt was showing that $864.98 the
- [Our new girl](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/30/our-new-girl/) - We spent nearly three months walking around a quiet house. We spent three months with no reason to make sure we didn't leave a box of crackers unattended. We spent three months without seeing our sons smile because a furry little creature was doing something funny. It was about three months too long. I miss
- [Dear Coach Pinkel](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/04/10/dear-coach-pinkel/) - Updated below Tonight I sit here in South Carolina and look at my wife. She’s wearing a fleece with a tiger on the back. Today, I drove my car to the gym. It has a tiger on the front license plate. All winter long, I wore a Mizzou pullover. I have a cap I wear
- [American sunrise](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2017/12/12/american-sunrise/) - They called it Freedom Day, and I was skeptical. That’s what I’ve learned to become in my four decades on this planet. I was taught to feel pride. I was taught to feel exceptional. I was taught to feel lucky to have been born in the greatest country on Earth. I learned instead to be
- [American Just Desserts](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2018/01/04/american-just-desserts/) - It was a duplex in a mid-1990s tract home neighborhood where all the siding was the same color and an old folks home sat 50 yards off the back porch. We had a concrete slab as a patio, a triangle of hammocks we called "The Trinity of Leisure," and a plastic orange bush that someone
- [Dogs at large](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/28/dogs-at-large/) - The dogs were determined, six in a haphazard row, straight from Disney, a mix of colors, sizes, and uncertain breeds. They looked as though they owned the streets but had a higher power to which they owed an answer. God, or certainly as close as it would come for the dogs this day, was no
- [Ode to Black Dog](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/02/17/ode-to-black-dog/) - There’s this black dog in my house. Let’s call her Black Dog. She’s been here for two weeks, and I just told my wife to say her goodbyes. *** I absorbed my old dog’s death under 108° sun in the back parking lot of Las Vegas’ Rio Hotel and Casino. I sat down against a
- [Meals, Mugs, and me](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2017/12/03/meals-mugs-and-me/) - Mr. John opened his door. I never know when he's coming. Sometimes it takes a minute. Sometimes I have to call to make sure he heard me knock. Thursday, it was as if he had been waiting on me. "Well, hello," he said. He looked almost mischievous through the screen door between us. "Good morning!"
- [Introducing Murder, etc.](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2019/07/22/introducing-murder-etc/) - Rapid Eye Reality's Brad Willis launches investigative podcast based in Greenville, SC.
- [Charles Wakefield, finally free](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/19/charles-wakefield-finally-free/) - It was, in the jargon of my people, a scoop. I happened on it almost by accident. I had a habit of checking through probation, pardon, and parole records to see who was staying in prison and who was getting sprung. When I noticed the name "Charles Wakefield," the word "murder," and the word "parole,"
- [The Grizzly Ate Your Baby](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2018/03/01/the-grizzly-ate-your-baby/) - Several years back, my buddy and I made a wrong turn on the way to Virginia. Appalachia is the kind of place with towns called Tightsqueeze, so you’ll understand that any wrong turn is the kind of mistake that can have lasting consequences. On a previous adventure we ended up at convenience store in after-dark
- [Atlas mugged](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2018/01/25/atlas-mugged/) - I have to imagine what it’s like to live in a house with one bathtub and eight other people. I have to imagine a home that’s not even 30% of the size of the one I live in with my wife and sons—the one that on certain days we think is cramped. I have to
- [Friday Mental Massage: Missouri edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/24/friday-mental-massage-missouri-edition/) - This is going to be a quick one today, as we're loading up and moving out to a different part of the state in a few hours. I am a whale--The past two weeks of careless eating and beer drinking have turned me into sloppy mess. This is compounded by living at my mom and
- [Daddy's medicine](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/08/06/daddys-medicine/) - During the World Cup, ESPN Senior Writer Wright Thompson became enamored with a hot sauce he found in Central America. Inspired (or, perhaps a little sauced himself), he put out a call for short essays on hot sauce. He got a lot of them, among them one I whipped up because...well, I like writing about
- [Charity Worley: Tragedy compounded](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2017/12/19/charity-worley-tragedy-compounded/) - "Nothing was normal that morning." That's what Linda told me one spring day around lunch time as she thought back to the little details of the last time she saw her daughter Charity alive. On a normal day, Charity would have been begging for caffeine before heading out to work. Instead, she was sipping stale
- [Somebody died](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/21/somebody-died/) - At 5am, I was sitting in a place called the Blue Gin Bar drinking a 1664 beer and wishing I'd never even heard of a place called Monte Carlo. It was a place that a hundred people would've paid to be sitting and I wanted little more than to put the entire Mediterranean coast behind
- [Trapped](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/25/trapped/) - I don't believe problems without solutions. If something doesn't have a solution, it's more than a problem. It's a dead-end, like that story you tried to tell when you went to the emergency room with a stalk of celery in a place it shouldn't be. You slipped while making a mirepoix? Tell it to Escoffier,
- [I'm worth something!](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/21/im-worth-something/) - My parents must have known something back on that snowy December day. As the flakes drifted around the state capitol dome, my mother took a break from folding towels and, more than a few hours later, gave birth to a kid who would be worth something one day. Now, some 34 years later, she can
- [Go crazy with me](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/23/go-crazy-with-me/) - Pretend we've just had six beers apiece. Pretend we're sitting in a bar where you can actually hear me talk and the only one interrupting us is the bartender, and he only wants to know if we want more. And we don't have to really answer. We just tap the side of our bottles and
- [I know who I am!](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/31/i-know-who-i-am/) - I am often described as self-deprecating, self-loathing, and self-abusive. I cannot deny these assertions, because I am one more thing. I am also self-aware. I know who I am. Show me the naked silhouette of ten men and I can pick out my own. On second thought, let’s skip looking at other naked guys and
- [Friday Mental Massage: 08/08/08 Edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/08/friday-mental-massage-080808-edition/) - It's been a great while since I did an old fashioned Friday Mental Massage. I need a good mental chop-chop right now. So, let's get to it, shall we? I am an unabashed Brett Favre fan. Favre makes me excited to watch football. I have an emtional attachment to his style. That said, I sort
- [Friday Mental Massage: Bigfoot, the boy, birthdays](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/15/friday-mental-massage-bigfoot-the-boy-birthdays/) - Not a lot of time this Friday morning, so let's just jump into it. CNN should be spanked--Yes, I've seen the claims about Bigfoot being found an hour or so from my house. I gave the claims about as much credence as the Montauk Monster being a failed government experiment or Tom Cruise really fathering
- [Maters](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/28/maters/) - “I have too many tomatoes!” It’s a common cry this time of year. People with plants or who have been overzealous in an afternoon of picking at the farm find themselves with 40 pounds of tomatoes and don’t know what to do with them all. I don’t like tomatoes. I don’t have plants. I don’t
- [Friday Mental Massage: Blind and inquisitive](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/29/friday-mental-massage-blind-and-inquisitive/) - Today, the sky is as blue as its been in weeks. The haze is gone. The tropical rains (all five inches of it) made the grass green. It’s just about perfect, so I’m not going to belabor this massage today. Just a quick chop-chop and let’s get on with the four-day weekend. Sarah Palin—I’ll let
- [Friday Mental Massage: Looking ahead](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/05/friday-mental-massage-looking-ahead/) - One of my fellow suburban warriors gets a light in his eye when he finds the much-fabled "something to look forward to." The bad grammar aside, it's a suburban warrior's second reason for getting up in the morning. He first gets up to make sure his family members still love him as much as he
- [Otis funk ramble](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/24/otis-funk-ramble/) - Let's face it. I'm grumpy. I've been grumpy for three weeks. I'm a real jerk when I'm grumpy. I'm also not very smart. This weekend, I pulled out of my garage in my wife's car and ran directly to my car in the driveway. It took all of five seconds for me to turn "grumpy
- [Time for some time](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/09/time-for-some-time/) - The more and more I read comments, e-mails, and the like, it's become clear I need a few days to get my head together. The time I spend online is time I enjoy, but I'm not so sure how productive it is in terms of clear thinking. I'm going to take a few days away
- [Prelude to a post](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/07/prelude-to-a-post/) - I am not crazy, or at least that kind of crazy. A post is on the way, though maybe not for a day or two. Maybe not at all if I decide you all will think I'm nuts. That's never stopped me much before, but in the past I was at least sleeping enough to
- [Deja true](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/08/deja-true/) - I have a hard time believing in the supernatural. I'm a literalist turned existentialist turned fatalist turned optimist. I find it easier to be part of the -mist than a -list. You understand, I'm sure. And if not, I don't see this post helping that cause very much. My friends and family talk about seeing
- [Future Otis is the new Otis](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/03/future-otis-is-the-new-otis/) - Apparently, one year ago this morning, I decided to send a post-dated e-mail to myself via FutureMe.Org. That e-mail arrived just a bit ago, and I'll admit it sort of made me laugh. Subject: So, how is Canada? Dear Future Otis, So, by now you should be living in Toronto. How's that working out for
- [Turning off](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/22/turning-off/) - Let me preface this by saying that there is no either place I'd rather be and given the choice, I'd pick being home every time. Still, making the mental transition from the Vegas war zone to the hometown skirmishes is not a piece of pie. I knew before I left for Las Vegas that returning
- [Gratify me](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/27/gratify-me/) - Wow, this is one navel-gazing-look-at-me post. I apologize insomuch as I recognize it, but am still going to hit publish. This weekend, we took the boys to Chimney Rock State Park in North Carolina. A small part of the attraction is a deep fissure in the rock called Moonshiners' Cave. The old boy was fascinated.
- [Baby steps](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/16/baby-steps/) - I took this picture on our last day in Hilton Head. I spent several days trying to think about what it represented (other than a goat in a window, of course). I solicited captions on Flickr and BG knocked it out of the park with "The lesser-known red-light district of Amsterdam, South Carolina." Finally, I
- [On failure](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/23/on-failure/) - Richard Summers could claim scarred black lab tables and an exceedingly bad combover. This was the Summers Experience, and it was not a good one. It was easy to sit in the back of Summers' chemistry lab and wonder how many people were going to translate the experience into a life of scientific exploration. It
- [The bank](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/30/the-bank/) - There is no one in the bank but the tellers, the manager, and the disembodied voice of the drive-through customer in the first lane. The customer has neither a dog nor a child, so she won't be getting anything from either of the two treat containers hidden below the counter. I don't have hair on
- [Being Howie Mandel](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/07/being-howie-mandel/) - An hour ago, I walked into a convenience store and bought a diet Dr. Pepper and a Gatorade. I filled the tank with gas, put a little air in the back tire, and got back in the car. That's when the panic set in. I turned to my wife. "Do you have any hand sanitizer?"
- [People who died](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/18/people-who-died/) - I did something odd last night. I was doing it before I even knew why. I'm still not sure I have a decent grasp on my motivation. A guy who went to my high school years before me had recently been to the funeral of a classmate. He came home and created a rudimentary memorial
- [2010: Time to go](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/01/2010time-to-g/) - Well, the way I see it, it's time for us to get moving. Near as I can tell, I have been waiting around long enough. I'll get as old as the road as long as I keep expecting the scenery to change. If you're anything like me and feel like you need inspiration to get
- [M&Ms](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/15/mms/) - Nassau, Bahamas--The little girl behind me wants an M&M. I know this because she repeated what she wanted for five consecutive minutes, only taking breaks to take giant breaths that would propel her through the next volley of "M&MM&MM&MM&MM&MM&MM&MM&MM&M" or cry because she had not yet got what she wanted. This is my sixth time
- [Picture your year](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/27/picture-your-year/) - The problem with Shane getting back into blogging (and knocking off the rust much faster than any writer should be allowed) is that I am back to living inside my head a lot. One of his recent posts hit my brain in a place I don't normally poke. He asked in d3 of 30 how
- [Honesty](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/06/honesty/) - I've known my friend T for a long time. We're honest with each other as much as we can be. Sometimes it doesn't work because we're both idiots in our own way. With that understood, no matter how far either of us travel down our own ridiculous roads, our eyes rarely blink. I can usually
- [39 songs that make me happy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/02/39-songs-that-make-me-happy/) - Brooding season has passed again. With the months of November through March now passed, the House that Seasonal Affective Disorder Built can now go back to getting through the day without massive bouts of seasonal depression. In celebration of Happy Season, I made a quick playlist of songs that get me going. There are dozens
- [Purge and discuss](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/18/purge-and-discuss/) - Last night I sat out back with the wife drinking Cadillac margaritas and deconstructing our life heretofore. Over three hours and a couple of drinks, we talked family, addiction, and the future. With about 15 minutes left in the discussion, I admitted something to her. "I've forgotten how to write," I said. It's not writer's
- [Under deconstruction](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/13/under-deconstruction/)
- [Life before Angry Birds](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/07/25/life-before-angry-birds/) - I remember a time I could sit down to a dinnertime pork chop and not think, "Serves you right. You never should've thought that helmet would save you." If I could remember it more clearly, I'm sure there was a time I didn't look into the trees around my home in search of kinship and
- [The Dennis DeYoung Dilemma](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/17/the-dennis-deyoung-dilemma/) - I'm sitting at a poker table. Or a bar. Or at the gate waiting for a plane. It doesn't matter, because I ask the same question in all of these places and more. "If you could be yourself or Dennis DeYoung as he is today, which would you choose?" It's a simple question, really. Right
- [On getting naked](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/11/07/on-getting-naked/) - I could not have been more naked. Six months ago, I stood behind an open car door. It was the only thing blocking my man-parts from an entire grass-field-turned-parking-lot full of people on a warm, spring afternoon. I was muddy, sweaty, and naked. In public. “Woah!” said an unsuspecting passer-by, a friend but not one
- [Busted](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/19/busted/) - The foyer of the Greenville Secret Service office was smaller than a decent walk-in closet. A pretty blond sat behind bullet proof glass stuffing envelopes and promising that somebody would be with me in just a moment. I surveyed the limited decor while I waited. President George W. Bush looked at me from the confines
- [Friday Mental Massage: The Toxicity Edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/21/friday-mental-massage-the-toxicity-edition/) - This was not the best week I've ever had. It wasn't the worst, by far, but in terms of week's I'd rather not re-live, this one ranks in the top 50 or so. I can think of maybe two or three moments during the week when I thought, wow, this is great. So, let's massage
- [Rear cover in Mexico](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/08/rear-cover-in-mexico/) - I yelled a phrase that can be reduced to a three letter acronym and I wouldn't say in front of my mother. I said it loud enough that it actually made my head hurt worse. If my mom had been standing there, she would've pursed her lips and looked at me sadly. I was naked,
- [Otis resolved](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/23/otis-resolved/) - I don't like New Year's resolutions. I think they are a product of the overly-ambitious and the generally lazy. The grand promises are lip service to self betterment that are usually forgotten by the time the ides of March roll around. I've not made a resolution in years and it's because, more often than not,
- [Year five](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/03/year-five/) - (Greenville-Spartanburg International Airport)--I was nervous at this time in 2005. I'd been asked to spend a week in the Bahamas writing about poker. I'd been asked by people that I held in such high regard, my thoughts were less about how I could impress them and more about how I could somehow avoid messing it
- [Addled](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/22/addled/) - (Vina del Mar, Chile)--It's 6am and a dog is barking. There is no reason I can figure that a stray mutt would be outside my hotel window, but there he is. Valparaiso sits on the horizon, scattered lights over a dark Pacific Ocean. I won't make it that far down the road. Vina del Mar,
- [Gualter's grip](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/06/gualters-grip/) - The Hollywood Pub sits less than a city block from the Pacific Ocean in Vina del Mar, Chile. It's a cramped, shotgun building with orange highlights and iconic Tinsel Town photos on the wall. On a recent Friday morning, the place was essentially empty by 2am. By 3am, it was packed with people from all
- [Friday in Mt. Pleasant](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/13/friday-in-mt-plesant/) - For the first time in many years, I am back in a courtroom. At one time I covered killers and other scoundrals. Today, I am watching the trial of five men accused of violating South Carolina's gambling statute. The charge is a misdemeanor. If convicted, the guys will more than likely pay a small fine.
- [Backward in Uruguay](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/18/backward-in-uruguay/) - Punta del Este, Uruguay--I've been on the ground in Uruguay for around 36 hours and I'm still not walking in sync with the people. In Chile, no one wanted American dollars. When I got to Uruguay, I changed a few hundred bucks into Uruguayan pesos (25 to 1). I haven't found anyone to take them
- [The Argentina gamble](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/13/the-argentina-gamble/) - (Greenville-Spartanburg International Airport)--I've been known to make a bet. In the past three months, I've bet on the toss of a lime, the next commercial to come on television, a rickshaw race, a game of pool, and whether I could throw a steak knife into the trunk of a pine tree. I won a majority
- [That's a wrap](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/21/thats-a-wrap/) - It's been a long road. I watched Barack Obama get elected from Costa Rica. I watched Mexican federales raid us on the Pacific coast. I followed some dude named Pablo in Chile. I threw knives for money in Uruguay. In Argentina, I ate something called a superpancho, learned how to order bleeding steaks, and ran
- [Camp Fun](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/21/camp-fun/) - The wife and I were massaging the Google calendar for the next few months when she mentioned that Camp Fun started in June. I was immediately intrigued. The possibilities were endless. I pictured a week of relaxing in a hammock, gambling with my buddies, and drinking beer. I looked around for a tropical shirt, a
- [Disconnected](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/01/disconnected/) - A good friend recently told me, "Your blog sucks." I took a small amount of umbrage. "It's stale," he said. "I demand new content." I had to agree. I'm in one of those stupid cycles where nothing is quite interesting enough for a blog post. I'm not getting out much for obvious reasons and home
- [If you like a man in a kilt...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/06/if-you-like-a-man-in-a-kilt/) - ...you might like a few of the pictures I took this afternoon at the Greater Greenville Scottish Games and Highlands Festival. I can't quite pinpoint what it is about men in kilts throwing very heavy things that has such a wide appeal, but they've obviously got something going for them. My only regret is that
- [Not-so-total recall](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/25/not-so-total-recall/) - (Las Vegas, NV)) I walked into the Rio's Amazon Ballroom last night to re-visit what doubles as my office for the next three weeks. "Welcome to The Suck," Owen said. "And congratulations on the new baby." The many people I saw last night have been here for the past four weeks. They have the thousand-yard
- [Murph's Law](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/20/murphs-law/) - Eventually, the halluciantions become so routine that you learn to anticipate them. Instead of flinching at the giant bird swooping down to eat your eyes, you take an early step to the left and bird will eat the peepers of the aged Asian lady who just sat down at the bank of Las Vegas slot
- [How long?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/15/how-long/) - Monday night is poker night around these parts and for the past few years I have convened with the same group of guys to play cards on an weekly basis. The host of the game had told us the previous week that there may not be a game last night because, well, it was his
- [Reset](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/21/reset/) - People ask me what I do. They don't get it. Who is this guy who shaves when he wants, complains of working at 4am, and finds time for a walk in the park at two o'clock in the afternoon? He must be a drug dealer. Come to think of it, that does sound like a
- [Chilean millionaire](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/05/chilean-millionaire/) - Part 2 of the November iPhone Photo Project ... aka...NaNo-iPho January 2009 I have made a number of bad decisions in my life, but never any that have resulted in me having so much money in my pocket that I couldn't count it in public. I was in Vina del Mar, Chile and made a
- [The Club Guy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/06/the-club-guy/) - Part 3 of the November iPhone Photo Project … aka…NaNo-iPho June 2009 It was late, about the time the clubs start to let out in Las Vegas. I was a deer hunter in a tree stand. Just sitting and waiting. It's not quite fish in a barrel, but when the club guys (aka Los Angeles
- [Fellas, I'm ready to get up and do my thing](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/09/fellas-im-ready-to-get-up-and-do-my-thing/) - Thank you for your e-mail. I will be away from my desk until Monday, December 14. If your inquiry relates to my family, please forward your question to my wife. If it regards my work, please contact my boss. If it relates to any matter that requires my immediate attention, please contact my attorney, Marty,
- [Otis Resolved 2010](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/21/otis-resolved-2010/) - Last year at this time, I posted a sort of peremptory list of resolutions for the coming year. The way I see it, the top of the year is full of people resolving to do this and that. The gym will be packed for two or three weeks and everybody will be full of gusto.
- [Five years of wandering](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/02/five-years-of-wandering/) - I got the sense they were talking about me. I was younger then--just 31, in fact--but I was no dummy. I'd already seen some of the most impressive and disturbing things most people ever encounter. My career in journalism was at a turning point. It was jump or be jumped, and I honestly didn't know
- [The omnivore and the vegan](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/28/the-omnivore-and-the-vegan/) - I was tired when my friend Feldman asked me to do him a favor. "All you have to do is ask Daniel Negreanu a question," he said. "It can be anything you want." If you don't follow poker, Negreanu is one of poker's most successful players. He plays for the team I follow all over
- [2010 Mastodon Weekend](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/03/2010-mastodon-weekend/) - This morning I awoke to a text from Al. "Bad beat," he wrote. "Room won't be ready until 3pm." He'd been on the road all night and hadn't slept. The hotel at which he had a reservation wasn't ready for him. He had nowhere to crash. I rallied out of bed and started exploring options.
- [Mastodon Weekend deconstructed](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/09/mastodon-weekend-deconstructed/) - "He probably has a whole generation of writers getting drunk and wondering why they can't write like that." --Roger Ebert on Charles Bukowski. In sitcoms the sound of a screeching phonograph needle has taken on an iconic responsibility. It signifies the point at which a person who simply doesn't belong walks through the front door
- [Bracketology with a five year-old](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/17/bracketology-with-a-five-year-old/) - That I can win anything in the world of sports prediction is a testament to its ridiculousness. I am not a sports bettor, like those guys seen in an Oddsmonkey review. There's nothing wrong with it, but personally I can't stomach it. Frequent readers will raise their eyebrows, because I'm known to make a wager
- [Upon my return from Connecticut](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/15/upon-my-return-from-connecticut/) - For those of you who don't know me well, I love pizza. I'll eat pizza from just about anywhere whether it's in a fancy restaurant or I'm ordering from a pizza delivery place which I do very often. If you are a fellow pizza or even film lover, I have some exciting news; Mystic Pizza
- [Sinner and a sinner's son](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/20/sinner-and-a-sinners-son/) - I never can remember whether I'm sinning in South Carolina. The target for sin is one that moves and not in a way you'd expect. You're more apt to run right into the bullseye than miss entirely. One of our local bartenders is a graduate of Bob Jones University, one of the most conservative think
- [A friend and his pen](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/29/a-friend-and-his-pen/) - Six or seven years ago, I stumbled into the circle of a guy named Pauly. You've seen me write a lot about him here. We've never lived in the same city, but over the years we've become close friends. Off the top of the head, I can recall trips to Monte Carlo, Argentina, Costa Rica,
- [The Last Poker Game](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/06/24/the-last-poker-game/) - This story originally appeared at Up For Poker in January 2007. I've been thinking about that night a lot recently. What I learned more than four years ago seems more relevant with every passing day, so I decided to republish it here. *** Every word of this is true. The parabolas north and south met
- [Empty and hoping](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/31/empty-and-hoping/) - No need to wax nostalgic. If you are a New Orleans lover as I am, you're thinking the same thing. Let's talk this time tomorrow and hope it's a good conversation. Looking out from Tropical Isle to an empty French Quarter, January 2008, eight months before Hurricane Gustav
- [Good thing I don't hunt](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/26/good-thing-i-dont-hunt/) - On my drives back and forth from Springfield, MO to Columbia, MO this weekend, I realized that the deer population here is a bit out of control. I'm no hunter, but the number of car-smacked deer decomposing along the roadside sort of laid waste to my hippie-dippy no-hunting lifestyle. There apparently aren't enough cars in
- [Applause](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/26/applause/) - (Somewhere near Destin, FL)--The old hippie stood on the steps and held a half-smoked cigarette between his lips. He clapped slowly, a lazy waltz beat on his hands. And I thought, "What? Is this guy screwing with me?"' See, that's what you think when you're somewhere you've never been before and someone starts clapping at
- [Groundhog day preview](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/01/groundhog-day-preview/) - I'm looking forward to today. Although I'm not exceptionally invested in the teams playing in the Superbowl, my wife's family and my son are huge Pittsburgh Steelers fans. My boy is giddy, running around the house with a Big Ben action figure, a Big Ben jersey, and Steelers knit cap. For my part, I'm going
- [The gates of Tornado Alley](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/09/the-gates-of-tornado-alley/) - My grandparents are country folk, so it was no surprise when they moved from their little home in Springfield, Missouri to an old country community outside of Miller. It sits on the edge of what's known as Tornado Alley. My folks are here in Greenville with me while we wait on Dos, so when my
- [Why I'm angry at Mark Sanford](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/17/why-im-angry-at-mark-sanford/) - Like the stages of grief associated with the death of a loved one, I've gone through several levels of discombobulation with South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. I skipped Disbelief, moved onto Seriously?, and swam a bit in Oh Give Me a Freaking Break. I'm finally on Anger and I realized why today. It's not that
- [Slower down the mountain](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/22/slower-down-the-mountain/) - Several years ago, I was somewhere in Colorado (more than likely Copper or Breckenridge) and standing at the bottom of a run with several friends. We stood in the mountain air and worked on getting some oxygen back in our system. After we'd caught our breath, we looked around and realized we were one person
- [I got yer infrastructure right here](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/29/i-got-yer-infrastructure-right-here/) - Our flashlights have batteries. Our lantern has propane. My wife is presently picking up a few more essential items: nonperishables, water, and firewood. Somehow I forgot to put Maker's on the list. This is something I will regret in about 48 hours. Why? Well, this, of course. That is the next great weather system to
- [Insurance fraud hail storm](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/23/insurance-fraud-hail-storm/) - On any given summer day in this fair suburban neighborhood, one could look out over the expanses of manicured fescue and Bermuda and find day laborers napping under giant sweetgums and oaks. They are dead to the world, arms over their eyes and in the deep coma of a man who has spent hours on
- [Iceman cometh](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/12/16/iceman-cometh/) - My dad taught me many things: how to play in the key of G, how to shave, how to eat four pounds of crab legs without throwing up in public. I can't assign a relative level of importance to any of the aforementioned as, at age 37, I still use every skill on a regular
- [Those aren't ants in my pants](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/05/30/those-arent-ants-in-my-pants/) - It's a little more than 17 miles of county roads--open fields, farm land, red barns, private air strips, luxury homes, views of the Blue Ridge mountains, moo cows, and lose-yourself hairpin turns--between Campbell's covered bridge and my new home. I spent 16.8 of those miles with my left hand shoved in my pants. Nearly 100
- [St. John: Wrong way, right time](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/23/st-john-wrong-way-right-time/) - "You're driving on the left side of the road," my wife said. We were headed toward Cinnamon Bay in a rented white Jeep Wrangler with no windows. We had planned to purchase a Jeep from an online source like Zemotor. However, we found it easier to rent one on this trip! I looked through the
- [How I spend my summer vacation](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/07/02/how-i-spend-my-summer-vacation/) - I was out and about this week enduring some last-minute errands. I had a quick photo-shoot thingy downtown. The photographer asked what I did for a living. The short answer I give is, "I'm a writer." That, however, almost always feels disingenuous. If I have more than a few minutes with someone, I explain a
- [The owl I never see](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/07/21/the-owl-i-never-see/) - Three of the four corners of my house have giant Sweetgum trees within 20 feet or so. If you don't live in the Deep South or southeast, you may never have seen the monster deciduous hardwoods. They are everywhere down here. You can recognize them by their star-shaped leaves while you're lying on the ground,
- [What happened?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/07/23/what-happened/) - I long ago gave up the idea of chronicling everything that happens to me when I'm in Las Vegas during the World Series of Poker. I burn every candle at both ends and from the center. If I was going to write, most of it would be pretty horrible anyway. So, here are some highlights
- [Away](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/02/away/) - Back when I'm back.
- [And so the summer ends](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/08/and-so-the-summer-ends/) - For the past several years, my family has been threatening to get together for a beach vacation. As we're all exceptionally busy people who travel all the time anyway, it wasn't easy to do. But, we had three birthdays to celebrate. What's more, my parents were married for 40 years as of this summer. So,
- [Seasonal exchange](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/21/seasonal-exchange/) - It's somewhere near 90 degrees outside. A June haze hangs over the mountains, a reminder that a great part of the American south is still part of the American south. I'm in Greenville, South Carolina's airport and practicing a seasoned aural avoidance of the big-waisted, over-aftershaved salesmen who bop around powered seemingly by little more
- [And so...LA](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/11/18/and-so-la/) - Howard and I were walking down 8th street when I saw the rat. It was as big as my shoe and scurrying under a parked car. "My wife wouldn't live here because of that," I said. "In New York," Howard, a Brit and one-time resident of the Big Apple, said, "rats are a way of
- [Running man](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/11/19/running-man/) - The man's eyes were bloodshoot and wild, like he was looking past everything his drivers could see and through a window that wasn't there. When he spoke, the words came out of his mouth, but it was clear he wasn't the one doing the talking. He guided the Hispanic man through the downtown--turn left here,
- [Four fathers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/12/19/four-fathers/) - It's a two-hour flight from Atlanta to Springfield, Missouri, one that leaves un-argued that Atlanta is a Cher-Madonna-Bono-city, while Springfield requires a state designation to determine whether it is Brad Pitt or a Brad Willis (and, further, ignores the fact that both Brads actually come from that little burg). No matter, as it's a sealed
- [Disaster interrupted](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/01/18/disaster-interrupted/) - In a parallel universe, one in which I'd chosen to listen to the right soundtrack--something John Williams scored during a dark moment, maybe--we probably all would've died. A crowded airport terminal in Nassau. Nothing is comfortable and everyone has a thin layer of sweat between their skin and traveling clothes. The weather in Miami is
- [Promises](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/07/25/promises/) - There is nothing uplifting about a downmarket Las Vegas hotel. It's simple living, hours in a stiff bed comforted by a flickering laptop screen, whatever junk food I could liberate from the giftshop downstairs, and the alarm telling me it's time to escape again. On good nights, the only smell was the non-stop weed smoke
- [Nine years](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/03/nine-years/) - June 3, 2000 was a steamer. We stood on the Eastern Continental Divide and looked out over North Carolina. We couldn't deny it was uncomfortably hot. I was dressed in a monkey suit. My bride-to-be wore a clingy wedding dress. She would nearly faint from the heat. I simply soaked through a couple of shirts
- [My younger woman](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/04/my-younger-woman/) - She ran from me for nine months and realized I probably wasn't going away. That was around this time 13 years ago. Since then I'm fairly certain the woman who became wife has kept me sane, out of jail, and on track for whatever good my life has to offer. In the meantime, she's managed
- [Snip](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/06/snip/) - The Boy was going for a haircut. Pre-vacation, a couple weeks before school starts, a haircut is like putting on war paint. With school supply swords and a good high and tight trim, a near-five year old can drop into the jungles of southeast Asia and survive. Sliding into Montessori should be a breeze. The
- [Stay](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/12/stay/) - I remember being young, too young to really want for anything, young enough that the smell of cut grass and lawn mower exhaust was just a smell and not something nostalgic and gone, young enough that a Pepsi float on the couch with my mom was something that seemed completely routine instead of hint of
- [Vasectomy in pictures](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/21/vasectomy-in-pictures/) - When I go to foreign countries in which I don't speak the language, I often depend on contextual clues to make sure I don't end up in an uncomfortable situation. For instance, in Argentina I stayed away from a place called "Friends" because...well, it looked like a whore house and not a hair salon or
- [Belief](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/25/belief/) - Moments ago, my wife and I were having a discussion about cleaning products. Since we've had kids, my wife's idea of a household cleaner is vinegar mixed with water. Or, if it's a really tough job, straight, uncut, Bolivian baking soda. This is not a subject on which we always agree. While I think most
- [A letter to my wife on the occasion of our tenth anniversary](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/03/a-letter-to-my-wife-on-the-occasion-of-our-tenth-anniversary/) - When it's hard to believe in anything, it seems silly to believe in fate. It's a fanciful concept built on hope, acquiescence, or desperation. Yet, I can find no other reason we ever met, no other reason we're still together. You didn't mean or want to end up in the place we met. I didn't
- [The big disconnect](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/14/the-big-disconnect/) - I bought my first laptop sometime in 2004. I have been constantly-connected ever since. In June 2005, my wife and I went on a trip for our fifth wedding anniversary. We went to Vegas, San Francisco, and then up the Oregon coast in a convertible. We were in bed--in the middle of an afternoon--when I
- [The St. John ache](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/21/the-st-john-ache/) - We sat at the corner of a beachside bar in St. John. We were spent from a day of hiking, swimming in Solomon Bay, and traveling for several days in the most beautiful place I've ever been. We chatted with the men who'd served us drinks, some locals who'd befriended us days earlier, and whatever
- [I knew I should be afraid](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/11/i-knew-i-should-be-afraid/) - I woke up this morning with an inescapable sense that I should be afraid. It was still dark out, which meant the monsters still hadn't crawled back under my bed after a night of child-noshing. The meat in the fridge was only a day old, so I wasn't forced to face my latent paranoia that
- [Sunrise](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/16/sunrise/) - I've seen a lot of sunrises in the past three months. Some have been shame's flashlight, burnt orange, Vegas disasters that made me curse myself and everything around. A few have been black, through-the-curtains assumptions, the product of a baby who insists on breakfast before birds insist on singing. Many have been slow, children's-book-lavender movies
- [Luckiest man](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/11/24/luckiest-man/) - I take compliments badly. Always have. A good friend told me many years ago (and he probably doesn't even remember it) that when somebody offers me a compliment, I should learn to not over-think it. He said that I should simply respond, "Thank you." Today that same friend told me I was the most blessed
- [In search of a married man](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/02/25/in-search-of-a-married-man/) - Power-fetch at the soccer fields zapped Big Girl Dog of enough energy that she wouldn't want to eat the walls again for several hours. We were on the half-mile walk trek home when the girl simply sat down at the curb and put her chin on the asphalt. Her concession to fatigue set in motion
- [The man at the grocery store](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/03/10/the-man-at-the-grocery-store/) - My wife is paranoid. She'll admit it as readily as I say it, but she'll call it "observant" or "careful." She's suspicious of people I'd pick up as hitchhikers or trust to give me a vasectomy. These are probably not the best examples, but my dad once picked up a hitchhiker when I was a
- [The moms in my life](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/05/08/the-moms-in-my-life-2/) - One woman kept me safe until I was old enough to keep myself safe. Another woman keeps me sane so I can be a good father. This is what moms do. They give all they have to make sure their children breathe, smile, and succeed. Their reward, near as I can tell, is the joy
- [12-year gift: Fireflies](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/06/03/12-year-gift-fireflies/) - Fourteen months ago, my wife and I bought this home. It had its flaws. It had its places it could be improved. It's a slow and sometimes frustrating process turning someone else's house into your home. It's a work that is both in-progress and one that I know will never end. Among the larger projects
- [So many kids...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/07/23/so-many-kids/) - “I see so many kids that love being writers more than they love writing.” --Scroobius Pip I could probably count to a hundred, but if you’d asked me, I would’ve told you there were a million of them. Under the mattress, like spilled oil on the plywood frame, swam a giant inkblot of carpenter ants.
- [First day jitters](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/08/21/first-day-jitters/) - I wasn’t even leaving the house, and I was terrified. The boy wore a “Phineas and Ferb” t-shirt, plaid shorts, and his new sneaks. He had a fresh haircut and a new backpack. A day earlier, he’d soaked in “Meet the Teacher” day like it was a rock concert. He’d declared, “I’m glad summer is
- [Mr. Andy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/03/23/mr-andy/) - My younger son met Mr. Andy at our local grocery store. Mr. Andy bagged groceries for hours on every shift. Once the bags were in the cart, Mr. Andy would push them out to the shopper’s car through rain, snow, ice, or 100-degree sun. Store policy forbids gratuities, but Mr. Andy wouldn’t take a tip
- [8 seconds](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/01/04/8-seconds/) - So, here's a story. On January 8, 2003, my phone rang just as I was getting up for work. A plane had tried to take off from Charlotte, NC bound for my home airport, Greenville-Spartanburg International. It didn't last a minute in the air. Flight 5481 didn't even clear the airport before crashing into a
- [Carry me home](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/11/06/carry-me-home/) - Jason Shelton, an American soldier, was on my plane to Greenville last night. I hadn’t slept in two days. I’d left my hotel 22 hours before. My back and neck were knotted up. I needed a hot shower. I needed to sneak into my boys’ rooms and give them a hug. I’d been gone a
- [Welcome to the neighborhood](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/03/04/welcome-to-the-neighborhood/) - The sirens from the fire department spooled up in the distance. The firehouse is barely more than a mile away. If we listened close enough, we would've heard the firefighters squeaking into their boots. "Here they come," I said and watched the black smoke pour out of my house. Within the next five minutes, every
- [Hey...I didn't write that...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2017/02/22/hey-i-didnt-write-that/) - Some quick background: A few weeks back, I wrote a column for the Greenville Journal about something that had been on my mind. I missed The Handlebar. I know, it's a tired complaint by this point, but that's what I was thinking about that day. Today, several days after it ran in the printed Journal,
- [The crying Tough Mudder and the wicked art of Someday](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/10/15/the-crying-tough-mudder-and-the-wicked-art-of-someday/) - It was just after 10am. I was midway up a California mountain and standing in a group of 200 people so pumped up on testosterone and adrenaline that the simple act of guttural primal screaming wasn’t an effective exorcism. They had to jump up and down, shove their hands in the air, and pound their
- [Mastodon Weekend 2012: Evolved](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/11/01/mastodon-weekend-2012-evolved/) - I didn't think I needed medical attention when the first guy leaned over me and asked, "Are you okay?" I told him I was and that I just needed to catch my breath. He believed me long enough to go find a medic who believed me less but was kind enough to let me take
- [Thank you, Mike Rice](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/04/03/thank-you-mike-rice/) - Former Rutgers basketball coach Mike Rice is at best a very confused and disturbed human being. He is at worst a psychopath in need of inpatient treatment. Today, I suggest we should thank him for his service. Yes. Thank him. This morning, Rutgers fired Rice for behavior that could get him arrested in most civilized
- [Election Day 2012: Live from America's Couch](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/11/06/election-day-2012-live-from-americas-couch/) - 2:48am--Before I go personal, let me offer this objective view of tonight's election: Nate Silver and his 538 model are literally the most important thing to come out of tonight's vote. You may not like how everything ended. You may not like where things are going, but you must respect the work Silver did. It
- [A New Year's wish](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/12/31/a-new-years-wish/) - My three-year-old son just fell asleep on my chest. It's gray outside, spitting little wet snowflakes and rain on cold ground. It's the kind of weather that makes you sleepy no matter how much time you've spent in bed. My son, a boy who only stops moving long enough to shift gears, took deep, full
- [Assigning freedom](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/03/26/assigning-freedom/) - You want your freedom, do you? I know you do, because you post about it on Facebook, and you talk about how the government better not come and try to take it from you. You are an American with God-given unalienable rights. No politician is going to take your freedom any more than a welfare
- [One American's flow chart](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/08/08/one-americans-flow-chart/) - I am not an activist. I am not a revolutionary. I'm a dad of two American boys. *** Imagine this: somebody thinks you did something wrong. Let’s say it’s your old boss at Flaco’s Tacos. His name is Carl, and he didn’t like the looks of you ten years ago. He suspected you were more
- [America loses](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/10/02/america-loses/) - I stood in my kitchen. I was tenderizing chicken. Beating the holy hell out of it. Destroying it, really. I turned to my wife who sat at the counter with her laptop. I yelled. “Don’t you understand? We lose! It’s over! We lose!” I beat the chicken some more. Killed it again, really. My wife
- [Where there's smoke...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/10/10/where-theres-smoke-2/) - This question, as all good questions do, begins with a cast iron skillet. My wife is-and this is putting it in a way only a loving and understanding husband can-security conscious. When I buried house keys in our back yard, she dug them up to make sure no rapey yard guy found them by accident
- [To the courageous Senator Lindsey Graham](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/03/26/to-the-courageous-senator-lindsey-graham/) - Dear Senator Lindsey Graham, I write today to applaud your courage. Only a man like yourself--one worried that he might have to face a run-off in a primary election--would have the bravery to introduce a bill that would limit states' rights, potentially remove billions of dollars from state coffers, and further restrict what Americans can
- [Angry Birds America](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/09/23/angry-birds-america/) - I just read there is going to be an Angry Birds movie, and my first thought was, “What could that film possibly be about?” The game wasn’t some epic tale that was easily adapted for the screen. It wasn’t written by a master storyteller thus commanding a (big movie voice) “Tale That Must Be Told.”
- [The last lie you'll believe](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2016/09/26/the-last-lie-youll-believe/) - Somebody lied to you. You may not know it yet. You might be seething with hate. You feel it pressing down on your chest. You want to breathe, but you can’t. You see those people on the street, in the stores, at the bus stops, and you see nothing but frauds, people who are living
- [The email my son won't get](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/07/21/the-email-my-son-wont-get/) - Hey, buddy. We dropped you off at camp yesterday. We watched you sit on your bunk in a cabin you’d never seen before. We met your counselor. You mimicked his Australian accent and called him, “Mate.” You promised me you would come home safe, and it’s here that I’m waiting for you to make good
- [The other part of the reflection](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/08/21/the-other-part-of-the-reflection/) - The brush at the old Palms poker room led me to my seat one late night several years ago. The seven-seat at the table was the only open chair in the room, and it was right next to Chad. Chad didn’t know me, or at the very least, didn’t know my face. But I knew
- [When I'm wrong, I'm wrong](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/27/when-im-wrong-im-wrong/) - I woke up this morning in a house worth more than I'll probably make in my lifetime. The bed was as comfortable as any I've ever enjoyed. My wife was beside me. She opened the balcony doors and said, "I'll probably be able to wear short sleeves today." That was all she really cared about.
- [On cocaine](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/07/on-cocaine/) - A couple of years ago, a friend of mine mentioned something about how many writers snorted coke. My friend is a writer and he had a good point. Cocaine lets you work forever and believe everything you write is poetry. You can believe that even if people don't get you, you're doing the work you're
- [Joy again](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/10/08/joy-again/)
- [Northern man](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/24/northern-man/) - (Atlanta, GA)--About 12 hours ago, there were four of us in the speeding van. A rock music photographer turned poker shooter sat in front of me in the middle seat. Beside him was a 19-year-old University of Connecticut student with a U.S. and Costa Rican passport. I sat in the back row with a former
- [State of the Otis at 35](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/04/state-of-the-otis-at-35/) - (Houston, TX)--I think I actually said "Wha?" out loud when my alarm went off at 5am today. I think I actually used a Scooby Doo voice. I was kicked out of a dream where everything was weird, but I was really happy, and that was just fine with me. It was dark on Mt. Otis
- [Old and tired forever](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/30/old-and-tired-forever/) - There used to be a time when I would return from an epic trip across the country with friends and write out every single detail of the experience. It's now been 36 hours since I got back from The Bash and I'm still too old and tired to properly explain what happen. And even if
- [Tragic decades and the marketing response](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/25/tragic-decades-and-the-marketing-response/) - Rush Limbaugh is a genius. I'll let that sink in for a moment. There. Rush Limbaugh is almost single-handedly responsible for teaching a generation of partisans how to think about politics. It's actually pretty easy. Step 1: Never speak ill of your own. He learned this one from Reagan. It's a winning strategy. Step 2:
- [2.5 years in 5.5 minutes](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/05/19/2-5-years-in-5-5-minutes/) - So, anyone waiting for the next generation of the iPhone to come out, feel free to get excited. I finally upgraded to the iPhone 4, so whatever is coming next will probably be moved up to next week. Before I left for the store this morning, I decided to back up my 3G one more
- [Alarm](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/06/23/alarm/) - The roundest person in the entire gym was the firefighter who came to save our lives this morning. He was 350 pounds if he was an ounce. The sweaty struggle it must have been to get inside the heavy coat, pants, and boots made me wonder if the guy had a future in fetish pornography
- [My blood runs cold...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/11/02/my-blood-runs-cold/) - The boy had just finished his homework in the playroom of our house. We were alone when he broke into song...a song a seven-year-old boy probably shouldn't be singing. After I heard it, I pulled out my phone to record it for posterity (aka before Verizon snags it for its next ad campaign). I get
- [Grown-ups can have hamsters](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/10/11/grown-ups-can-have-hamsters/) - "A boxer!" the boy exclaimed. We were in the car. Tom T. Hall was singing about old dogs and my kid was pointing out the window at the brown boxer on the suburban lawn. The dog sat up high on the too-green grass, almost regal, definitely aloof. "Can we have a boxer?" he asked. "No,"
- [Hookers and johns of suburbia](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/12/29/hookers-and-johns-of-suburbia/) - It was a late-December South Carolina cold, the kind that looks warm from a Minnesota window but sneaks up on you when you leave the house with too much exposed skin. I was in a thin t-shirt and a light jacket. Maybe my jeans were a little too tight. My sneakers were well-worn from taking
- [The weeping cherry](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/04/18/ode-to-the-weeping-cherry/) - I was blind to it at first. The property I'd just bought had more trees, shrubs, and plants than I could count. You couldn't turn your head five degrees without seeing a new explosion of color or reaching branch. Even the bits that had grown out of control endeared me to the property. Nonetheless, there
- [Charity Worley homicide update: Agents at the door](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/27/charity-worley-homicide-update-agents-at-the-door/) - To have survived the pain to this point was an act of will Linda Casey wasn’t sure she had, which makes recent developments in the investigation into her daughter’s homicide all the more difficult to understand. A few weeks back, the North Carolina State Bureau of Investigation arrived on Casey’s doorstep. Before Casey left her
- [Amanda Smith: Not a murderer](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/03/amanda-smith-not-a-murderer/) - I was fully prepared to write today about Amanda Smith avoiding the death penalty by pleading guilty to murder charges. I was fully prepared to accept that Solicitor Bob Ariail didn't feel like he could get a jury to recommend a death sentence. I was fully prepared to accept that Amanda Smith was going to
- [Using John Steinbeck](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/08/08/using-john-steinbeck/) - John Steinbeck died in 1968, four years before the landmark Furman v. Georgia capital punishment decision by the United States Supreme Court. It was the first moratorium on the death penalty in the U.S. (one that only lasted four years). Steinbeck's death came more than 30 years before SCOTUS declared executing mentally retarded defendants violates
- [Eric Nicholson, ten years later](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/12/06/eric-nicholson-ten-years-later/) - Eric Nicholson donated a pint of blood, told his wife Misty he loved her, and went back to work. It was December 6, 2000, a cold, clear day in Greenville, South Carolina. I don't know how many times since then I've thought about that moment Eric--a man I never met--said goodbye to his wife, a
- [The monsters are real](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/02/20/the-monsters-are-real/) - I grew up on the west side of Springfield, Missouri. If you look on the left part of Springfield’s gridded streets you will find the map of my childhood. It’s where I rode my bike, learned to drive, and fell in love. It’s the place where on Tuesday, according to police, a man named Craig
- [To catch a fish](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/13/to-catch-a-fish/) - I was beginning to wish we'd never seen the fish. I wished that the sun had set, dirty faces have been washed, and I was drinking a cold one on the back porch. I wished that the line had been wet, there had never been a nibble, and we'd walked away talking about how the
- [To the man buying my house](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/04/18/to-the-man-buying-my-house/) - Dear Ben, In September of 2000, I was 26 years old and had been married only three months. Scoop, a 13-pound dog that bit people for sport, was 18 months old and could jump from a sitting position high enough to grab a treat out of my mouth. I had no children. I earned $27,500
- [A letter to an American kid](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/08/14/a-letter-to-an-american-kid/) - I will never forget the day you were born. I will never forget the day you turned ten years old. They were both days that scared me until I could feel the fear in my gut. They were days that made me so blindly hopeful, I found myself believing everything might just be okay. On
- [This is our home](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/06/18/this-is-our-home/) - Raising my white children in South Carolina after the Charleston church murders.
- [About that story from The Bitter Southerner](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/11/10/about-that-story-from-the-bitter-southerner/) - Some of you have been reading Rapid Eye Reality since 2001. Other folks have found it in the years since then. Some of you are just arriving after having read “Bust” on The Bitter Southerner. Welcome and welcome back. Almost exactly five years ago at this time, I was sitting at the Redwood Bar and
- [Because we said so...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/17/because-we-said-so/) - Let me be clear from the outset: I believe the most dangerous sex offenders should be given life sentences. I don't have to tell you who the most dangerous are. You know. Those folks need life terms in the clink where they can be molested as often as the guards turn their heads. So, we're
- [Charity Worley: Reading between the profiler's lines](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/10/06/charity-worley-reading-between-the-profilers-lines/) - For full background on this case, visit the Charity Worley coverage section. Henderson County Sheriff's investigators are trying to tell us something without actually saying it out loud. You don't have to know much about law enforcement to know that investigators rarely get in front of TV cameras unless they need something. Cops don't take
- [Cracking the comments code](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/05/10/cracking-the-comments-code/) - This may surprise you, but I know a little more about crack cocaine than the average 37-year-old guy who grew up in a semi-rural community in southwest Missouri. I know how it's made, how much it generally costs, where you can buy it in town, and the various ways it's cut up. You've probably heard
- [Election Day 2016 from America's Couch: A live blog](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2016/11/08/election-day-2016-from-americas-couch-a-live-blog/) - 4:15am He came out of an indigo curtain, his buttons undone, his red tie hanging outside an open coat. The music was something out of a Hollywood exposition scene, neither dramatic nor any way recognizable. But, damn, he was happy. And how could he not be? No one outside of sycophants and asylum patients gave
- [We have clowns](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2016/09/01/we-have-clowns/) - “We have clowns.” “Hmm?” “Clowns. In the woods.” “Probably just a squirrel.” “You’re not listening.” “No. I am. You said we have clowns. Got it. Raccoon maybe.” “There were footprints. Very big footprints.” “Did you consider that it might be Bigfoot?” “Don’t patronize me. You always do that.” “I’m just saying—” “I know what you’re
- [The kid you'll never hear about](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/09/16/the-kid-youll-never-hear-about/) - The gunfire started about the time we reached Field 4. Rat-tat-tats, small arms, over and over again. We were there for baseball practice. A sunny day in September. Mid-70s, blue sky, light breeze, and hundreds of rounds of ammunition that sounded close enough to smell. "It sounds like war," my four-year-old said. "What is it,
- [Dear Son](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/12/14/dear-son/) - A letter to my son on the morning of the Sandy Hook massacre
- [St. Francis Hospital: The real cost of having a baby](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/19/st-francis-hospital-the-real-cost-of-having-a-baby/) - About the author: I am an award-winning investigative journalist who worked at Greenville, SC's WYFF News 4 from 1999 to 2005. Everything you read below is objectively true. Summary: Below is a long and detailed account of paying to have my second child delivered at St. Francis Hospital in Greenville, SC. It is a story
- [My dog swallowed what?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/09/28/my-dog-swallowed-what/) - I learned a new word this weekend: radiopaque. It's not the kind of word you just throw out over coffee, or really, in most polite conversation, but it is the kind of word you'll learn when you wake up to your dog puking blood. Friday was a busy day. A dozen people were meant to
- [Marriage and the power of luck](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/06/03/marriage-and-the-power-of-luck/) - Reflections on what it takes to make it through 15 years of marriage in the 21st century
- [Threadbare troubadour](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/10/16/threadbare-troubadour/) - What it means to grow up around music and how to pass it on to the next generation.
- [Mistakes](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/11/26/mistakes/) - This is a story of two mistakes with eternal consequences. They happened almost exactly three years ago, but I've never written about them publicly. There are a lot of things that happen when somebody dies. You're asked questions you don't want to answer. You're tasked with decisions that seem wrong no matter which side you
- [Giggling at hell](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/09/09/giggling-at-hell/) - There's a man who makes birdhouses. He's a jolly guy, the kind you'd think would be good to suit up as Santa come December. He's a craftsman who hits the southeastern arts festivals, sits in a comfortable chair under an awning, and laughs when you tell a story just right. I've visited this guy for
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/08/5/) - Every time I think I'm out...they pull me back in Or something like that. CLICK HERE TO READ AN IMPORTANT UPDATE TO THIS POST The thing is...my job make me like it again today. After weeks, nay, months of apathy and near-disdain for my profession, my job got interesting today. And now I like it
- [Donald Trump and the Steel Panther System](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/07/22/donald-trump-and-the-steel-panther-system/) - How The Donald took a page from Steel Panther, an outrageous parody act, and turned the American political system on its head.
- [Finding Little Italy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2005/01/14/473/) - I looked for the sign as we drove down the country highway. "It's right across from Little It-lee," the 65-year-old woman had said. I knew what she meant. In country-speak, she meant "Little Italy." And in this little corner of the country, Little Italy wasn't an ages-old Italian-American neighborhood. It was a pizza joint, and
- [Gratitude, by degrees](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/03/01/on-gratitude-and-gratitude/) - If I’ve learned one thing this weekend, it’s that gratitude comes in degrees. I was unable to be in Beverly Hills on Friday night, and I honestly don’t know if I would’ve had the wherewithal to say what I actually felt when I learned I had won the American Poker Award. Though I have deep
- [Which one were you?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2016/01/21/which-one-were-you/) - Were you the parent who ran into the package store 30 minutes before school let out, bought a handle of booze, and slipped back out into the sunlight, looking both ways to make sure nobody saw your daylight whiskey purchase? Were you the lonely looking man who had to park so far away from the
- [Compromise on Justice](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/10/218/) - I've been watching Pat Lollis for about a year now. She's a widow who draws make-up around her eyes and struggles to keep her tears from ruining it. Sometimes she wins, sometimes she loses. She knows about loss. She watched two men gun her husband down five years ago. Pat spent a lot of time
- [Thanks for sharing](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/12/30/thanks-for-sharing/) - I started Rapid Eye Reality in 2001 when my friend Susannah pulled me aside at a wedding and said there was this thing called a "blog" that I might find interesting. Since that time, it's been through many different designs, endured up and down years, and served as a the longest-running chronicle of my sideways
- [Remembering the first kill](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/08/27/remembering-the-first-kill/) - This week in Arizona, a nine-year-old girl shot and killed her shooting instructor by accident. The instructor was teaching the little girl to shoot an automatic 9mm Uzi. Sit with those two sentences for a second. Here's the worst thing I ever did with a gun. I was old enough to know how a rifle
- [The stillness of an 8-year-old’s chest](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/04/17/the-stillness-of-an-8-year-olds-chest/) - I looked down on the ground. In the grass sat a little plastic coin, scuffed and scratched from little-boy cleats that had walked over it on the way to home plate. “Caught doing good,” read the legend on the trinket’s perimeter. It was something a teacher or a coach might have given a child for
- [Capitulation Nation](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/12/18/capitulation-nation/) - Oh, you’re mad at Sony for killing its movie? Hold on. It’s hard to type when I’m laughing this hard. I wouldn’t have gone to the theater to see The Interview, but I probably would’ve queued it up some night while I was lying on the couch. Even so, whatever was in the film wouldn’t
- [Those people...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2015/02/25/those-people/) - Who runs to the store and buys milk and bread? These people. Who complains about them? THOSE people.
- [The people you know at Christmastime](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/12/24/the-people-you-know-at-christmastime/) - I was still in my pajamas late this morning when the doorbell rang. Unshaven, unshowered, and a bit of a melancholy mess, I thought, “I’m not going to answer that.” I was in no condition to see anyone. But then I found myself getting up and looking out the window. I recognized the truck. It
- [When Dad looked at the sky](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/01/19/when-dad-looked-at-the-sky/) - There is a shiny headstone on the outskirts of Springfield, Missouri, and it’s where people who love my dad go when they want to be alone with him (someone clearly knows How to clean a headstone though). I live 13 hours away. Over the river and through the woods. That’s how my old man would’ve
- [The F5 Nobody: A terrible idea to stop spree killers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/06/12/the-f5-nobody-a-terrible-idea-to-stop-spree-killers/) - When I was young, I had a recurring dream that the man who lived down the street planned to kill me. In reality, the guy worked for City Utilities and drove a green work truck. In my dreams, he crept in my window every night. He had a green, blank face. I didn’t know his
- [To the victims of 9/11: I'm sorry](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/09/07/to-the-victims-of-911-im-sorry/) - I honor the memory of the heroes and innocents who died ten years ago on September 11, 2001. I honor their bravery, their sacrifice, and their families and friends. Whether by chance or by duty, they were America's finest citizens on that sunny late summer morning. They will forever be my heroes. Their deaths made
- [The happiness blur](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/09/02/the-happiness-blur/) - My older son turned nine a few weeks ago, and I have no idea what my wife and I gave him as presents. There was a closetful of gifts. I know that much. And I think there was a pogo stick involved, but I only remember that because the kid hopped on it yesterday to
- [GoPro Hero 2: Experiments in fatherhood and beyond ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/02/04/gopro-hero-2-experiments-in-fatherhood-and-beyond/) - My dad died the weekend before my 38th birthday. I didn't learn until a few days later that one of the last things he did was buy me a birthday gift. It was a fun little GoPro Hero 2 Camera, something I'd mentioned in passing that I wanted to mess around with on running adventures
- [Mom's pencil](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/05/11/moms-pencil/) - One of my earliest memories—one’s that just gauzy enough to prove its age, but just clear enough to be truer than most—is a pencil in my mom’s hand. It’s jitting and jotting across a piece of white paper in her lap. She works with efficiency, mindful of the list of things she has to get
- [Ten things I have done that you (probably) haven't](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/10/28/ten-things-i-have-done-that-you-probably-havent/) - I'll be honest. I'm about to go on a big trip, and I'm--for the first time in a very long time--a little nervous about it. It's the good kind of nervous, but the anxiety is real and it's manifesting itself as a niggling marmot of distraction. My focus on the big Ps (printing, packing, prepping)
- [Wil Wheaton's guest](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2014/02/27/wil-wheatons-guest/) - I'm guest-blogging for Wil Wheaton this week. If you'd like to check in on what I wrote, you can find the stories here: WHEATON’S LAW REVISITED A FIELD FULL OF LIGHTNING
- [How to make a Moscow Mule](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/08/27/how-to-make-a-moscow-mule/) - The fiber swam-viscous, milky, sexual-on the other side of the amber glass. I pressed my eye as closely as I dared. My heart felt precious little shame as I thought, "That must be what it looks like in the moment before human conception." It was a Friday night, and I had shoved the inverted bottle
- [What did you wash out of your mouth today?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/03/25/what-did-you-wash-out-of-your-mouth-today/) - I don’t even know how to start this, so I’ll just say it. My kid peed in my mouth today. There it is. My child—a boy who turns four years old in less than two months—urinated in my mouth a couple of hours ago. You should know my love for this boy is boundless. The
- [Fate's reprieve](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2013/03/23/fates-reprieve/) - I can’t boil it down to 140 characters. I don’t know why I feel compelled to even consider doing that. Maybe it’s the cook in me who knows that a well-simmered pot will eventually find its essence. Maybe it’s the social media “expert” in me who understands that brevity is the only way to reach
- [Dads](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/11/26/dads-2/) - My dad died a year ago today. I was in China when it happened. In the hours I struggled to get back home from halfway around the world, I remember wondering how I would comfort my boys. I was barely in control of myself, and I couldn't imagine trying to explain to my young sons
- [Vice Presidential Debate: Live from America's Couch](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/10/11/vice-presidential-debate-live-from-americas-couch/) - Scroll down for updates throughout the night The fact that I'm doing this again speaks to one of two things. Either I have a criminally inflated sense of ego, or I was so disappointed in the relative lack of import in the first Presidential debate that I've returned tonight in hopes of redeeming myself. If
- [First Presidential Debate: Live Blog from America's Couch](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/10/03/first-presidential-debate-live-blog-from-americas-couch/) - Scroll down for updates I've got a great couch. It's shaped like a U and stuffed with down. It sometimes pokes me in the hindquarters with actual feathers, which I'm sure probably qualifies me as a Republican (the gross feather abuse, not the ass-stabbing, although there is some argument to be made...nevermind...I don't care if
- [Second grade soldier](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/09/11/second-grade-soldier/) - My son learned to roller skate less than 48 hours ago. He’d be ashamed to admit it, but there were tears at first, but then lots of skating. Twenty-four hours earlier, I took him on his very first father-son bike ride. We rode eight miles, the farthest he’d ever ridden at one time. I took
- [Finish line](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/09/03/finish-line/) - “I am as nervous as I’ve ever been.” That was my son this morning, up before the sun for his first youth triathlon. At eight years old, he would be among the youngest of the hundreds of children in the event--a 100 meter swim, five mile bike ride, and 1.3 mile run. The boy took
- [What they don't tell you about parenting...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/08/28/what-they-dont-tell-you-about-parenting/) - is that one night everything will go perfectly, the boys will eat their dinner without complaint--with compliments!--and offer almost no protest at bedtime. You will pour a glass of wine, sit down to watch the news, and settle in to an overstuffed couch for some overdue, mindless rest. This is such a rarity, and it
- [Choir robes, $25,000 shrimp and grits, and the modern Presidency](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/08/16/choir-robes-25000-shrimp-and-grits-and-the-modern-presidency/) - I am a fallen believer in the power and will of a modern President. I should admit that from the start. I have no enemy in the office, and I have no friend. There is a natural, human desire to be a part of something. There is peace in being part of the team. As
- [Father's Day 2012](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/06/17/fathers-day-2012/) - My kids and wife brought me breakfast in bed--good black coffee, some egg whites with chopped peppers and Sriracha--and four hand-made cards. There were gifts, too: a couple of beers and limes in a beach bucket (perhaps a hint that it's time to revisit the coast) and a big red-orange mylar balloon that exclaims, "I
- [Some things never change](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/04/30/some-things-never-change/) - You can move from one house to another. You can mature beyond your age. You can grow up as fast as fate allows. But sometimes the unavoidable gravity of youth pulls your face back to the spray of a springtime lawn sprinkler. There, you are still young. Still four years old. Still mid-kiss with an
- [Mastodon Weekend returning to Greenville?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/04/25/mastodon-weekend-returning-to-greenville/) - Details are still to come (you'll see them right here sometime in the next week or two), but for now, if you ever thought, "Wow, it sure seems like those cats in Greenville are having a better time than they deserve," this might interest you.
- [Greenville Mud Run 2012 video](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/04/20/greenville-mud-run-2012-video/) - I've had a lot of people shake their heads at me. A shoe salesman actually said after looking at my battered body, "Maybe if you get some new shoes, you won't fall down as much." I've had a ton of people simply ask, "Why?" Well, I wrote about it in Getting Naked. That mostly tells
- [Collections](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/04/10/collections/) - It's been nearly one year since we moved into the new Mt. Willis, and I don't think we're fully unpacked. I mentioned this to a friend today who responded, "If a year has passed without you needing to unpack it, you don't need it. Throw it away." It's true, probably. I don't know why I
- [13.1 miles for Dad](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/01/19/13-1-miles-for-dad/) - I wanted to tell somebody, but there was nobody to tell. Though I was elbow-to-elbow with some 40,000 people, I was alone. There was no one to tell my story, no one who a cared to hear it. In front of me sat 13.1 miles of running, a race for which I'd been planning, training,
- [Hunting](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2012/01/02/hunting/) - My son found a .30-06 rifle in my dad's closet, similar to these Winchester rifles. It was unloaded, unclean, and unused for decades. Though mildly unnerving for all of us, my boy was in no danger. Mom always insisted the ammo stay far away from the gun. There were a lot of reasons for that,
- [Christmas Eve 2011](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/12/24/christmas-eve-2011/) - My dad was born in Texas on Christmas Eve 1946. He was a child with no privilege, a post-war baby, the son of a decorated Navy man, the son of a boxer who would fight for the sake of fighting, the son of a gambler who would gamble for the sake of gambling. Grandpa--a minister,
- [John H. Willis (1946-2011)](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/11/28/john-h-willis-1946-2011/) - For those who knew my dad or our family, this will be published in our local paper Tuesday morning. I'm posting it here for family and friends around the country who may not be here to see it. Many thanks to everyone who has already reached out. Though time hasn't allowed us to respond, your
- [He smelled the flowers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/11/26/he-smelled-the-flowers/) - A few years ago, I looked down a sidewalk at my local zoo to see my father leaning over to smell the blossoms in front of him. He was alone and not affecting any sort of illustration of a peaceful man. He was living in that moment and that moment alone. He had literally stopped
- [Halloween story 2011](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/10/27/halloween-story-2011/) - If you have been a reader of Rapid Eye Reality for a while, you know that once a year I release a story that doesn't really fit in these pages. It's my Halloween gift to those of you who are good enough to come back here after ten years of silliness. I've done true stories
- [Saturday Night Lights](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/10/23/saturday-night-lights/) - The backfield tackle was the kind in which the quarterback is hit, hit again, and finally collapses under the weight of blockers, tacklers, and the inevitability of yet another sack. Less than two minutes remained in the game when the QB went down. His team was losing 14-0, and face was the only thing he
- [Rapid Eye Reality turns ten](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/08/29/rapid-eye-reality-turns-ten/) - Two weeks before nineteen men crashed airplanes into my country, I started a blog. This blog. It was an exercise, an outlet suggested to me by my friend, Susannah. We were eating shrimp and drinking beer on Tybee Island. It was a wedding rehearsal dinner for our friends Mike and Julia. Though I'd already been
- [Thank you to everyone but the guy in the middle of the road](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/06/21/thank-you-to-everyone-but-the-guy-in-the-middle-of-the-road/) - There was a guy in the middle of Stone Avenue. My wife and I had just pulled out of The Handlebar and were on our way to visit with a bunch of old friends. It was getting on past midnight and we were tired, but the people at the downtown bar were folks we hadn't
- [Missing Gulfman, five years later](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/05/24/missing-gulfman-five-years-later/) - For the last three days, it has rained from the sunshine. We live in one of those places where half the people you meet aren't natives. It's not like Florida, a place northerners settle after living out the younger part of their lives. Greenville is a place people come to work and decide they are
- [Worth a thousand nightmares](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/05/04/worth-a-thousand-nightmares/) - The kid on his way to UVA barely existed--he'd been chopped in half at the waist and burned down to a crusty black skeleton. The man with the case of beer died about two minutes after I first saw him. He bled out in a pool of Budweiser and Rutherford Road gravel. The young, pretty
- [An open letter to President Obama](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/04/04/an-open-letter-to-president-obama/) - Mr. President: Congratulations on getting out the door quickly in your bid to be re-elected in 2012. Earning the job of President of the United States is an expensive purchase in this day and age, and I commend you for starting early. The competition is still trying to decide if it wants to put up
- [Earplugs](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/03/29/earplugs/) - The first stop of the morning was for earplugs. We went to Home Depot together and walked among gods on a Saturday morning. They were immortal more-than-men who would destroy things and build new things all in the same day. They were gods of their own homes, no matter whether those homes were built on
- [How Otis got his T-Pain back](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/26/how-otis-got-his-t-pain-back/) - The weird part isn't that I have a friend named F-Train. The weird part is that he and I were both sober and having a semi-intelligent conversation about the vagaries of home ownership, professional aspirations, and the world economy. F-Train sipped on a cup of coffee and engaged me as if we were sitting in
- [Listen](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/02/07/listen/) - I worry about my oldest boy, but only because I see myself in him. He's driven, but fights frustration. He's joyful, but an easy mark for emotion. He also falls a lot. Genes are tough competitors. Sugar is a luxury for him like good scotch is for his father. He gets it on special occasions,
- [Dry doc'd](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2011/02/01/dry-docd/) - If I sit with you for any amount of time these days, we'll soon determine whether you're a documentary person or not. I certainly hold no great prejudice if you prefer to spend your time indulging in other guilty pleasures. As a recovering Angry Birds addict (and, man, was that a tough monkey to shake),
- [2010: The best and worst of Rapid Eye Reality](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/12/31/2010-the-best-and-worst-of-rapid-eye-reality/) - Looking back at 2010, I'm surprised I survived. In the span of 12 months, I found myself under a tsunami warning; I was lightly assaulted by Nelly and who I still suspect to be Snoop Dogg's father; and I offended Montel Williams. I waded through a throng of angry South American protestors. I sat in
- [The reasons I'm happy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/12/24/the-reasons-im-happy/) - I woke today more content than I've been in some time. As I said to my wife, I expect it to get better, but even if it doesn't, I am as happy as I can be. Below you'll see us just as we were this afternoon. My wife in dirty socks after an afternoon of
- [The life cycle of a vomiter](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/12/15/the-life-cycle-of-a-vomiter/) - Stage 1: The body's will--Notable during the first several years of a child's life, Stage 1 is exhibited by body and mind exhibiting no will as it relates to vomiting. What wants to come up, will come up, and usually all over the carpet. Stage 2: Irrepressible shame--Once children reach the age of five or
- [November minutiae ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/11/30/november-minutiae/) - Just one more month to go before I can discontinue this obligatory monthly update on the mundanities of my life. Here, because I have more to type than fingers to write it, is the briefest of updates. Books read: The Corrections; Tokyo Vice; The Financial Lives of the Poets Travel days: 15 Poker: Not a
- [The Republican Revolution 2010](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/11/02/the-republican-revolution-2010/) - I am prepared for election day. This November 2 is set to be one of the most historic days in all of modern politics and I am ready. I have grown my hair out to my shoulders, looked into Grateful Dead tickets, and took a job waiting tables at a Tex-Mex joint. I'm going to
- [October minutiae ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/10/31/october-minutiae/) - Only two more months of posting this ridiculous drivel. October was a month that I pegged to achieve one of the goals I set a year ago. It's something thousands of people could do, but I had not. Exercise: In all, I put in more than 30 miles of running this month. All of it
- [Halloween story 2010](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/10/26/halloween-story-2010/) - There is probably a good reason we all don't circle around a Halloween tree and exchange gifts at midnight of October 31st. No matter. Halloween remains one of my favorite holidays and one I enjoy sharing. I don't have much to give, but I've managed to cobble together something I hope the freakier among you
- [Away](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/10/19/away-2/)
- [My microlending boy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/10/04/my-microlending-boy/) - Last week around this time, I was in the back of a Volkswagon and sliding out of a misty Rosario, Argentina. The city's huge monuments and cloud-soaked buildings escaped through the back window as the car raced along the the riverbank and toward Buenos Aires. With each fleeting mile, the poverty grew worse and to
- [September minutiae](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/30/september-minutiae/) - September is set to end, near as I can tell, in about 13 hours. It's been a been a heckuva month. I barely understand why I keep doing these monthly updates, except that I promised I would at the beginning of the year. October has a lot of promise, I think. Anyway, on with the
- [Remember today...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/11/remember-today/) - ...the thousands of people who died on 9-11-01 and every one of their family and friends who carry a burden most of us cannot understand... ...the fear, one so powerful it rolled in waves from the blind streets of New York to the beaches of California and turned America into an Edvard Munch print... ...the
- [Burn this, sinners](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/07/burn-this-sinners/) - If you are a good person--as most people believe themselves to be--there are things you don't do. This goes beyond the Ten Commandments and the relatively commonsense approach to going through your days honoring the people who should be honored, not killing people, and not coveting your neighbor's wife. Verily, it goes beyond the rules
- [Milestone](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/05/milestone/) - Along the way to becoming a man, along the way to that first kiss, first car, first beer, first love (none of these in any particular order, I'm sure), and all the rest of the things that go into being a man, there are many milestones to pass. The boy-- like I'm sure I was--is
- [Nine years of drivel](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/09/01/nine-years-of-drivel/) - As I sat here and tried to decide what sort of drivel might fit on this page today, I realized I've been writing on Rapid Eye Reality for nine years now. It was around this time in 2001 that my friend Susannah and I sat at a shrimp boil on Tybee Island where we were
- [August minutiae](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/31/august-minutiae/) - As part of my on-going series of "Stuff About Which You Don't Care," here's the monthly report on the little things that kept me busy. Please return in September for...well, whatever happens that is actually interesting. Movies watched: The Candidate; A Serious Man; Homicide Documentaries watched: Anytown, USA; Black Money; Jesus Camp; The Most Dangerous
- [We're going nowhere](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/30/were-going-nowhere/) - I heard a political speech this weekend. I transcribed the end of it from a recording. If you didn't hear it, too, I'd suggest you take the time to read through this brief section. But I remember this: I remember my mom and dad went through the 1930s without welfare, without poverty programs. (Sarcastic)) None
- [Patience, young grasshopper](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/27/patience-young-grasshopper/) - The past three weeks have been busier than most for me and it's not going to slow down much for another six weeks or so. I'm remaining patient. In the meantime, I'm Mr. Mom this weekend as my wife jets off to some exotic locale (a tables-turner, I concede). With no time to write, here's
- [Weekend pimp](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/21/weekend-pimp/) - I woke up this morning with a common but somehow greater appreciation for people who are willing to share what's in their head. I have several friends who have done that over the last year. Using various methods of publishing, four people with whom I've spent a lot of time have put out books. I
- [Six](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/14/six/) - Happy birthday to the boy who taught me a new kind of joy; that life is not only about more than me, but almost entirely about more than me; that there was yet another way to love my wife; that, despite it all, I can wake up every morning with hope for the future. Happy
- [Boogie Ball](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/09/boogie-ball/) - The seaweed was thick that day. A park ranger told me it was called sargassum. I giggled, because that's what children like me do when they discover words that sound like a combination of "sarcasm" and "orgasm." It wouldn't be long before I looked at my wife and said, "I don't need your sargassum, missy."
- [Margarita shrimp tacos recipe](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/08/margarita-shrimp-tacos-recipe/) - The kitchen was a little short on supplies this evening when I went in to make dinner. I ended up experimenting a little bit with what I had and came up with this. There is nothing particularly special about the meal, except for the sauce which I found to be something I hadn't tried before.
- [July minutiae ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/08/01/july-minutiae/) - I realized this morning that I didn't post my minutiae from July. That's easy to forget when your work station looks like this: But, promises are promises, and I told myself I would post this tripe every month. So, hereya go. Exercise: After a couple months of laziness, I got back to something resembling healthy.
- [Brothers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/07/29/brothers/) - I wish I could remember the exact time my brother became my best friend. It might well have been the moment he was born, but you wouldn't have known it until much later. Nearly four years his senior, I pushed him around as much as I could when I was young. He eventually got me
- [June minutiae](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/30/june-minitutae/) - So, what did I do in June? I worked, I traveled (Peru and St. John), and I relaxed. Nothing more. It wasn't a very heady month, which is pretty much what I needed it not to be. Travel days:13 Movies watched: Sherlock Holmes; Edge of Darkness; Spartan; Crazy Heart; Duplicity; The Mist; Zombieland; Up in
- [World Cup tears](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/27/world-cup-tears/) - The boy's lip trembled when it became clear that the USA was going to lose to Ghana. He fought the tears as long as he could and stumbled over his words as he asked why the Ghana player was pretending to be hurt. When the final whistle blew, my son walked around the corner and
- [Greenville News seeks bugle player with "Taps" experience ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/25/greenville-news-seeks-bugle-player-with-taps-experience/) - Classified ad to appear soon in Greenville News: Local newspaper seeks Upstate bugle player, preferably single and good looking, with experience in playing "Taps." Musician must be able to work pro bono or be willing to pay $9.99 per month for online news subscription. Apply in person (our phones got cut off last month) at
- [Alvin Greene: Proof South Carolina Democrats are screwed](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/09/alvin-greene-proof-south-carolina-democrats-are-screwed/) - South Carolina Democratic Party chair Carol Fowler should have the following to-do list today: 1) Apologize to statewide Democrats 2) Resign as chair of South Carolina Democratic party 3) Call up Jim DeMint and accept his heartfelt thanks for giving him a walk in this year's Senate race 4) Apply for job at McDonald's, the
- [Police protection in Peru](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/06/police-protection-in-peru/) - Silenco. The sign in the median of Benavides Avenue is a standard red-slashed-circle with a picture of a horn in the middle of it. It's meant to keep the teeming street in front of the Thunderbird Hotel quiet. The sign might as well be in Swedish for as much heed as is it's paid. A
- [Otis and the Pisco Sour](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/02/otis-and-the-pisco-sour/) - The woman walked toward me with a plate of green balls. No story should begin that way. It's the type of lead that conjures nightmares, or at the very least, pornographic guilt, you know the kind you get when you watch movies on https://www.maturesexmovies.xxx/. And yet, this was my path. I am in Lima, Peru,
- [Memorial Day 2010](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/31/memorial-day-2010/) - I arrived at the airport early because I was hopping on an international flight, because thunderstorms were already delaying the outbounds to Atlanta, and because nearly nine years ago, a few religious extremists flew airplanes into buildings and blew up the world as my generation knew it. It introduced us to a country where security
- [Cuatro something in Peru](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/06/01/cuatro-something-in-peru/) - This is the reason you will never, ever hear me say anything about the Hispanic folk in America who can't speak English: I know there are four something here in Peru that my cab driver really wanted to tell me about last night, but I'll never know what those four somethings were. I'd followed to
- [May minutiae ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/31/may-minutiae/) - File May under "fail." I don't even wanna talk about it. Exercise: Apart from one trip to the gym, the only exercise I got during the entire month was a byproduct of playing ten rounds of disc golf. It wasn't unsubstantial, but it wasn't how I should've treated myself. Freelance writing goals: Not getting far
- [Will Folks teaches us a lesson](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/26/will-folks-teaches-us-a-lesson/) - South Carolina Republicans should thank Will Folks. Back in the early days of Folks' career, he and I had our shouting matches. We had an adversarial yet friendly relationship. I was the pesky reporter. He was Mark Sanford's staunch defender. When Folks left Sanford and I left the news business, I figured that would be
- [Nikki Haley, Will Folks: South Carolina politics as usual](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/24/nikki-haley-will-folks-south-carolina-politics-as-usual/) - There was never a point at which I thought South Carolina politics would get boring or clean. It would be like expecting a profitable whore to come off the streets or Lt. Governor Andre Bauer to work for a living: a practice in futility. [I couldn't get past this sentence before my wife jumped up
- [Dude, I'm getting a Mac](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/23/dude-im-getting-a-mac/) - Well, after all the teeth-gnashing and hand-wringing, Otis Inc. is getting a Mac--a 17" MacBook Pro, to be specific. As most of you predicted, after diddling with my cousin's MacBook for a bit, I was hooked. The only thing I didn't like was the fact imessages kept popping up, but I quickly learnt you can
- [Help me buy a MacBook Pro](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/16/help-me-buy-a-macbook-pro/) - The post below was written a day or two ago and at the same time, I inquired with the tech department for a company for which I do some work about Mac compatibility with the company's VPN. I was told, in no uncertain terms, to NOT buy a Mac. So, that leaves me with a
- [Dos es uno](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/11/dos-es-uno/) - I'll be honest. By the time the boy we call Dos came into the world, I'd forgotten a lot about what it took to be the parent of an infant or toddler. I'd forgotten that going out to grab some tacos requires military-style mobilization and organization. I'd forgotten that listening to Rage Against the Machine
- [Pine Nut Mouth](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/05/01/pine-nut-mouth/) - I blamed the banana, and I blamed it in a number of four-letter ways that would've made my mom wash my mouth out with brands of soap only familiar to Russian intelligence agencies and the Mossad. I cursed every banana republic I could think of and made up a few (Sonofabitchiti being the most the
- [I was so much older then...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/30/i-was-so-much-older-then/) - We live in a house that is probably just big enough for two adults, two children, and a 13 pound dog. I sometimes look at it and think of the homestead as Mr. Creosote: put one more wafer-thin mint in it and it will explode all over Paris Mountain. Though garage sales make me think
- [April minutiae](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/30/april-minutiae/) - It's hard to know for sure, because I've had about an hour and half sleep and am looking at the spreadsheet while my baby rocks around the room at 5am (we've been up since 1:30am). But, if I'm going by the numbers, April was not a very good month for me. That is, nothing went
- [The peanut butter conundrum](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/28/the-peanut-butter-conundrum/) - I was in my mid-teens before I realized that most people did not put peanut butter on their pancakes. Or waffles. Or French toast. This fact, mundane as it may seem, was eventually cause for some amount of embarrassment. Later in life, people would look at me as if I'd suggested putting red hots on
- [The Irrational Machine](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/26/the-irrational-machine/) - Every weekday morning at 7:30am on the nose, John Smith (not his real name) gets up from the same spot on his bed. He showers with a clean wash cloth, washes under the same shower head setting (light massage), and dries with a clean towel. He brushes his teeth with the same brand of toothbrush
- [Cons or kids?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/21/cons-or-kids/) - The War on Drugs is making kids stupid. According to this report in today's local paper, our local school district is about to face the possibility of increasing class sizes and eliminating some AP classes. Why? No money. The state's budget is a right mess and it that means education funding is going to take
- [Things you should read](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/20/things-you-should-read/) - I'm often inspired by my friends. In the past week, two people I'm proud to call buddies have written some very personal stories. At first I wondered if I was so touched by both because I know the writers. After reading them through again, I realized I'm touched by the sheer honesty of them both.
- [St. Francis Hospital responds...but not to us](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/04/st-francis-hospital-responds-but-not-to-us/) - Greenville, South Carolina's Bon Secours St. Francis Health System is proud of its record. Its hospitals deliver 2,100 babies every year, nearly one baby for every employee of the hospital. Its stated mission is as follows: "... to bring compassion to health care and to be good help to those in need, especially the poor
- [Easter egg totem pole](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/04/03/easter-egg-totem-pole/) - Hey, it's your chance to play..."What is he trying to say?"
- [March minutiae ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/31/march-minutiae/) - And in March, he rested. My friend Blood and I have a lot of discussions about discipline. He's probably the most disciplined person I know. He can work out with a hangover, stick to any goal he sets for himself, and can quit anything he wants to quit like it's something he never wanted to
- [Fight](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/22/fight/) - Jamie Gardner was the type of guy who could kill you with his hands if he didn't scare you to death with his eyes. He wasn't huge, but he was an elastic bundle of muscle and he punched faster than any of his peers. He'd put down guys bigger than him and would take on
- [Fight, postscript](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/23/fight-postscript/) - Around this time yesterday, I started thinking about Jamie Gardner. After nearly three decades, I'd doubled back on some fairly impressive memories from my childhood. My mind tripped and stumbled over all of the kids who lived in our neighborhood. I had a mental map of the streets with dots on every block--the Freemans, the
- [Spring and savory](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/21/spring-and-savory/) - Last week was a busy one. No time for shopping, planning, or menu-creation. Everything was on the fly. The wife went to Whole Foods to pick up our locally grown order and shot me a text. "Two pounds of shrimp. Anything else?" I was busy, and simply responded "I can work with shrimp." "Sides?" she
- [Where I am, and where I'm not](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/20/where-i-am-and-where-im-not/) - If the earth had not shook, I would be in Vina del Mar, Chile right now. I would be tired, watching people play poker, and writing about it with all my heart. I'd be drinking horrible Cristal beer in a little club called Hollywood, and following some guy named Pablo through the dark streets in
- [Reject](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/18/reject/) - I asked a lot of people to marry me when I was in second grade. I never learned to fight very well, so I tried my best to love. Hence, the proposals. I don't know how many times as a seven year-old that I vowed to have and hold my classmates. I do know that
- [Why I didn't pre-order the iPad](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/12/why-i-didnt-pre-order-the-ipad/) - Unlike a lot of you who might have bounded out of bed this morning to pre-order the iPad, I slept comfortably until 8 am and then began my workday without so much as a thought about Apple's latest toy. Why? Well, I have a laptop computer. And I have a Kindle. And I have an
- [Devolved again](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/08/devolved-again/) - Part of taking a few days to spend with a couple dozen of you closest friends is that you need a few days to rest and and catch up on real life after it's over. However, I couldn't let Monday go by without thanking everyone who came into town for your continued friendship, debauchery, and
- [The juice connoisseur ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/03/02/the-juice-connoisseur/) - "So what comes with the quesadilla?" he asked the waitress. It was after midnight and the dude was getting his food comped by the poker room. "Vegetables and cheese," the server. She was patient. "Can you have them put extra vegetables in it?" he asked and received a nod. "And light on the cheese?" I
- [February minutiae ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/28/february-minutiae/) - This 28-day month thing really needs to change. If I were February, I would insist the short-month responsibility work on some rotational basis in which the short month got passed around. June gets awfully high and mighty with its "I have the longest day" crap. Somebody needs to tell June, it's not how long your
- [Racing the flight attendants](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/19/racing-the-flight-attendants/) - You remember the movie "Outbreak." And surely you remember Patrick Dempsey's role as the hapless slacker who jacks a monkey from some port warehouse. And you certainly cannot forget his performance as "sick dude on a plane." That's me right now. Sleepless and bordering on ill as we fly over Flagstaff, Arizona. My in-flight map
- [The man who gave me King Cake](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/16/the-man-who-gave-me-king-cake/) - Knowing what a King Cake is makes me feel special, even though it's only special in the way that anyone who has ever been to Mardi Gras is part of the club. Nonetheless, knowing the taste of King Cake is better than knowing the taste of a Boston Cream or Key Lime pie. Don't ask
- [The Brett Favre of parenting](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/15/the-brett-favre-of-parenting/) - Guilt is a byproduct of selfishness. Guilt, that tightness around the heart and lump in the throat, reminds us that, but for satisfying our own wants and desires, we might not have overlooked something so simple we could've done to make it all better. Instead, we went our own way. And then the guilt. My
- [On pretense and population](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/11/on-pretense-and-population/) - The reason it's so easy to remember that people largely suck and are more often than not idiots is because there are so many of them. This is as evident in Chinese smog as it is in the drive-thru lane at Jack In the Box when the woman in the Kia takes five minutes to
- [Thank you, Mr. Bin Laden. That will be $5.](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/10/thank-you-mr-bin-laden-that-will-be-5/) - Sometimes when I lie awake in bed, when the covers feel too hot, when I could use the loving touch of a diabolical revolutionary, I think of Osama Bin Laden. I like to picture him eating a bowl of Froot Loops or mowing my lawn. Or, if I'm feeling especially saucy, I like to imagine
- [It's what we do](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/08/its-what-we-do/) - It's chilly out--somewhere in the 40s--and we're not wearing jackets. The Super Bowl will kick off in two hours.The boy and I stand across from each other and he screams, "Run!" And so I trot a little, step into a post route, and look back at him. In one fluid motion, he slips his hand
- [Continuing adventures in health care](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/03/continuing-adventures-in-health-care/) - I don't answer the house phone. If you know me well enough to need me, if you have my cell phone number. Today, the house phone rang and listed the caller ID from an auto supply company in Auburn, Indiana. As it happens, my car is in the shop right now, so I thought, "Well,
- [Responsibility, the internet's condom](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/02/01/responsibility-the-internets-condom/) - If you have the clap and somebody wants to get in your pants, whose job is it to tell that person that you have the clap? That's the question I posed this morning as my mouth hung agape. A television news web site I regularly visit was infected with a virus for several hours this
- [January analytics](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/31/january-analytics/) - I've found that quests for personal betterment are usually easy to derail with a little unconscious rationalization. A little concession here, a little laziness there. By the time August rolls around, it's easy to say, well, I did almost everything I said I was going to do. In 2009, I made it a point to
- [Lost letters](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/28/lost-letters/) - I was cleaning up my laptop this week when I ran across something that bore my younger son's name. I didn't remember creating the document, and when I opened it up I didn't recognize the text. After a few minutes I realized it was the beginning of an unfinished letter to my baby, written in
- [Sunday warrior](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/25/sunday-warrior/) - The Doppler radar looked like a corner man's towel in the ninth round. Three slashes of red cut across Georgia and western South Carolina, each one more pronounced as they stepped south toward the Florida panhandle. I eyed the storms in motion on my computer screen and cut a quick glance at the Colts-Jets game
- [Contrails and flour](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/19/contrails-and-flour/) - Busy on several projects today. Here's a photo I found when cleaning off my hard drive from 2009.
- [Cocaine cabbies](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/17/cocaine-cabbies/) - It's ten o'clock in the morning and I am in rough shape. I left the club some time after 3am, somewhere around the time I remembered I was 36 years old and most of those people gyrating on the dance floor still had a few years to go before they would hear their knees crackle
- [Bahamas bits](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2010/01/12/bahamas-bits/) - I've now been in the Bahamas for ten days and there is no common thread that can tie the whole experience together. It's a mess of random nightmares mixed with zombie walks through a giant poker tournament that has to be experienced to be fully understood. Here are a few notes from my chicken scratch.
- [Rapid Eye Reality's 2009 superlatives](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/29/rapid-eye-realitys-2009-superlatives/) - In 2009, my wife gave me another son. She gave me room to be me. She gave me encouragement like no one else could. In 2009, my oldest son looked at me in a way that made me realize I have no greater purpose than making him and his brother happy. In 2009, I lost
- [Being us on Christmas](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/23/being-us-on-christmas/) - The other day as we sat beneath stockings and in the glow of a perfectly-lit North Carolina pine, my son asked, "Dad, can we celebrate Hanukkah sometime?" This is where my son's experience is different from mine. I literally did not meet a Jewish person until I was a freshman in college (that guy immediately
- [Charity Worley: One year gone](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/17/charity-worley-one-year-gone/) - One year ago, Linda Casey walked out of her house on a cold morning and found her daughter dead. She made a phone call that was eventually broadcast to the tri-state area by a reporter who should've thought twice about using a 911 call in his report. That phone call and the voice behind it
- [A day with my boy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/14/a-day-with-my-boy/) - I just spent ten days pretending I'm a lot younger than I am and acting generally selfish. It was, as you might expect, a damned good time (with the exception of that time it wasn't). Now, it's back to my thankfully not-so-normal normal life. The first order of business was making sure my family still
- [Six Weeks of Crazy nears its crazy end](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/12/03/six-weeks-of-crazy-nears-its-crazy-end/) - The following isn't so much interesting as it is an excuse for why I've been away so much recently. About five weeks ago, I started using the phrase "Six Weeks of Crazy" to describe the days between November 1 and December 14. At the time, I didn't know how crazy it would be. It began
- [Slammed](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/24/slammed/) - Five of us sat around a small table in Playa Conchal, Costa Rica drinking Imperial beer and chatting about our lives. A nearby disco played bad music for a few dancers. A few yards behind us, a small casino dealt its local version of blackjack (yeah, a version that pays 1 to 1 for blackjack).
- [John Ludwig: Sometimes it's too easy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/18/john-ludwig-sometimes-its-too-easy/) - I'm not one to toot my own horn unless the horn is so tootable that even the most humble of prognosticators couldn't help but keep his lips off the mouthpiece. Here's what I wrote on May 5, just a few days after John Ludwig plowed his car through William Bardsley's home. Prediction: a jury never
- [Last kiss](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/17/last-kiss/) - Anna Lea worked in a doctor's office and was sure the way those women screamed in pain was all put on, a desperate cry for attention from a pregnant woman. Grasping the idea of having a boyfriend, let alone marrying one, getting pregnant, and giving birth, it all seemed so foreign and far away. Listening
- [Part of growing up](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/12/part-of-growing-up/) - "It's Wolverine, Dad. X-Men," he said when he'd turned on the TV. The look on his face let me know that this was not a show his mom would let him watch. The boy was entranced and shamelessly absorbing the kind of shows big boys get to enjoy. I paused the television and called my
- [The Dive](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/11/the-dive/) - Part 4 of the November iPhone Photo Project … aka…NaNo-iPho June 2009 The night before Phish hit Asheville, NC, some friends were in town to get an early start on the fun. Part of the night included my local friends taking everybody to our favorite dive. It's a little quonset hut turned dive bar on
- [Anna Nicole and the November iPhone photo project](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/04/anna-nicole-and-the-november-iphone-photo-project/) - I did the math. If I do all I need to do between now and the time I have a break on December 9th, I should have about 10 minutes a day for Rapid Eye Reality. The last time I ran into this situation, I let my little home here wither on the vine. In
- [Home videos](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/11/01/home-videos/) - I moved away from Missouri in 1997. I left town in a yellow Ryder truck full of junk and a few buddies who were willing to make the drive to Jackson, Mississippi for a day. When I left, I did it without a plan. I didn't know when or if I was ever going back
- [A Halloween story](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/28/a-halloween-story/) - Last year at this time, I wrote a little story for Halloween titled "The spot in my yard." It was a spooky little tale based on some real happenings around the house. This year as we edged up on Halloween, I decided I wanted to write something else. I thought it would be fun to
- [Still asking why](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/28/still-asking-why/) - During the last Presidential administration, I used the word "why" a lot. Now that the guy I supported is in office, it would be pretty ridiculous of me to stop asking. So, when a friend of mine and I started discussing Afghanistan a few days ago, I was pleased that I wasn't the only left-leaning
- [Fireworks break](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/24/fireworks-break/) - We're getting ready to head into Otis' Six Weeks of Crazy that will see me in plane seats and hotel beds as much as I am home. Today, we took the afternoon to take a drive around the area, enjoy the each other's company, and check out the October fireworks. We again confirmed why we
- [Jim DeMint fears Orwell, thought, compassion](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/23/jim-demint-fears-orwell-thought-compassion/) - I honestly didn't know people still actively worked to defeat hate crime legislation. I thought it had become sort of passé, like segregated lunch counters or Native American genocide. Yet, there are still people in the U.S. Senate--29 of them, in fact--who voted against the latest addition to the federal hate crime law1. One of
- [Journalism and the Palmetto State of play](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/22/journalism-and-the-palmetto-state-of-play/) - Union County, South Carolina was barely on the map in 1993. There was no easy way to get there by interstate highway. It wasn't even the place drivers ended up by accident. It was one of those places that traverlers only went on purpose. By October 1994, nearly everyone in America had heard of the
- [In case of emergency](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/21/in-case-of-emergency/) - "You do not want to be the last one in here," he said. A few seconds later, I was in the hallway with all my gear and a few hundred other people. If Mike hadn't said that to me, my computer, backpack, and passport would still be in that room. Hence, I would still be
- [Balloon Boy is your fault](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/18/balloon-boy-is-your-fault/) - This is your fault. Certainly, there's a lot of blame to go around, but most of the people who are pointing fingers at the Henne family tonight should turn off their TV and look at the screen's reflection, because that's where the real blame lies. Oh, sure, you feel duped. You prayed for the boy.
- [The flour did not prepare me](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/17/the-flour-did-not-prepare-me/) - I was 16 years old and carrying a five-pound bag of flour around the halls of Willard High School. Because the flour was wrapped in a baby blanket and wearing a diaper--and because I was supposed to carry it with me everywhere I went--I was meant to understand that parenting is a great responsibility. I
- [Continued adventures in health care](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/13/continued-adventures-in-health-care/) - The boy we call Dos is now five months old. He recently started eating oatmeal. He can roll front to back and back to front. The way he's moving, I wouldn't be surprised if he is crawling by Halloween. And at this moment, I'm as close to paying off my wife's car as I am
- [Drunk in London](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/11/drunk-in-london/) - It's easy to booze it up on the road trips I take. The poker world is full of people who only know two things: poker and partying. As I get older, I have to pick my battles and the trip to London was a fight I chose to sit out (for the most part). There
- [Bye, London](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/10/09/bye-london/) - The trip was exhausting. The hours were pretty long and the jet lag lag made it all longer. I'm still barely conscious, but I made it home last night. I might write more about the trip in the coming days, but for now I've got more work to do and I have yet to fully
- [Finished fiction](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/27/finished-fiction/) - I don't like to leave things unfinished. It's rare of me to start any project and not work tirelessly on it until it's finished or dead. Earlier this year, I thought it would be nice to plant a bush in my back yard. Two weeks later, I'd re-landscaped the entire thing. The exception to the
- [One night in South Carolina](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/13/one-night-in-south-carolina/) - It was hot in Columbia, but that was nothing new. Columbia, South Carolina was the very first piece of evidence global warming existed. Like a married man caught with a VHS copy of Hung Well (A Story of Men), the leaders of the conservative stronghold protested too much. They most certainly were not faaaaabulous, Columbia
- [Hope, again](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/11/hope-again/) - This many years later, I still can't help but find hope in this photo.
- [Facing the bad man](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/08/facing-the-bad-man/) - "And you, sir..." The judge looked across Courtoom 2 and at the graying, tired guy in blue jeans and faded polo shirt. Five years ago, this courtroom--the whole of the courthouse, really--was his home. He'd seen murderers, rapists, robbers, and white collar thieves walk through the doors by the dozens. The building was his second
- [Press release](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/05/press-release/) - FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE REEDY RIVER CARDS FIND NEW COACH, NEW NAME (Greenville, SC) With fewer than 24 hours remaining before the 2009 draft, the Reedy River Cards owner and General Manager Brad Willis has announced the termination of the Cards' agreement with the team’s current coach, actor Tom Sizemore. “As a charter member of the
- [Dr. Funny](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/04/dr-funny/) - Listen, this post really isn't for those with weak stomachs. I don't even really want to write it, but after Snip, Vasectomy in pictures, and V Day, I figured I should close it out. You've been warned. I did what I was supposed to do. I shaved my netherregions such that I looked like a
- [V Day](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/03/v-day/) - I'm counting on my doctor to have a sense of humor.
- [I was driving down the road one day...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/09/02/i-was-driving-down-the-road-one-day/) - "I know what this song is about!" my son announced proudly from the backseat. We were in a bit of a hurry, so I didn't steal a look at the XM display. I'd never heard the song before--some autotuned pop ballad that on most days would make me cry for the future of American music--so
- [Social justice and the green ball](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/30/social-justice-and-the-green-ball/) - "Do you want the balls?" the girl asked me. I looked at her. She was brunette and probably 20 years old. It would be crude, I thought, to make a joke about balls. It would be inappropriate. It might be illegal. So, I said, "Um." My wife saved me, indicating we did want the balls.
- [Mark Sanford boned me](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/26/mark-sanford-boned-me/) - Barbecue makes me hot, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Whether the sauce is based in ketchup, mustard, or vinegar, it might as well be Spanish Fly shaken with raw oyster liquor. I moved to the South in 1997 and I'm fairly certain I've been aroused by barbecue as much as I have by
- [Interrogate this](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/24/interrogate-this/) - "Really!?!? We're investigating whether the CIA told the 9/11 mastermind they were going to kill his kids? Liberals are wimps." --Twitter post of my most conservative friend (who can out himself in the comments if he likes). *** It is easy to debate with true believers, laugh at conspiracy nuts, and buy feminine hygiene products
- [An open letter to Brett Favre](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/18/an-open-letter-to-brett-favre/) - Dear Brett, It's that last drive of the 2008 season, isn't it? You can't get it out of your head. You made your triumphant return in a city that didn't understand you, showed them you could play on any field in any part of the country, and gave the world one final poignant look at
- [Five years](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/14/five-years/) - ...of being a daddy. Happy birthday, buddy.
- [Phriday phone pics](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/22/phriday-phone-pics/) - It's no secret that the iPhone camera is just about the the only bad thing about the current generation of the device. As it is, the iPhone is like Marilyn Monroe with a goiter--almost perfect, but noticeably messed up. Nonetheless, I whip the phone out on a regular basis. As Tom from Random Connections put
- [The meaning of shrimp](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/09/the-meaning-of-shrimp/) - I understand why some people don't like shrimp. They say they got sick on it once, or it tastes too fishy, or it doesn't have any taste at all. They are people who have never eaten shrimp that wasn't at one time frozen. They are people who have never eaten shrimp that wasn't cooked beyond
- [Friday Mental Massage: Blind items](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/07/friday-mental-massage-blind-items/) - This week's Friday Mental Massage comes less than 24 hours before I'll be packing the car and moving to the beach for a week. Work won't allow this to be a full-fledged vacation, but at least I'll be working within a short walk to Atlantic Ocean. That ain't so bad. Since I'm not going to
- [Spend local](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/08/03/spend-local/) - I have a theory about people who eat at Olive Garden and think it's Italian food. I believe they are the same people who get a hickey and think they've received oral sex. The most interesting things within a half mile of Greenville, South Carolina's Tito's Pizzeria are a gas station and a former convent.
- [Friday Mental Massage: Facts edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/31/friday-mental-massage-facts-edition/) - It's been a week of big opinions here at Rapid Eye Reality. While it's really entertaining, I thought it was time to cleanse ourselves with some facts (or, at least, facts as I see them...which probably makes them opinions, but that's how everybody else wants to operate, and we're not going to let the truth
- [Priceless: Getting a peek at my hospital bill](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/30/priceless-getting-a-peek-at-my-hospital-bill/) - Listen, I have a hard enough time explaining to my older son why he is left handed and his parents are right handed. The last thing I want to do is tell my sons why they have foreskin and I don't. That is to say, even if insurance wasn't paying for it, we weren't going
- [Meme dump](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/28/meme-dump/) - I've been getting hit with a massive meme dump on Facebook. Despite how masturbatory it is (or perhaps because of...), I always end up completing the damned things. I think I do it, in large part, because these are the kinds of conversations I have with my buddies at bars, and I've been spending a
- [The Salad with the Dirty Name](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/24/the-salad-with-the-dirty-name/) - I was going to make chicken enchiladas tonight, and I probably would have if I hadn't walked into the kitchen and seen a pear in the snack bowl. That's always where things get weird for me. If I handled relationships the same way I handle cooking, I'd probably have a lot of venereal diseases and
- [Reform this](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/07/22/reform-this/) - If you are an average American, I have a hard time understanding why you do not want to see the health care and health insurance industries reformed. As near as I can tell from listening to my conservative friends, it has something to do with government not interfering with private industry and the haves not
- [Los Angeles Douchebagicus](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/27/los-angeles-douchebagicus/) - Los Angeles Douchebagicus is a member of the Douchebagicus family and is most widespread in the American West. A domesticated ancestor of the wild French Douchebag, the L.A. Douchebag (as it is commonly known) survives mainly on a diet of cocaine, energy drinks, and self-synthesized "sweat of the entitled." Unable to survive outside of its
- [Gone, Daddy, gone](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/24/gone-daddy-gone/) - (Las Vegas, Nevada) Yesterday my son jumped into the swimming pool and swam the length of it without stopping. When he finished, he popped his head up out of the water and looked at me. He was waiting to see my reaction. He wanted to see how I, an out-of-shape thirty-something reacted to a not
- [Friday Mental Massage: The last Friday](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/19/friday-mental-massage-the-last-friday/) - When I woke up this morning, I put on a live Allman Brothers album, opened all the curtains, and sat in the Carolina sunshine. Everything is green, I wake up every morning in a familiar bed, and I know exactly how long it will take me to get that first shot of caffeine. Living at
- [Bands of brothers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/17/bands-of-brothers/) - "Is Carlo dead?" My four year old son son sat wide-eyed and confronted the reality of it all. Carlo, a giant gash in the side of his head, lay in the sand. Flies buzzed around his silent frame as the camera did a long, slow death zoom to the open wound. The bleeding had stopped
- [The mayor who Twittered (or didn't)](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/14/the-mayor-who-twittered-or-didnt/) - Note: The following contains some language you might not normally expect to read on a Sunday afternoon. You've been warned. It was dinnertime on Friday night and the city of Greenville, SC was ramping up to another night of revelry. Summer in the city would see thousands of people milling around the downtown bars and
- [Friday Mental Massage: Summer's end edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/12/friday-mental-massage-summers-end-edition/) - Well, summer is almost over. Hot one wasn't it? Oh, you're just getting started? I get it. You're normal. For me, I'm headed off to summer school (read: work in Las Vegas) very soon, so these four...relaxing...weeks I've had since Dos' birth are all I'm going to get for a while. Life gets weird in
- [My phirst time](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/10/my-phirst-time/) - Trey Anastasio might be the world's greatest hypnotist. It takes talent to put just one person under a spell. The power of suggestion can sometimes be enough for a stand-up hypnotist to control a small stage full of people. Anastasio can capture the minds of tens of thousands of people at once, and he only
- [Frolf body](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/08/frolf-body/) - I rolled over this morning and wished I'd had a mirror nearby. By all indications, I'd been in a car wreck, and I wanted to know how bad it had been. Had my beautiful face been mangled? Was I monster? Even if crippled, as I almost surely was, could I still woo the ladies with
- [The worst time to blog](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/04/the-worst-time-to-blog/) - I just returned from the grocery store, where--if the royal They is correct--the worst time to go is when you're hungry. As it happened, I was getting a bit peckish and found myself loading the cart with cheese doodles, ranch dressing, and fatback. I had to occupy my mind in a better way, so as
- [When 90% is all you get](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/06/01/when-90-is-all-you-get/) - I had neither shaved nor showered in 48 hours and the doctor who looked like John Grisham was telling me how he was going to stick a two-inch needle into my newborn's spinal column. Dr. Grisham moved quickly through the risks--blood, pain, paralysis. "Ninety percent of the time, there's not a problem," he said. An
- [I got nothin'](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/28/i-got-nothin/) - Maybe it's the odd hours, the new noises, the tweaked schedule, but I really got nothin'. At all.
- [Touch the sun](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/26/touch-the-sun/) - I'm still getting used to the new normal around Mt. Otis and I've managed to let the day slip away without much in the way of writing. In lieu of anything substantive, here's a picture I took with my iPhone last night.
- [Remember](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/25/remember/) - Photo credit: I wish I knew. It's been reposted on the internet so many times, I can't find the original source. So, thanks.
- [It's not for my nipples](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/20/its-not-for-my-nipples/) - "Call me when you leave the gym," my wife said. "I'm not sure if I'm going to have time to pick up my prescription." I was listening. I promise. Just not enough to ask any more details. And if I'm being honest, I didn't remember about the request until I was halfway home. It's been
- [Why Greenville, SC works: Reason #87](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/18/why-greenville-sc-works-reason-87/) - Occasionally I find something about my adopted hometown that I add to an ever growing list of reasons that make me happy I have chosen to raise my family here. I found another good reason last weekend. My wife was trying to walk to the baby out of her uterus. She was eager to move
- [Robert Paul Stephens cold case comes to end](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/16/robert-paul-stephens-cold-case-comes-to-end/) - God, it was hot. Baugh Road sat right on the edge of the Pickens and Anderson County line. Everything smelled burned and mosquitoes were swimming in the humid air. I was sweating into pair of wrinkled khaki pants and a starchy white shirt. June 1999 was the first month that made me wonder if I
- [To my second son](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/14/to-my-second-son/) - There is a man in our neighborhood who walks his snake. When your mom and I first saw the guy, we thought he was carrying a rope or a white horseshoe draped over his hand. Either would have made as much sense as the yellow and white snake that gets a twice-a-day trip through the
- [New dads are allowed...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/14/new-dads-are-allowed/) - ...one gratuitous photo gallery post after their kid is born. This is mine. I can't promise I won't continue writing on my continued attempts at being a decent dad, but I won't spam you with tons of kid photos...after today. Those are just a few. Feel free to check out my Flickr page for any
- [Dos makes it easy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/12/dos-makes-it-easy/) - There will be time for something verbose and mushy sometime later this week. For now, just let it be known that the kid known as Dos arrived last night at 10:16pm and weighed in at 7lbs 4oz. He came into the world quickly and, all things considered, pretty easily. He and his mom are both
- [The moms in my life](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/10/the-moms-in-my-life/) - I'm fortunate enough to be able to celebrate Mother's Day 2009 with both of the moms in my life. One helped make me who I am and the other helps me make sure I don't mess it all up. I love them both more than I'll ever be able to tell them. I wiill be
- [Artist Brian Olsen tangles me up](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/09/artist-brian-olsen-tangles-me-up/) - From the files of, "Wow, that was neat..." It was a beautiful, albeit very warm, day here in Greenville. We made the best of it by starting at the Saturday Market (came home with fresh grass-fed beef steaks, strawberries, and local honey) and then walked down to Artisphere, an annual festival of visual and performing
- [Friday Mental Massage: The cataclysmic edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/08/friday-mental-massage-the-cataclysmic-edition/) - It's been a while since we enjoyed a Friday Mental Massage. Because I am as unfocused as I can possibly be right now, it seems like a good time to work out the noodle knots (see the posts below this one for anything resembling writing or real news). The wife is toeing at her due
- [The party at the end of the world](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/23/the-party-at-the-end-of-the-world/) - Punta del Este, Uruguay--The cabbie drove a straight path through s-shaped curves at 120 kilometers per hour. When the olive-skinned Uruguayan was a child, there no doubt his crayons ran outside the lines. The white dotted lane dividers weren't even seen as a suggestion. They didn't exist to our driver. The solid white mark indicating
- [John Ludwig: Murderer?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/06/john-ludwig-murderer/) - John Ludwig probably expected to be in some amount of trouble when he stepped out of his crumpled Maserti. He probably figured he was in for a tough year when he realized he'd just traveled through a house and killed a man. At no point until the last 48 hours, however, could Ludwig have thought
- [John Ludwig, a flying Maserati, and a dead man](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/05/john-ludwig-a-flying-maserati-and-a-dead-man/) - John Ludwig is screwed. Or John Ludwig is not nearly as screwed as he could be. It all depends on what happens when two of the best known legal eagles, Bob Ariail and Billy Wilkins, come beak-to-beak. If you're from these parts, the story has been impossible to ignore. For those outside the DMA, here's
- [There's an app for that](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/05/04/theres-an-app-for-that/) - When the wife went into labor with the boy nearly five years ago, we sat looking at a clock. We held a pen and paper in our hands and recorded each contraction like the times were nuclear sub codes. The wife was in labor for for 17 hours. We are rapidly approaching Dos' due date.
- [Gary Michael Hilton and Jason Knapp](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/17/gary-michael-hilton-and-jason-knapp/) - The arrest of Gary Michael Hilton for the alleged murder of Georgia hiker Meredith Emerson should not have brought back any memories for me. However, now that investigators are connecting Hilton to the murder of North Carolina hiker Irene Bryant and the disappearance of her husband John, people are starting to use words "serial killer."
- [Highway 29 revisited](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/30/highway-29-revisited/) - U.S. 29 didn't start as a backwater back road. It didn't birth itself as a place that looked like it came straight from Dante's mind and landed in an Anderson County, SC cow pasture. It didn't begin as a place where buildings go to die and wrinkled men in overalls sell things from the Nearly
- [Endorse this](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/30/endorse-this/) - There's a very important class that famous people take. You probably don't know about it because you have to be famous before you're allowed in the Circle of Lust. I only know about it because I know a famous guy who got drunk and let it slip one night. Screw sodium pentathol. Give me a
- [Mmmm, bacon](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/29/mmmm-bacon/) - It's comfort food week on Mt. Otis. I made an old school taco salad last night--really traditional, uninventive, and awesome beyond words. Near the end of the prep work, I almost went avant-garde. I spied some center-cut bacon in the meat drawer. God, I love bacon. "Swine!" I screamed, peed in my pants a little,
- [Charity Worley killed with pipe](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/28/charity-worley-killed-with-pipe/) - I have a hard time deciding which is scarier. Is it the possibility that someone unknown to Charity Worley stalked her, laid in wait, and then beat her to death with a pipe outside her home? Is it the possibility that this random attacker is still walking around western North Carolina? Or is it it
- [Twitter, Facebook, and biscuits](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/26/twitter-facebook-and-biscuits/) - My grandparents live on a county road in southwest Missouri. My great uncle lives just behind them, just across a dirt road. My mom's cousin lives a couple of places down. When we buried my cousin some years ago, we didn't need a car to get to the church and cemetery. The community, such as
- [See you soon](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/24/see-you-soon/) - Our days as a family of three are numbered. Happy weekend' y'all.
- [Two men out of control](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/23/two-men-out-of-control/) - It seems even fate is working with furloughs these days. With no time to spare at April's end, justice was efficient this week in Upstate South Carolina. Rather than draw out judicial proceedings for a couple of men, it took care of them expeditiously in one afternoon. It's impossible to compare the two crimes. Jerry
- [The superpancho](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/22/the-superpancho/) - Our lungs had not yet been fully coated with the smoke of 500 chain smoking, leather-faced Argentinian gamblers. The middle aged women looked like their makeovers came courtesy of Rawlings after the catchers mitts had been made for the year. The men all looked like aged Nazis, despite the fact they'd been born long after
- [Wherein I regain my optimism](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/14/wherein-i-regain-my-optimism/) - (Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport)--Obviously yesterday did not go as planned. A combination of bad weather, a broken plane, and Delta Airlines being Delta airlines meant I never left the ground yesterday. Rather, I spent about half the day at my home airport and then went home to sulk. I am even uglier when I sulk. I
- [Ghosts](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/12/ghosts/) - We didn't go to Cabo for Spring Break. Daytona Beach never made the list. If somebody had mentioned Cancun, we probably would've yawned. Why, I can't say for sure. We were surely as drunk as every other college kid. Our libidos worked fine--too fine most of the time. I was running from a relationship that
- [The coolest thing you'll see today](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/09/the-coolest-thing-youll-see-today/) - This has been going around for a couple weeks, but I just found it, courtesy of my snarky buddy Iggy. I've seen nothing cooler this week. If you're like me, the type to get a little misty at soul-touching ideas perfectly executed, you might grab a Kleenex before clicking play. And do click play. And
- [Much atwitter about nothing](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/09/much-atwitter-about-nothing/) - Twitter is the Keanu Reeves of the internet. I imagine a big budget film in 1994. It has big guns, big names, the perfect script, and Oscar written all over it. Spielberg already has the project and he's trying to decide who would be the best leading man. Then, the executive producer walks in the
- [If you don't want an answer...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/08/if-you-dont-want-an-answer/) - Journalism is at its roots a practice in asking questions. The more questions you ask, the more answers you stand to get, the more you can do your job of informing the public. Sometimes-and frankly, more often than seems reasonable--TV journos are forgetting that job. They'd rather be commentators, speculators, advocates, or stars. In the
- [Rapid Eye ephemera](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/04/05/rapid-eye-ephemera/) - It may be that I'm working a lot, not sleeping a lot, or becoming naturally concerned with the all-too-soon birth of the boy we call Dos. Regardless, I haven't written yet in the month of April. I usually wait around for one subject to grow to a full post. Nothing is doing that right now.
- [Charity Worley case goes online](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/31/charity-worley-case-goes-online/) - If you are a frequent reader here, you know I occasionally take an interest in unsolved crimes in the area. One recent case nags at me more than I'd like, simply because it makes so little sense. Somebody killed Hendersonville, North Carolina's Charity Worley in her driveway a couple of weeks before Christmas 2008. Like
- [Seth Rogen and the Eddie Murphy Dilemma ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/30/seth-rogen-and-the-eddie-murphy-dilemma/) - It was a rainy Friday night and I hadn't spent the mortgage money on a feature film in a few weeks. The wife wasn't feeling well and the boy was itching for something to do. The new DreamWorks joint Monsters vs. Aliens had just hit the screen. The solution seemed simple. With nothing in the
- [The firefighter's tangled web](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/27/the-firefighters-tangled-web/) - After all the confusion regarding the story of the allegedly kidnapped Greenville County firefighter earlier this week, this news just broke. Michael Polston, the man who said he was kidnapped at knife point, has been charged with filing a false police report. He is being arraigned at this hour at the Greenville County Law Enforcement
- [Desperation nation](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/25/desperation-nation/) - When I get kidnapped, the first thing I think is, "Man, I could go for a taco." We'll get back to that in a minute. A few weeks back, Bruce Lee Windsor (seen in the photo to the left), a 43-year old church deacon, father of four, and business owner apparently walked into Greenville bank
- [Bad idea Friday](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/27/bad-idea-friday/) - This is all I have time for today. If there is a Top Ten catch phrase in my family, it's "bad idea jeans." My brother just found this older SNL video on Hulu and sent it across to make my day. Enjoy!
- [Councilwoman Diane Smock has not been kidnapped](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/25/councilwoman-diane-smock-has-not-been-kidnapped/) - After botching the call on last night's kidnapping, I feel like I need to redeem myself with a sure thing. Thus, I offer you this fact: Greenville City Council member Diane Smock is not currently being held at gunpoint in London. Unfortunately, that's not what her friends were hearing yesterday. It started yesterday when Smock's
- [Uruguay? That's random!](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/15/uruguay-thats-random/) - The girl who cuts my hair knows I keep an odd travel schedule. She looked at me in the mirror last week and asked, "Got any trips planned?" "Going to Uruguay on Sunday," I said. She scrunched up her face. "Uruguay? That's random!" This was the same girl who just a couple of months ago
- [Helping where you can](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/13/helping-where-you-can/) - What you see on the left is about 1/3 of what it takes to make a meal for 20 people. One of our neighbors is going through a really horrible thing right now. I can't even imagine it. Don't want to think about it. Regardless, I've been heartened by the support our neighborhood has provided
- [Camouflage and podcasts](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/11/camouflage-and-podcasts/) - My son is fascinated with the military. A few weeks back, we pulled into Aunt Sue's, a country meat and three in Pickens County. A convoy of soldiers pulled in behind us. They ate quickly and returned to their weekend mission. As each one walked out, my son looked up from his mac and cheese
- [Two things that should be awesome but aren't](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/08/when-perfect-isnt-enough/) - I feel compelled to warn you. See, when I like something, it generally means I really like it. I generally will go on and on about it until the next big thing comes along and replaces it, or such time that people start actively making fun of me for my evangelism (see: Ecco shoes). So,
- [Hope and Change hiccup](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/05/hope-and-change-hiccup/) - I like me some Kool-Aid. I like it better when it's mixed with things that make me even more happy. You mix Hope with Change and I'll pound them like an Irish Car Bomb on a rainy Saturday night. There comes a time, however, when you have to wake up, evaluate the bruises and see
- [Unmoved](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/04/unmoved/) - My first movie memory comes at age six and half. It was the summer of 1980 and I was in the backseat of my dad's black mid-70s Monte Carlo. I don't know if the drive-ins were cheaper that theaters or simply my parents' favorite method of movie watching. All I know is that it was
- [Mastodon Weekend: Devoted to devolution](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/02/mastodon-weekend-devoted-to-devolution/) - It was a cold rain by the time I fell asleep Saturday night. By Sunday afternoon, half-dollar sized flakes were dropping from the sky with nothing resembling grace. It was a wet, sloppy snow with green lightning behind it and thunder as its exclamation point. The lights flickered, the satellite TV took a nap, and
- [Recovery](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/03/02/recovery/) - I just spent an amazing weekend with some amazing friends. I may get around to writing about it at some point. Right now, I have a lot of stuff to catch up on. In the meantime, here's my wife and kid's work from last night unseasonal South Carolina snowfall.
- [Devolving](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/24/devolving/) - It all started when a friend named Al needed to get out of Philly for a while. His life had taken a few turns and he was planning to go to the Keys and get his head together. As it happened, G-Vegas sits along the road to redemption. He said he'd be stopping in for
- [Wake up](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/22/wake-up/) - So, I've been working on the house this weekend. After many months on the road and a couple weeks of reconnecting with the family, I finally got around to doing a bunch of stuff I've been putting off. I've been doing a lot of heavy lifting, power tool using, and installation. When I finally got
- [Friday Mental Massage: The hits keep on coming edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/20/friday-mental-massage-the-hits-keep-on-coming-edition/) - We haven't done a Friday Mental Massage in some time, so let's pound one out--primarily because I'm in desperate need of a real massage. I tweaked something in my neck/back six days ago. On a couple of days, I could barely move. Now, it's a minor annoyance that is worse when I wake up in
- [Much ado about a monkey](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/19/much-ado-about-a-monkey/) - Sean Delonas should be embarrassed. The New York Post editorial cartoonist has become a target of people like Rev. Al Sharpton and CNN's Roland Martin for the cartoon you see below. Delonas and the Post have been declared at best racist and at worst guilty of inciting violence against the President of the United States,
- [At ease, soldier](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/18/at-ease-soldier/) - I had a number of things I wanted to write about today, but nothing seems more important than this. My buddy Daly is now officially at ease. That's him today with his discharge papers. He was my age when he joined the Army Reserves. That was a few months before 9/11. Now, with a little
- [Don't buy it. Make it. Part 2](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/17/dont-buy-it-make-it-part-2/) - Busy, busy over here, so here's just a quick follow-up to a post from last week. After posting about the food you should make at home rather than buying it at a store, my wife and a friend reminded me of a couple I forgot to put on the list. Hummus--While the process of finding
- [When you gonna put the paint on my belly?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/16/when-you-gonna-put-the-paint-on-my-belly/) - Katie looked at me and pulled out her tools. I looked back and remembered I hadn't worn my wedding ring. I felt guilty as the blond, taut woman put her hand on my arm and told me what she was about to do. This stood to be one of the most intimate moments I'd had
- [She showed me her no-penis](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/11/she-showed-me-her-no-penis/) - If you had asked me what I hoped to be doing the first time my son announced he had seen a hoo-haw, I would've said "cooking bacon." Men are men around bacon. I knew there would be a time at which my boy would want to talk about girl-parts and I could only hope a
- [Don't buy it. Make it.](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/11/dont-buy-it-make-it/) - A few of Christmas Eve's past, I was at my folks' house in Missouri. Mom and the aunts had prepared a giant spread for the appropriately giant family. My mom had spent the day involved in a series of food projects that would make most people fall over. One of them was a pretty serious
- [LazyWeb thanks and yet another question](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/10/lazyweb-thanks-and-yet-another-question/) - Despite not being officially on the road this week, I am road-busy. I have two or three irons in the fire. Add that to my normal workload and a quick trip at week's end, and I've got a lot going on. I'm booking hotels and planning a working road trip to the South Carolina coast.
- [Death of the Arcade](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/12/death-of-the-arcade/) - My buddy T is one hell of a photographer. I think I've said that before.A few weeks ago, T invited me to join him at a video game auction a couple of minutes from my house. I didn't make it, but he did. That's the thing about T. When he wants to do something, no
- [Prosecutors set to unveil evidence in Devon Epps case](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/21/prosecutors-set-to-unveil-evidence-in-devon-epps-case/) - "Amanda Smith is responsible for the death of her son."With those words, Sheriff Steve Loftis prepared the community for what is sure to be an exceptionally long and drawn-out legal battle. The process begins this week.Wednesday, Solicitor Bob Ariail and his team of prosecutors will go before Greenville County's top magistrate, Diane Cagle, and lay
- [You don't work there anymore](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/09/you-dont-work-there-anymorre/) - About twice a month, I look across at my wife as she sits on the computer steaming about one thing or another related to the local television news industry. "You don't work there anymore," I say, patiently, but firmly enough to help her realize that, despite her 15 years in the business, it's not her
- [Lone survivor](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/17/lone-survivor/) - Today was a hike on nearby Paris Mountain. I alternated between leading the charge and lagging behind to look a little closer of the texture of the outdoors. One thing that held my interest for a little longer than normal was a dead tree covered in gray and brittle pine cones. Among the cones, one
- [Jesus made me do it](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/28/jesus-made-me-do-it/) - Here on Mt. Otis, we are some of the worst excuse makers around. Ask my kid why he did something bad, and he'll respond, "Because I did." Ask the wife why she's acting like a young Linda Blair, she says, "Because I need to eat." Ask me why I roll in so late at night,
- [Owen Wilson married, and I'm the only pap](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/31/owen-wilson-married-and-im-the-only-pap/) - This afternoon, my wife and I took the boy on an afternoon drive through the mountains. Along the way, we happened by the place where we got married eight years ago next week. The sign leading to the chapel looked like this. I realized immediately that I had stumbled onto a gold mine -- Owen
- [Living in not-so-High Cotton](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/04/living-in-not-so-high-cotton/) - Special to local readers who will acctually give a damn I usually listen to people I respect, especially when it comes to food. This time I didn't. Because I'm an idiot. My wife and I celebrated our eighth annivesary last night. Just a few weeks ago, we'd gone to Rick Erwin's and had a great
- [Honey, Google stopped by](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/11/honey-google-stopped-by/) - So, yesterday, I spent a couple of hours tooling around with the Windows Live Writer program and its map function. This morning, I woke up to read Random Connections and discovered my little burg has been visited by the Google Street view folks. In fact, Google apparently stopped by my cul-de-sac sometime last winter. On
- [Finding the bridge](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/15/finding-the-bridge/) - I woke to my boy’s face smiling proudly. He held a box as big as his head. Inside was a new, fancy Garmin GPS system. Breakfast was ready and the only thing standing between the family and the road. An hour later, we were in the hills and in search of the only covered bridge
- [Wherein I squeal like a pig](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/20/wherein-i-squeal-like-a-pig/) - Along Highway 76, better known as Longcreek Highway, there sits a bridge that goes nowhere. It’s covered in kudzu and branches out from the main asphalt in such a way that even a first-time traveler can tell it used to go somewhere. Now, if you were to guide your car in that direction, you would
- [The G-woman did it](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/29/the-g-woman-did-it/) - I know that there were several of you who were interested in the case of the vacationing FBI agent who was robbed by a couple of out-of-state thugs. Well, there is finally something that some folks will call resolution. The Greenville News stayed on top of this story to report what really happened. As we
- [Jerry Buck Inman guilty](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/19/jerry-buck-inman-guilty/) - A little more than two years ago, this community became the focus of sensational media coverage centered around a Clemson University student who had reportedly been strangled to death with her own bikini. If you are a frequent reader here, you'll remember I can became a little more than conventionally obsessed with the murder of
- [Yonder firsts](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/02/yonder-firsts/) - It's 1:36am. I just saw Yonder Mountain String Band play for the first time. That was not the only first of the night. Forgive me if I take a few minutes to list some others. First time I've ever seen a lot scene at the Handlebar and someone selling glass in the parking lot First
- [Dale Fetner](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/20/dale-fetner/) - The air got cold a few days ago. It felt like the beginning of winter. It felt like impending holidays. It felt like the times I'd have to scrounge for my gloves to go out on yet another live shot. It all reminded me of Dale Fetner. I never met the big guy. In fact,
- [Deconstructing the deconstructed](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/18/deconstructing-the-deconstructed/) - I've recently been in communication with someone who knows somebody I used to know. Yeah, that's vague, but I don't see any reason to further beat somebody while he's down, so there's no reason to go calling names again. This was an e-mail today that I think you could plug many political names into and
- [911 calls and the media](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/19/911-calls-and-the-media/) - Updated to include comments from WSPA news director Charity Worley told her family she was going outside to warm up her car. It was 6:30 in the morning in the North Carolina mountains around Flat Rock. The 28-year-old woman went outside and didn't come back in. Worley was dead on the ground, the apparent victim
- [The voice behind the Charity Worley 911 call](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/12/the-voice-behind-the-charity-worley-911-call/) - Linda Casey is in agony. She's been that way for nearly a month and she can't bear to listen to her own pain. She's tried so many times, but has made it all the way through only once. The fact that everyone in a tri-state area has heard her cries only makes it worse. Linda
- [Blotter](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/14/blotter/) - This is a busy month for me and I don't have quite as much time for free writing as usual. Here are a couple of things that bear a quick mention. Fiance shot? Pick him or the job--A few weeks back here in Greenville, we had a story in which a guy spotted a bank
- [Adventures in customer service (Part 1)](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/28/adventures-in-customer-service-part-1/) - I like to produce as much as I like to consume. I think it has something to do with my heretofore unstated need for validation and affection. My insurance doesn't pay for therapy, so advice in that direction will go unheeded. While making strides to be a constant producer, my consumption level has been waxing
- [When Tony comes to town: Greenville, SC](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/02/when-tony-comes-to-town-greenville-sc/) - 'Deep dish is pizza like Olive Garden is Italian' -Anthony Bourdain on Chicago pie I don't think I've made any secret about my admiration for Anthony Bourdain. His ability to mix snark with cerebral endears me to his writing both in print and on television. He does what I'd like to do, he does it
- [Working from home not working](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/04/working-from-home-not-working/) - "I don't know how you do it." That's what most people say when I tell them I work from home. Their eyes get even wider when they see the size of my house. It's not tiny, but it's not big either. For the longest time, it wasn't much of a big deal. In January 2005,
- [Spread this](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/04/spread-this/) - Yesterday, somebody I know told me, "One of my friends just sent me an e-mail saying the Greenville Police are now writing tickets, even if you are going less than 5 miles per hour over the speed limit!" I called "hoax" almost immediately. And it was, but one that had spread so quickly that two
- [Groundhog Day redux](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/02/02/groundhog-day-redux/) - So, yesterday I said I planned to spend today writing about the days in my life that I wouldn't mind living over and over again. I still may do that soon. I've been characteristically nostalgic recently and wouldn't mind penning a few more paeans to days gone by. For the moment though, I'm happy to
- [Adventures in customer service (Part 3) — American Express](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/30/adventures-in-customer-service-part-3-—-american-express/) - Part 1 and Part 2 What are you wearing, American boy? I knew he wasn't in America. His training in Midwestern Accent was good, but not good enough to fool a guy from the Ozarks. I told him what I wanted. He said he could give it to me. In the meantime, he wanted to
- [Adventures in customer service (Part 2) -- Delta Airlines](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/29/adventures-in-customer-service-part-2-delta-airlines/) - If you missed it, here's Part 1 Do not pass Go, do not collect $200 If you had sat through Lakeview Terrance on a 10-hour flight, you would've probably been a little absentminded, too. I lost four IQ points during the movie alone. I sat in my middle row aisle seat thinking about the best
- [Monkey Chef Otis](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/27/monkey-chef-otis/) - When I'm on the road, cooking is among the top five things I miss. I'm no chef, nor do I want to be. I'm also not the best cook in the world, but I enjoy it and I have enough ability and home training to impress the common palate. I'm now home for six weeks,
- [Otis miscellany ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/26/otis-miscellany/) - As most of you know, I'm not a meme guy. As most of you also know, I like talking about myself. So, a meme that asks me to talk about myself invites an embarrassing paradox. In truth, I'm suffering from what I hope is a brief bout of insomnia. I think the time change from
- [From chilly to Chile](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/18/from-chilly-to-chile/) - (Greenville-Spartanburg International Airport)--There will come a time, I'm sure, when someone will ask, "So where were you when Barack Obama was elected President of the United States?" I will answer, "San Jose, Costa Rica." That question may well be followed up with, "So, then, where were you when he was inaugurated?" Then answer will be,
- [The Best of BoCoMo live music 2008](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/15/the-best-of-bocomo-live-music-2008/) - Somewhere in the neighborhood of 17 years ago, I met a guy named Aaron. He was one of--if not the very first--person I spoke to on the University of Missouri college campus. He was not only responsible for helping me move into my dorm room. More importantly, he was the guy who introduced me to
- [Bahamian rhapsody](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/12/bahamian-rhapsody/) - (Nassau, Bahamas)--My cab driver from Paradise Island drove a coffee can with wheels and a squeaky horn. He careened around the corners in the Bahamian slums and drove like I was late for the airport. In fact, I was early and trying to eat some breakfast. I bought a breakfast sandwich at Jamba Juice, and
- [Double dipping, as explained by Joe Henfield](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/04/double-dipping-as-explained-by-joe-henfield/) - (Paradise Island, Bahamas) -- You have to imagine the thick Bahamian accent and a guy who looks a little like Jim Brown. That's Joe Henfield, a private limo driver in Nassau. He doesn't have a boss. He's made friends with the cab handlers at the airport. He will explain--if you ask--how he can charge a
- [Plugged in](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2009/01/02/plugged-in/) - I've been home since Tuesday. My bags are not unpacked. This and the fact my wife did the laundry before we left for home makes packing for my flight tomorrow a lot easier. It's made it so easy that I haven't started yet, unless you count putting the suitcase on the floor in front of
- [Rapid Eye Reality's 2008 superlatives](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/28/rapid-eye-realitys-2008-superlatives/) - Let's just get this out of the way. I wasted 2008. Among my other thirty-something (and forty-something friends), talk of "how fast the year went" has recently become a frequent topic of discussion. For me, it flew by in the worst possible way. I did very little of value. I had some fun, but not
- [A father’s love](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/22/a-fathers-love/) - What kind of father am I? With just a couple of days before I leave for a three-weak run in Vegas, I should be teaching my son how to build a house, or at the very least, fire a shotgun. These are useful skills that, in the event of my unfortunate demise in Sin City,
- [Punked](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/26/punked/) - (Greenville-Spartanburg International Airport -- Ten minutes ago) I couldn't tell if the family in front of us was Amish, Mennonite, or some funk southern combination of the two. The wife was dressed in traditional garb, but the husband had dolled himself up in the blue jeans, button-up, and windbreaker worn by most unfashionable middle aged
- [Advice from the most honest one in the room](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/24/advice-from-the-most-honest-one-in-the-room/) - Norman Rockwell was an idealist, or he lived in a time before hyper-consumerism and ease of travel made the holidays one giant reason to drink. Sweating, honking, cursing people fill the streets and malls (and that's just my wife). Family stress reaches an all-time high. People spend more money than they are supposed to. It's
- [Now with an ascot!](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/21/now-with-an-ascot/) - Saturday night, I grabbed my iPod and set about chopping up onions and jalapenos while listening to a friend tell me stories. He told me one take about an evil Eastern European woman who eviscerated him in front of everybody he knew. He went on to explain how a person dressed up in an animal
- [Getting sharp](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/20/getting-sharp/) - I have the old man and Ikea to thank for getting my mise right back en place. The old man sits in the back of a family hardware store on Augusta. He comes in every six weeks and with liverspotted hands carefully hones the suburban blade runner's steel knives. I literally marked my calendar with
- [The 500 Club](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/14/the-500-club/) - Admittedly, we'd had a couple of cocktails. After a gathering of friends for a neighborhood Christmas parade last night, G-Rob, T and I went out for a bite of sushi and a few drinks. By the time we cloistered ourselves away in the back of a downtown Irish pub, we were talking music. G-Rob, as
- [The 500 Club Redux](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/17/the-500-club-redux/) - Quite a few of you submitted your choices for your own personal 500 Club, so I guess it's only fair that I pass on the original list. You can click on the link to see the full rules, but essentially, the 500 Club is an artist or band you would pay $500 at a moment's
- [Early warning system](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/16/early-warning-system/) - My kid cannot keep a secret. I don't think he even tries. Despite being an exceptionally intelligent child, I'm not sure he grasps the idea of confidence. To him, secrecy means you tell somebody everything you know, but do so in a whisper. With that in mind, if something is happening--secret or not--there is a
- [Pardon our mess](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/13/pardon-our-mess/) - Last summer, the family and I drove up the mountain to Caesars Head. It's little more than an outcropping of rock in Blue Ridge Mountains that looks vaguely like a face, but it's a pretty well-known landmark around here and a decent place to go for a day hike. Off in the trees, I spotted
- [An introduction to Rapid Eye Reality](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/11/an-introduction-to-rapid-eye-reality/) - Rapid Eye Reality is the personal blog of Brad Willis, a semi-pro blogger and freelance writer who is sometimes known as "Otis." Any questions not answered below can be e-mailed to editor@pokerpapers.com.Who is this Otis character?Between 1999 and 2004, I was a reporter for the then #1 television station in Upstate South Carolina. I served
- [Tiffany Souers and College Murders](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2006/05/31/tiffany-souers-and-college-murders/) - Don't ask me what it is, but I tend to get a little unglued when college students get killed. Something about it makes me think of all my college friends, the girls I lived with, how it could've been any of them, etc. During my many years here as a journalist in the Clemson University
- [Tiffany Souers Suspect](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2006/06/04/tiffany-souers-suspect/) - As a one-time and longtime crime journalist, I honestly thought I had put away the days of thinking constantly about a killer. After many, many years of thinking about and talking to murderers, I was sure I could live the rest of my life without becoming obsessed with the capture and conviction of a murderer.I
- [Tiffany Souers:  Suspect still at large](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2006/06/05/tiffany-souers-suspect-still-at-large/) - For regular readers expecting my regular tales here, I must apologize. See, based on the number of e-mails I have received in the past few days, the interest in the Tiffany Souers murder investigation goes far beyond the Blue Ridge Mountain range. Like me, many people find themselves working scenarios in their heads. I suspect,
- [Tiffany Souers: The Passion Cross](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2006/06/06/tiffany-souers-the-passion-cross/) - Today looks to be what I often thought of as a "down day" in crime coverage. Ever-mysterious and acting somewhat the tease, 13th Circuit Solicitor Bob Ariail has announced he will release "significant information" on Wednesday. This will leave us with a couple kinds of news coverage today. The first will be the efforts of
- [Tiffany Souers: Manhunt for Jerry Buck Inman](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2006/06/06/tiffany-souers-manhunt-for-jerry-buck-inman/) - CAPTURED CAPTURED CAPTURED CAPTURED CAPTURED CAPTUREDJerry Buck InmanDOB: December 19, 1970Hair: Brown (bald)Height: 5' 10"Weight: 159 lbs.Profession: Construction workerPossible vehicles: Red 1990 Chevy S-10 Blazer with silver trim with Tennessee license tag 158 DCX -- Green 1997 Chevy Camaro with Tennessee tag SRD 739 -- Maroon Ford EcoLine van registered to Kenneth McArthurWanted for the
- [Tiffany Souers: Lessons Learned](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2006/06/08/tiffany-souers-lessons-learned/) - By now, Jerry Buck Inman has had his first meal in the Pickens County Jail. He sits in a cell the size of a clothes closet. Magnetic strips on the outside of his jail cell door read "ESC" and "ASLT." Like anyone who knows anything about Inman, the folks in Pickens county know the short,
- [Brooke Holsonback: Ten Years Ago Today](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/02/19/brooke-holsonback-ten-years-ago-today/) - I was in a hurry. I'd left the family in the car while I ran in to the store to get zinc cough drops, a collection of medicines, some herbal tea, and some other sundries. As I stood in the check-out line, I noticed the guy behind me had a newspaper. On the front page
- [Devon Epps: Scene of the Crime?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/08/29/devon-epps-scene-of-the-crime/) - This lonely place is so close to the interstate, it's not even an afterthought of a county planner's pen. It's like that space in your yard you forgot to landscape, shaded and covered in leaves, grassless, and out of the way of your attention. No one ever looks at it and no one would go
- [Friday Mental Massage: The big purge](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/12/friday-mental-massage-the-big-purge/) - After three days of near-constant downpours, the sun has come out over G-Vegas. The sky is blue, the air is cool, and it feels exactly as a South Carolina December should. As you might have noticed, I took a few days away from blogging in an effort to remain as positive as possible during the
- [Where's my passport?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/06/wheres-my-passport/) - (Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico)-- Several years ago, I established the 80-20 rule in regard to what I write publicly about the behind-the-scenes parts of my work. Eighty percent never gets written. Twenty percent is written with a very careful pen. What's happened here in the past 15 hours falls under the 80% rule for now (and
- [Road head](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/03/road-head/) - His hair was cut in a 1985 five-inch spike and not in a cool way. He was watching a show about a serial killer on the Discovery Channel. I don't remember his name and that probably says a lot about the situation in itself. His straight razor made a disturbing zing sound as it crossed
- [Secret handshake](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/02/secret-handshake/) - Last night, I met a guy who slings hemp bracelets. That's not drug code or anything (the drug dealer was a different guy a few seats down the bar). The bracelet guy actually makes hemp bracelets and carries them around on his backpack. When we were introduced, he put out his hand for a shake
- [Riding bitch in a Honda Karma](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/12/01/riding-bitch-in-a-honda-karma/) - "You're inviting some bad karma," my wife said before she shut up. That I had already picked up a speeding ticket and sat in stop-and-go traffic for a few hours didn't seem to factor into her calculations about my karma. Seemed to me like I'd already run afoul of the karma-harpy. Driving home from Florida
- [Winning dirty](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/29/winning-dirty/) - (Florida) -- The boy was supposed to be napping. He was a sweaty, tired mess. The morning began with meeting a beach Santa in a torrential downpour. When the skies cleared, he led us to the beach for football and sandcastle-building. By the time he had a burger in his gullet, it should've been straight
- [Oblivious](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/28/oblivious/) - (Florida) -- We found a joint with some character today and went for some po' boys. The place was packed and played the Beatles. I dug it, including the part where the menu was displayed on a giant board to the entire table at once. The only problem? It was packed and the boy is
- [XM-Sirius merger outlaws alt-country](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/25/xm-sirius-merger-outlaws-alt-country/) - I was a kid when Springfield, Missouri's Rock 99 changed its format to adult contemporary. I sat in my younger brother's room and looked at what we called a jam box. Even then, at an age when everything is a surprise (and hence, nothing is), I remember sitting on the carpet and thinking, "This can't
- [Russ Brown, a lucky path to cross](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/22/russ-brown-a-lucky-path-to-cross/) - Several years ago (and that several is getting to be more than I'd like) I ran into a guy named Russ Brown. We were both part of a blogging and poker scene. I came to find we both like the same genre of music. What I didn't figure out on our first meeting was that
- [Collateral](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/18/collateral/) - I'm simply too tired today to write anything that makes sense, so I thought I'd offer something that didn't make too much sense to me at the time. Last week when I was working in Vegas, I went bowling with some good friends to celebrate the end of the World Series. When I got to
- [DIY](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/17/diy/) - Last summer, I got it in my head that it might be time to stop identifying myself publicly with as narrow a scope as I had been. While my life and writing has revolved heavily around one particular niche, it's not my life's ambition to write about poker for the rest of my years. I'm
- [Fun with photos](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/15/fun-with-photos/) - The kid's stamina for Daddy Day ran out somewhere in between Monkey Joe's and the pet store. So, with some time to kill while he's napping, I found a nifty little site via lifehacker that lets me do stupid things with photos. Click for full versions From left to right Row 1: Me at night,
- [A friend's work](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/08/a-friends-work/) - I know my friend T is a friend when he manages to do something cool for me like what you see below. If he would just cut it out with the viral videos from years gone by, we could call it a day. Thanks, T, for this. Now, get rid of the other silliness. In
- [Friday Mental Massage: Foul Mood Friday](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/14/friday-mental-massage-foul-mood-friday/) - It all started yesterday when a friend told me he was in a bad mood. Funny, I thought, I'm in a pretty good mood. From that second forward I have been in a downward spiral of bitchiness that is rivaled only by a few other irrational things (the exceptionally inebriated or mentally imbalanced being a
- [My exotic life](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/13/my-exotic-life/) - (G-Vegas, SC)--Back home and barely rested after several days in Las Vegas. You went to Las Vegas? How exciting? Did you see Wayne Newton? Did Elton sing "Tiny Dancer?" Was Paris a slut? I was there for five days. I saw three casinos and went bowling. I also worked. With poker players? They're so rich
- [Things I've seen](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/11/things-ive-seen/) - (Las Vegas, NV)--It's 9:15pm. I start work at 10pm. I could be finished at 11pm or 11am. It all depends on whether a scary Russian and maniacal Dane decide to gamble for $4 million or play a 12-hour game of poker chess. I know that a lot of people that play poker on an online
- [And to Vegas](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/08/and-to-vegas/) - (G-Vegas Airport)--The gate agents always look at you with a smile when they see you're going to Las Vegas. I don't bother telling them it's for work. It only leads to the old, "Well, at least you get to work in a fun place" thing that is hard to deny. However, it's a lot like
- [Going home to a foreign country](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/06/going-home-to-a-foreign-country/) - (San Jose, Costa Rica)--The Obama victory celebration in San Jose, Costa Rica was small but dedicated. It started with my partners Dave and Joe convincing the bartender to turn the televisions to CNN. It ended much later. I shouldn't have been surprised how many people believed as I did that what happened Tuesday night was
- [Man without an Election Day](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/04/man-without-an-election-day/) - (San Jose, Costa Rica)--It's late in Costa Rica. I'm here to work. I am among a ragtag group of local Ticos, traveling poker players, and lost gringos who gave up on America a long time ago. After the 15-hour workday, I collapsed in the only place I know here. It's a hotel bar where a
- [Timeless in Costa Rica](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/02/timeless-in-costa-rica/) - (San Jose, Costa Rica)--The great myth about the business traveler is that he spends a romantic life on the road, sucking the marrow from mythical streets of exotic cities, and running amok in cities most people will never see. When one travels as I do to places like Monte Carlo, the Bahamas, and Costa Rica,
- [Passport to Oddville](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/11/01/passport-to-oddville/) - (G-Vegas airport, 8am)--Leaving is never easy. I needed small bills and raided the boy's piggy bank for two five spots. I left a Hamilton in their place and then felt guilty enough I gave the boy an additional ten bucks as payment for keeping an eye on his mom, the dog, and the house. He
- [The spot in my yard](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/31/the-spot-in-my-yard/) - This story is true. There is a place in my yard where the grass won't grow. We moved to this foothill of a foothill eight years ago. We live on the downward slope of a rise they call a mountain. It sits in shadow of the highest point in this part of the county. If
- [Dos redux](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/30/dos-redux/) - A popping pile of fried pork, beef, steak, a shrimp sat on a sizzle plate in front of me. The bowl of half-eaten guacamole had filled me up before dinner arrived. The boy squirmed at my hip. The server had just brought him a plate covered in french fries cut to look like smiley faces.
- [Dos](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/29/dos/)
- [Coming home](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/28/coming-home/) - I've been on the road for ten days or so. I just got home and unpacked the car when I realized I'm leaving again in five days for what is essentially two weeks on the road. I started to bitch and moan and complain about my back hurting from 36 hours in the driver's seat.
- [Fugitive](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/27/fugitive/) - I play this game sometimes. It's a product of every bad suspense thriller I've ever seen. I'm on the run, shoving clothes in a bag, and jumping into my car with a two-day scruff and whatever I can pick up in ten minutes. I've been able to play the game several times in the past
- [Bachelor weekend in review](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/13/bachelor-weekend-in-review/) - I think 1997 was the last time I lived by myself. I remember sitting around in my underwear, doing a lot of literal navel-gazing, and eating take-out food. Not much has changed. This weekend, I watched seven or eight movies, spent an inordinate amount of time in my underwear, and only ventured out into the
- [Quality is job one](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/23/quality-is-job-one/) - I've spent the past week in the valleys of two small mountain ranges. The oaks and maples were just beginning to turn when I saw my camping friends in the Blue Ridge mountains. I've spent this week in the Ozarks and am on my way up to Columbia, Missouri to see some even older friends.
- [When the tracers are real](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/20/when-the-tracers-are-real/) - I was going 85 miles per hour on I-40 West when I saw it. I was tired. It had been a four-day weekend that saw me up until nearly 4am on every night. I'd slept in a tent three of those nights and woke early on each of the mornings. The days were spent playing
- [Real estate](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/15/real-estate/) - In 1889, they stood on the Texas and Arkansas borders and looked across into Oklahoma. Some men had horses. Some men had guns. All of them had their eyes on land. Well nowadays this land is full of modern real estate that you're able to find on realtor sites such as Door and many others.
- [Friday Mental Massage: Bachelor edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/10/friday-mental-massage-bachelor-edition/) - Well, here we are. I've been living the bachelor life for less than 24 hours and already: I'm sitting around in my underwear There is a plate with pizza crust on it in the bathroom I've played 6 hours of online poker There is dirty laundry hanging from at least three places it shouldn't be
- [Sick bachelor](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/09/sick-bachelor/) - I honestly don't remember the last time my wife and kid left me to my own devices for more than a few hours. Now I have a few days by myself. I frankly don't even know what to do with the time, especially since I have contracted a nasty little head/chest cold. Here are a
- [Otis and Google sitting in a tree](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/07/otis-and-google-sitting-in-a-tree/) - I think one of the funniest things about certain subsets of rap and hip hop is watching rappers rap about how good they can rap. The Beasties, for instance, got more rhymes than Jamaica got mangoes. I love finding instances of rappers rapping about their ability to rap. Since I got nuked by Google back
- [Reading between the lines of Devon Epps’ death](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/08/15/reading-between-the-lines-of-devon-epps-death/) - It's late, or at least late enough for a seven-year-old boy to be in bed. You've got a pillow in the car, so maybe you're on the road somewhere. Regardless, it's late and you're on a dark road near a major interstate. You love your son and you know you should be getting him in
- [Friday Mental Massage: From Bacon to iPods](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/08/17/friday-mental-massage-from-bacon-to-ipods/) - For the first time in a long time, today actually feels like a Friday. I don't feel like doing anything that resembles work. I will, of course, but I don't think I'm going to work too hard. In fact, I don't think I'm going to work too hard here, either. So, here's a quick week
- [Devon Epps, Amanda Smith and the difficulties of reporting crime news](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/08/22/devon-epps-amanda-smith-and-the-difficulties-of-reporting-crime-news/) - The pillow. The cops are testing the pillow.The Greenville News' Paul Alongi greeted readers this morning with news that the Greenville County Sheriffs Office is testing the pillow that Amanda Smith says a carjacker used to smother her son Devon Epps. At first blush, especially for the hundreds--if not thousands--of people who are spending their
- [RER Devon Epps coverage makes it to print](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/08/30/rer-devon-epps-coverage-makes-it-to-print/) - I awoke this morning to find that the local alternative weekly, The Beat, has decided to reprise some of the Devon Epps coverage from the ethereal pages of this blog. The editor of the paper and I actually go back many years and have covered many of the same stories. I get the sense he's
- [Devon Epps: Waiting](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/09/05/devon-epps-waiting/) - "Taking a different way?" my wife asked as I slipped onto a different back road and drove through an old residential area.We'd been out for ice cream. On the way home, I pulled over the railroad tracks and past an area where victim Francisco Velazquez had been found dead a few weeks before. It was
- [Devon Epps: Picture the face behind the name](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/09/07/devon-epps-picture-the-face-behind-the-name/) - While I've never put this little corner of the Internet out as a crime blog, news source, or vigilante-inspiring screed, I do have a background in comprehensiveness...sometimes to a fault.It occurred to me, though, that one thing has been missing in my ruminations (some would say unhealthy interest) on the death of Devon Epps. While
- [Wednesday Mental Massage?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/09/12/wednesday-mental-massage/) - I know, I know. The Mental Massage is supposed to happen on Fridays. I mean, who goes for a mental rubdown on Wednesday? Well, as I mentioned before, this week and the next few are going to be a little odd and more than a little busy for me. At the time I should be
- [Devon Epps: The Missing Memorial Page](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/09/19/devon-epps-the-missing-memorial-page/) - I've been out of town for a week. Upon my arrival back in Greenville, I discovered that I haven't missed much in the on-going investigation into the death of Devon Epps. The Greenville News has run a couple of stories, but they're basically saying what we already know.I've been getting a lot of e-mails from
- [On being Devon Epps’ mom](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/09/22/on-being-devon-epps-mom/) - The last time Amanda Smith had a birthday party, it was an affair celebrated with three close close friends and a trash can full of booze and fruit. The girls all dressed up, posed for pictures, and acted like silly young women as they drank their "PJ" and celebrated the anniversary of their births. The
- [Devon Epps Case Breaks](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/11/05/devon-epps-case-breaks/) - Word is just now coming out of a break in the Devon Epps case. A live press conference is slated for 4pm. Somehow, I think I know what's coming. Blogger is having some publishing problems. Not even sure this will get out.3:52pm--Word just in. Amanda Smith, Devon Epps mother, has been arrested. News conference coming
- [Amanda Smith arrested in death of son, Devon Epps](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/11/05/amanda-smith-arrested-in-death-of-son-devon-epps/) - By now, most people who care about the case know what Smith told investigators. She said she'd been sitting at the intersection when a man forced her out of the car, jumped in, and smothered her son with a pillow. Smith told investigators they should be looking for a man in his late 30s or
- [The face of Amanda Smith](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/11/07/the-face-of-amanda-smith/) - Among the greatest topics of speculation since August 12 is how Amanda Smith has spent her time. In the run-up to the arrest, I held back information I had been given for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to how it might affect the investigators' efforts. Now that Smith awaits a bond hearing
- [Best of Rapid Eye Reality 2007](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/29/best-of-rapid-eye-reality-2007/) - I struggled with whether to do a retrospective, a best-of, or a "State of the Otis" post to end the year. Because I've already written a 2500-word retrospective for another site and I'm feeling lazy, I won't be doing that here. Because I rarely have any idea of my current state (least of all now).
- [Hypocrisy on the rocks](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/06/hypocrisy-on-the-rocks/) - Note: Not that I feel the real need to bring this up, but just in case, this post is not for your kids' eyes So, Ice Cube apparently was apparently so moved by the recent murder of a high school football star that he's using the victim's family in a video for his song "Why
- [Birthday parties are un-American](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/05/birthday-parties-are-un-american/) - I am convinced birthday parties for children are part of a Chinese conspiracy. I spent two hours yesterday inside a giant warehouse filled with inflatable jumping platforms and slides. It was a bit like that place, HTTPS://WWW.FUNTOPIAWORLD.COM/GLENVIEW/, but less organised. Dozens of phlegmy, snotty, sweating kids ran sock-footed around me. They reminded me of wingless
- [Paying Mr. Time Machine](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/10/02/paying-mr-time-machine/) - How much would you pay? That was the question. During a fairly long set break at the Yonder Mountain String Band show last night, I was chatting with two dear friends. They're married with two kids and living a pretty nice and happy life. Pre-kids, they were a bit rowdy and had tons of fun.
- [...and here's where it gets confusing](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/30/and-heres-where-it-gets-confusing/) - If America weren't confused enough about the state of the economy, it now is completely lost. The cognitive dissonance is so thick, Michael Phelps is thinking about training in it for 2012. Let's do a quick rundown of what your average American is hearing right now (with your humble host playing the role of Joe
- [Post Bail-out Vote Shopping list](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/29/post-bail-out-vote-shopping-list/) - I'm not much of a reactionary, but after spending the day in close consultation with people much smarter than me, I've built the following shopping list. Bottle water Canned tuna 20 pounds rice 50 pounds legumes (various) New deadbolts Solar panels for roof Handgun That should get us to April or so when we can
- [Fade](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/25/fade/) - Now seems like as good a time as any to call it a wireless weekend. Yep, that should do it.
- [Then and now with our fearless enabler](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/24/then-and-now-with-our-fearless-enabler/) - THE PRESIDENT THEN "At this moment, America's highest economic need is higher ethical standards--standards enforced by strict laws and upheld by responsible business leaders." --George W. Bush, July 9, 2002 "We are making broad and dramatic progress against corporate fraud in America. We're defending our free enterprise system against corruption and crime. And we're beginning
- [Igor's bumper sticker](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/24/igors-bumper-sticker/) - Around these parts, an Obama bumper sticker will get you a funny look and your car keyed. I saw one today when I picked up my kid from his 4K program. It's like seeing a nun in a whorehouse (or maybe vice versa, although I think the latter is far more likely). After three weeks
- [And I'm the degenerate gambler?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/23/and-im-the-degenerate-gambler/) - So, if we listen to the talking heads, we apparently have two choices (and you smart people feel free to correct me if I'm wrong here)... 1) We don't bail out the gamblers and the economy collapses. Apparently, this is supposed to happen when things get so bad that businesses can't get short-term loans to
- [Friday Mental Massage: Clown edition](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/19/friday-mental-massage-clown-edition/) - (Running around with arms flailing in the air) I'm a freak! I'm a freak! I'm your clown! Laugh, monkey, laugh! Exclamation point! That was my last post on my Twitter account. It drew several public and personal responses, the most pointed of which suggested "somebody took the brown acid..." No acid here. Not even enough
- [Dust storm perspective](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/16/dust-storm-perspective/) - Every time I start whining about how much I have to work or how dissatisfied I am with what I'm doing, I think about my buddy Daly. Here's a picture he posted today of himself in an Iraqi dust storm.
- [Friday Mental Massage: 1,000](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/12/friday-mental-massage-1000/) - When I posted Hope, still yesterday, I did so in a hurry. As mentioned several times here, I'm one week into a grueling work project that has required two 24-hour shifts and several other 14-16 hour sits at the computer. It's a silly amount of work and, to the subset of people who care about
- [Hope, still](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/11/hope-still/) - If you are not a long-time reader, you might not know I've been posting this picture nearly every year. For some reason, it still looks like hope to me.
- [Leo](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/04/leo/) - Twenty-four hours from now, I'll be jumping into nearly three weeks of non-stop work. I doubt I'll get much done otherwise. Yesterday, with no real stories to tell and an hour to kill between projects, I slammed out this short piece of fiction. I showed it to a friend who told me he liked it
- [Battered Blogger Syndrome](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/09/02/battered-blogger-syndrome/) - Google loves me. I know it does. I can see it in its eyes as it completely ignores me. At times, I am browsing the internet and/or looking for new things to buy. Sometimes the adverts are targeted to what I like, but other times, they are completely irrelevant. A friend of mine have the
- [Not-so-breaking news](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/27/not-so-breaking-news/) - Since a lot of you have been asking. I'm not moving to Canada. I'm not moving anywhere right now. I'm not going to write about why...right now. And, yeah, I'm fine with it. Just thought some of you might wanna know. But that's not to say that it won't happen at some point further down
- [Tom Corvin's "Dear Dick"](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/26/tom-corvins-dear-dick/) - I spent way too much time in the TV business, saw too much, and left in 2005 with too little of my soul. I've written some here about it, but probably not enough. A friend of a friend recently published former Atlanta and Kansas City newsman Tom Corvin's two-part open and unsent television news resignation
- [Define "benefit"](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/24/define-benefit/) - The first time I saw this headline, I thought, "That might be funny. I'll come back to it later and see if I still think so." I still think so.
- [Friday Mental Massage: Prioritizing ](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/22/friday-mental-massage-prioritizing/) - My kid woke up this morning and knew who I am, so that's better than yesterday. Since we've gotten that out of the way, it's time for a Friday Mental Massage on priorities. Friday--Okay, these are your potential Friday activities. Work on major project, play disc golf, spend some quality time with the wife, get
- [Safeside Superkid](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/21/safeside-superkid/) - I knew my kid was going to be difficult when he ordered a hamburger at a Mexican restaurant. I further knew he was going to be difficult when he insisted on going to the bathroom twice during the 30-minute meal. Taking my kid to the john during a meal is one of my least favorite
- [Making my wife happy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/20/making-my-wife-happy/) - My wife has never said this, but I get the impression she loves the fact I am out of shape and stupid. My kid's fourth birthday party got me thinking about it. As I looked around the swimming pool, I saw something pretty impressive. Scattered across the landscape were women who spend hours working on
- [Suburban underbelly](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/18/suburban-underbelly/) - As you know, I write a bit about my adventures as a suburban warrior. If I told all the stories, I'd probably wake up with a cardigan tied around my neck and a duck head on my pillow. Or something like that. Point being, there's a lot that goes on among us suburbanites that might
- [A million little pieces](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/14/a-million-little-pieces/) - My kid loves animals. I could buy him the most expensive toys in the world and he would set them aside to play with his over-large collection of Sclheich wildlife figurines. The concept of habitat is fascinating to my boy. He'll go on and on about it. Until today, he would create habitats out of
- [Four-year-old VIP](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/12/four-year-old-vip/) - My kid is turning four years old this week. The bands have all been hired, the beer truck's parking space is marked with orange cones, and the bikini-clad ring girls are auditioning today. The three-day affair is bringing in people from three states. People are ending their beach vacations early to come home for the
- [Under pressure](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/10/under-pressure/) - If my wife's to-do list was somebody's face, I'd be awaiting a bond hearing right now, because I beat the hell out of that thing in the past ten days. I put down an epoxy floor in the garage, painted all the walls, put up two brand new shelving units, and turned the two-car space
- [Free book!](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/07/free-book/) - It's been a while since I gave away a book. Seems like now is as good a time as any. Back in December 2007, I sat in the D-terminal at McCarran International eating a tuna sandwich. Blood and I were getting ready to take the long flight home after a long weekend in Vegas. As
- [You want pictures?  You got pictures.](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/05/you-want-pictures-you-got-pictures/) - Post useless without pics. --Pauly Well, the bleeding has finally stopped. It took a little less than 24 hours. I consider that a win. As I mentioned last night, my left index finger lost a battle with some German steel. I thought the story was enough to sate the bloodlust of my sick audience. Obviously
- [Ginger fingers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/04/ginger-fingers/) - It is my wife's birthday. She gets a kick out of the fact I call her MILFy. She says it makes her feel sexy, like one of the MILF's on hdpornmovies.xxx. It turns her on, which turns me on. Everyone's a winner. Anyway, I was making dinner. The menu was a last-minute decision based on
- [What I need today](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/08/02/what-i-need-today/) - Busy day here on Mt. Otis. It's the Misuss' birthday weekend, not to mention the time scheduled for a fairly major home improvement project. The weekend project is about 40% finished with one day left before other duties must be given priority. I'm not optimistic about finishing, but I'm happy with how far I've gotten
- [My youth for sale](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/30/my-youth-for-sale/) - In the summer of 1994, I was a waiter at a place called El Chico. I was a good--if very clumsy--waiter. The tyrannical manager, a 40-something woman who needed desperately to get laid or take some very powerful pills, was no match for the staff there. The guys I worked with were professional partiers who
- [Baby Daddy](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/29/baby-daddy/) - My wife walked in the door. I said what I normally say before getting up from my comfortable chair. "Hey, baby. You need any help?" She's always carrying something. Groceries. A sleeping kid. The world's troubles on her shoulders. I can usually help with the groceries. She always gets the mail. I think she would
- [Otis, the Lime Tosser](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/29/otis-the-lime-tosser/) - What did I do in Las Vegas for entertainment? See a show? Go to a club? Helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon? Nope, I took fifteen minutes at the end of most nights to throw fruit for money with my friend Pauly. He explains it a lot better than I could over at Tao of
- [Front row](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/28/front-row/) - There used to be a day when I didn’t have very much money. By that, I mean if there was any money left over after paying bills and eating, it was usually enough to pay for a few beers. During that time, I used to have a list of bands I’d be willing to pay
- [Guns, Ammo, Bridal Registry](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/26/guns-ammo-bridal-registry/) - What you see below is an un-doctored picture taken by my brother just outside Union, Missouri. I don’t think it needs any further comment from me. You, however, are more than welcome to hit the comments with the full force of your wit.
- [One second](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/25/one-second/) - I slammed on the brakes and came to a hard stop in the middle of Chick Springs Road. I was sweating from four miles of semi-hiking through some park trails. My iPod was blaring through the factory car speakers, I had a bottle of Gatorade in my hand, and I was only thinking about how
- [Insight into my frustration](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/24/insight-into-my-frustration/) - If I've seemed a little frustrated over the past couple of years, I apologize. I get that way sometimes. While I'm an emotional guy, I'm also rational to a fault and base a majority of my life on reason and logic. In fact, being unreasonable is a vacation for me. There have been a few
- [When the grass is just fine](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/22/when-the-grass-is-just-fine-3/) - A couple of weeks ago, I stood in the lobby of the Palms Hotel and Casino and pretended I was a big shot for a little while. Somebody hung an All-Access pass around my neck and led me through a mini-labyrinth to what would eventually be a very, very expensive party. “This is where everybody
- [How I spent my summer “vacation”](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/21/how-i-spent-my-summer-vacation/) - "Oh, it must be so exciting!" That's what people say when I tell them I spent my summer in Las Vegas. "You must use Tower Loan to be able to afford that?!"That's what people say when I tell them I have actually spent the majority of the past four summers in Las Vegas."Well that explains
- [Tom Green goes home](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/17/tom-green-goes-home/) - It was the middle of the morning or middle of the night. Describing the actual time is pointless. It was simply one of those moments in Vegas when the sun isn't up and people aren't hungover and mean yet. I was on the way to my room, a junior suite at the Palms, a place
- [Nuked](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/07/06/nuked/) - Imagine waking up one day and realizing, in the eyes of God, you no longer exist. In the world of the world wide web, there's no questiton who pulls the strings. No matter whether you avoid worshipping false idols, there is no denying the power of Google. While I'm still investigating the actual cause, the
- [Puking people](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/30/puking-people/) - In the past seven days, I have seen two people throw up in public. The first time, I was leaving my house. A crew of high school cross country runners were out for a morning jog. The pack was at my street when I pulled out of the house. Two streets down, I saw the
- [Sleeping in Las Vegas](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/26/sleeping-in-las-vegas/) - I have never really cottoned to that whole Theory of Relativity thing. Einstein was a weird cat and I think probably a closet prankster. Nobody wears his hair like that unless he is up to something. I’m supposed to believe that the faster I move, the slower time goes. That does nothing to explain how
- [Fat in Las Vegas](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/25/fat-in-las-vegas/) - Somewhere along the line, I got fat. Hard to say exactly what happened. Normally I can count on my sedentary lifestyle to not otherwise affect my shape. Ever since I gave up sugary sodas about seven years ago, I have been able to maintain a weight that I didn't mind announcing. Upon my arrival in
- [While I’m packing](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/20/while-im-packing/) - Packing for a three-week trip to Las Vegas is an extended process. Make no mistake, the actual act of putting clothes and equipment in a big only takes an hour or so. I’m experienced in that area and if you told me I had to go on the road for a month right now, I
- [I drink your milkshake](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/17/i-drink-your-milkshake/) - "Holy, hell, I know I'm tired, but that looks like my stomach." I was laying on my side with a straw in my mouth and sucking on the worst shake I've had in my life. I remember some huckster giving me a cement-mixer in college (Baileys and lime juice in a static snot ball). This
- [RIP Tim Russert](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/13/rip-tim-russert/) - I’d like to think journalism won’t die with him, but Tim Russert was capital “J” journalism’s face and voice. I still believe in journalism, but it will be a lot harder without Russert at the helm.
- [Where we experiment with Windows Live Writer](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/10/where-we-experiment-with-windows-live-writer/) - The thing about not having been a Steve Jobs disciple is that...well, it's hard to be a cool kid in John Hodgman's world. He's the only one who is allowed to be cool. Still, Microsoft will occasionally come up with a new toy. I'm currently composing this post on Windows Live Writer. I will fully
- [iTunes overhaul overview](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/05/itunes-overhaul-overview/) - I've been lazy. I'm not a stupid person (all of the time, anyway), but it took me several months to figure out the best way to move all of my iTunes files from my near-obsolete desktop to my near-obsolete laptop. Once I discovered a nifty advanced "Consolidate" function in iTunes, I had it all done
- [Phish reunion?  Gimme Hoots.  And Hellmouth.](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/05/phish-reunion-gimme-hoots-and-hellmouth/) - My friends are nearly apopleptic. In a good way. The internet rumor mill (and, no doubt, a solid bit of guerrilla marketing) is churning out near-daily stories about the possible reunion of this generation's jam band, Phish. Pauly is already promising to give up his lucrative poker writing to follow Phish anywhere. My buddy G-Rob
- [Twelve years in love, eight years official](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/03/twelve-years-in-love-eight-years-official/) - You should have seen her. She wore denim overall shorts and a shirt that rose up over her hips. Everything about her turned me into a 13-year-old boy. The bare section of her midriff made me crazy. She let me take her to Shakes for a pizza--shrimp on whole wheat crust--and let me talk for
- [5/4 time one more time](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/06/02/54-time-one-more-time/) - Bomp, bomp, bomp...bomp bomp. How many Dead shows have you been to? See them play Buddy Holly's "Not Fade Away?" Okay, not a Dead Head? Then how many of you saw U2 perform "Desire?" Hell, I'm sure there is at least one George Michael fan out there who loves "Faith?" Know what they all have
- [Double Ecco](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/30/double-ecco/) - That's right ladies and gentlemen. It's the time of year again. This year, I went with two pair of my favorite shoes. I bought a fresh pair of these, the shoes that have helped me survive several summers on my feet in Las Vegas. I also added a pair to the rotation this year. I've
- [From the "Just Sayin'" Files](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/27/from-the-just-sayin-files/) - I'm just sayin... If there is a quarterback controversy for your home team and the coach picks the QB for the first game of the season, do you really want the second stringer doing all he can to hurt the starter? Is it it in any way helpful for the second stringer's agent to start
- [Comment spammers, Barack Obama, RFK, and Hillary](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/23/comment-spammers-barack-obama-rfk-and-hillary/) - Blog comment spammers are the equivalent of the guy you catch masturbating in the car next to you at the stop light and honking his car horn. He's not not going to get anyone's attention unless he forces it. I hate that guy and I hate comment spammers just as much. On the poker blog
- [Two years without Gulfman](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/20/two-years-without-gulfman/) - Two years ago at this time, we knew Gulfman was dead. We'd known for a couple of days, but it wasn't really official until May 20, 2006. In the time since he died, I've tried to find a way to write a tribute to my friend. I've not been able to do it. I thought
- [Envelope please](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/20/envelope-please/) - I've mentioned my buddy's blog before. I'm sure I'll mention it again. He writes one of the best military blogs out there. If you read nothing else today, read his story from Iraq: KIDS. One of his photos is below. I'm not going to try to write anything better today. [Note: Broken link is now
- [Discarded Twitter posts](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/16/discarded-twitter-posts/) - Collected below are tweets that didnt make the cut on my Twitter feed. I am too lazy to get a haircut Somehow it makes me feel better that Brad Pitt has gray in his beard I think I am actually conscious of my atrophy Hillary is like a poker player in a rebuy tournament and
- [Big Box Blues Update](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/13/big-box-blues-update/) - When we last left our intrepid hero (or the guy who doesn't save receipts), he was awash in the Big Box Blues. I figured I'd offer some resolution. Turns out, after all the work to get the receipt to confirm our warranty, it didn't matter, because we (and, I'm pretty sure you can read that
- [Big box blues](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/08/big-box-blues/) - I hate this part. There was a time when my not-yet-atrophied heart thought about the romantic nature of gift-buying. I would spend hours looking for the perfect gift, from a jeweler similar to this Jacobs the Jewellers: Reading & Berkshires Trusted and Independent jewelers. One year, my wife and I went to Aruba, swam with
- [Get it out of your head...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/07/get-it-out-of-your-head/) - Just try.
- [Slice of summer](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/04/slice-of-summer/) - Autumn makes me think. Spring makes me feel. Winter makes me numb. Summer makes me...me. Summer smells like cut grass at sundown. It looks like a teenage girl's windblown sundress. It feels like sweat on the back of my neck. It sounds like the Beach Boys in a box-fan cooled room. Summer is my childhood
- [Bad SEO!  Bad!](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/05/02/bad-seo-bad/) - If you've ever sat back and wondered how that guy down the street seems to make so much money with what he calls "Work on his website," you're probably not familiar with Search Engine Optimization, known in most computer circles as SEO. Frankly, if you're one of those people who makes money in more traditional
- [Otis' Boxed Life](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/30/otis-boxed-life/) - I have two lives: In the box and out of the box. My time out of the box is governed by the whims, wishes, and needs of my wife and kid. It's beautiful, but sometimes terribly inefficient. My time in the box is my own (and my clients') and I like it to be as
- [In the name of Science](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/29/in-the-name-of-science/) - I'm going to do something I thought I never would on this blog. I admit it. I watch American Idol. I don't know how it happened. First, it was just a way to spend time with my wife. Then it was an opportunity to chat with some friends from around the country. Now, three years
- [Sharing Books winner](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/27/sharing-books-winner/) - Well, when I offered to re-gift my copy of "Another Roadside Attraction," I knew I was going to have a tough decision on who finally ended up with the book. I'm happy to announce that the book will be going to a guy named Aaron. The reason? The guy has given me tons of free
- [Presenting...](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/25/presenting/) - ...the two best reasons to wake up in the morning. More at my Flickr page.
- [Sharing books](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/23/sharing-books/) - Several months ago, my buddy Pauly sent me a copy of "Another Roadside Attraction." It was a book that, much to my surprise, I had never read. Pauly enclosed a note indicating that he and the previous reader had signed the inside cover. He directed me to read the book and then do the same.
- [A cabbie in Monte Carlo](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/22/a-cabbie-in-monte-carlo/) - It's 7:15am and I'm in the back of a Mercedes in Monte Carlo. I've been on no sleep for as long as I can rightly remember. My bags are in the trunk, my seatbelt is on, and my sunglasses are deflecting the first real sun I've seen in days. I'm not one to start conversations
- [Brought up on Sin City](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/21/brought-up-on-sin-city/) - I've managed to make optimism a fault. I don't know how it happened, but some time in the last decade, I've figured out a way to find silver linings in sow's ears (not to mentioned mixed metaphors) and do it so incessantly that I don't think anything will ever go wrong. It's a blissful little
- [At home where I belong](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/20/at-home-where-i-belong/) - The hibiscus took on leaves while I was gone. I'd been home for two days before I noticed. When I left, the season was trying to change, but couldn't quite get over the hump. Now, the lambs and lions have found other things to do and I'm back where the blossoms have purpose and the
- [Reflections of Otis](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/12/reflections-of-otis/) - A few minutes ago, I looked at my watch and realized I hadn't peed in more than eight hours. That's not me. No time for a proper write-up here, so I offer a picture I took last night that asks...Where's Otis?
- [Being thankful for New Yorkers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/11/being-thankful-for-new-yorkers/) - I don't understand the electronic device rules on airplanes. I hardly see how my iPod and headphones could possibly make a plane crash. Pilots apparently believe in a little thing called electro-magnetic interference (EMI) and how it affects their navigation system. Science doesn't necessarily agree with the pilots, but because it spends its time working
- [Monte Carlo Man](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/08/monte-carlo-man/) - Milan was probably the scariest part. A year ago at this time, I had to deal with Atlanta. If you aren't from around these parts or don't do much business with Delta, you may not know Hartsfield International as well as I do. Imagine Hell, but farther South and subject to routine delays in your
- [Foot fetish](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/07/foot-fetish/) - Some people don't like feet. I have a good friend and former work colleague who would literally shudder at the thought of a bare foot. The day a fan wrote and asked for her shoe size, I was pretty sure my freind was going to pass out. Me? I like a good foot. I don't
- [13-Minute Sex and the DVR](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/03/13-minute-sex-and-the-dvr/) - Thank goodness for Science. Bless it. Really. Not even a year ago, Science gave us, ahem, proof that guys prefer hot chicks. That's why we pay Science. That's why we drop Science like Galileo dropped the orange. That's why Rudy took Science. So Science will spend its time time and our money confirming that my
- [No joke](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/04/01/no-joke/) - In recogition of this most important of days...I offer a snippet of an old post that explains a lot about me... *** I lost my virginity on April Fools Day. Looking back, there was probably no way I could’ve waited any longer. Spring is a dangerous time for high school hormones and there wasn’t much
- [Twinkle](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/31/twinkle/) - I've just spent five days as Mr. Mom. It was exhausting, frustrating, and absolutely fantastic. I have way too much to do to properly recount the past week. Two quick anecdotes, though, just to remind myself of them later. One night, we went to dinner with my friend G-Rob. Somehow the subject of komodo dragons
- [TSA wants to see your rack](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/29/tsa-wants-to-see-your-rack/) - From the They Can't Be Serious Department: Long version: Nipple Ring Search Dispute Short version: Girl with nipple rings forced to remove said rings after failing x-ray machine at Lubbock airport. Hires Gloria Allred (because, who doesn't?) and gets the Transportation Security Administration to admit its procedures are more than a little messed up. In
- [Cat away](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/28/cat-away/) - My wife is on a boat somewhere and sleeping in a cabin with another pretty woman. I made sure my wife's camera was charged before she left. Beginning yesterday morning and lasting until Monday night, I'm Mr. Mom. This means a variety of things, but the long and short of it is, instead of being
- [Air marshals compete with virtual sluts for outrage](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/26/air-marshals-compete-with-virtual-sluts-for-outrage/) - Updated below "This is the outrage story of the morning," CNN anchor Tony Harris said. Let me be clear. I rarely take seriously anything that comes out of Harris' mouth. In the past quarter-century, CNN has gone from the "little network that could" to one of the best sources for news on the planet to
- [Things to read elsewhere](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/25/things-to-read-elsewhere/) - As I type, my entirely family is huddled in the master bedroom. The dog is on a leash, the wife and I are sitting in bed, and the boy is running around on the hardwoods like a squirrel on meth. The Worker Men (which is what I may call my next band) are putting in
- [Wil Wheaton recommends, Otis' son mildly traumatized](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/21/wil-wheaton-recommends-otis-son-mildly-traumatized/) - My new shirt came in the mail yesterday. I'm wearing it this afternoon. Today at lunch, the boy looked at me with the same, innocent and quizzical eyes. "Who are those guys, Daddy?" I looked down at my shirt. Two crayons sat on my unimpressive chest. "This is Mr. White and this is Mr. Orange,"
- [T's Rules for Home Improvement](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/20/ts-rules-for-home-improvement/) - In April 1999, I walked into a new job. It was a bustling newsroom that had already known my wife for a few weeks. The first desk I passed was one of those places where deskless people sit--a shared space that served as a home for the homeless, a place of respite for the weary,
- [Recommendations d'Otis](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/18/recommendations-dotis/) - From time to time, I like to throw out a few recommendations. It's not that I have particularly discerning tastes. I'm actually a pretty average guy with pretty average likes and dislikes. I think that qualifies me in the "try this out" area. Here are a few things I've tried recently that I think will
- [Music wish list](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/19/music-wish-list/) - I'm a little busy over the next few days with work and side-work projects. It's at times like this, when things are hectic, that having a sharepoint calendar is a must for busy working people. Keeping track of deadlines and projects makes things run smoothly at a time where it would be easy to lose
- [Steve Earle Guitar Changes Hands](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/12/steve-earle-guitar-changes-hands/) - Frequent readers here might remember a little project I started back in November. If you missed it, I sent one of my guitars over to Iraq to keep a friend occupied until he came home. At first I hoped he'd bring the guitar home to me. And then I changed my mind. I had only
- [Langerado 2008: Strawberry Shortcake's key changes](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/17/langerado-2008-strawberry-shortcakes-key-changes/) - By the time Sam Bush stepped to the stage on Friday afternoon, the south Florida sun had breached the clouds and enforced every sunscreen rule my mother ever preached. I sat on the ground in front of the Swamp Stage and readied myself to see the show. The Joker brought me a frozen drink, G-Rob
- [Home](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/11/home/) - When I got out of bed at 4:45 last Thursday morning, it was freezing outside. I was headed to Vegas, so I didn't bother wearing a heavy coat. When I returned yesterday morning, I was wearing a fleece jacket. I stripped it off when I realized it was in the high 70s and sunny.This afternoon,
- [Where normal meets life](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/17/where-normal-meets-life/) - Once returned from Las Vegas, the everyday activity between waking and sleeping seems quite ordinary. This is the way it happens every time. There is relief at being home, followed by latent endorphin withdrawal, followed by sense of contentment at the normal things in life.And it is quite normal. Friday night was a ridiculous evening
- [Afflicted](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/18/afflicted/) - I am afflicted.I have tinnitus. It's only in my right ear. Despite its constant manifestation, it doesn't bother me that much. I'm to blame for it, almost certainly. Countless live shows, too much time standing in front of giant amplifiers, too much caffeine. They can all cause it. I don't care. It's not going to
- [What the Huck?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/19/what-the-huck/) - Let's forget for a moment that one of the most important elections in our lifetime is eleven months away. Let's forget that the amount of money being spent on the campaigns could feed the homeless for untold months. Let's even forget whether we are Republicans, Democrats, Independents, or from Bob Jones University. Let's just ask
- [And you want to be my latex salesman…](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/20/and-you-want-to-be-my-latex-salesman/) - It's a smoky room with a big screen TV, leather couches, and a poker table. It's where I spend one night a week with a collection of salesmen, developers, engineers, retirees, and dentists. It is where, if only for a few hours a week, we are men. It is a place where we can tell
- [Glory be](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/22/glory-be/) - When my wife answered the phone, I let loose a string of profanity that made even her blush. This is the woman who uses four-letter words in job interviews and to describe puppies. "What? You've been in a wreck?" she said.I was about to run my car off the road, but I hadn't crashed yet.
- [Holiday trickery](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/22/holiday-trickery/) - It's downtown Greenville on a cold December afternoon. A magician has worked up a sweat, torn off his coat, and is working the crowd to a wash of smiles and belly-laughs. It looks like a carnival shell game, except he's not fleecing anybody of anything except their disbelief.When the trick is complete, the crowd applauds
- [Holiday groceries](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/23/holiday-groceries/) - I always park near the cart corral, no matter the weather. It usually means a longer walk into the grocery store, but it means less time finding a place to put my cart when I'm done with my shopping. I picked the Bi-Lo today, because it was closest and I'm feeling mentally and physically lazy.
- [Giuliani’s Headache](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/23/giuliani’s-headache/) - It's always fun to figure out what "flu-like symptoms" really means.If you missed it, Rudy Giuliani was admitted to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis last week with what was initially described as flu-like symptoms. Now, he says it was a headache. This is what Giuliani told ABC's George Stephanopoulos this morning, with my emphasis in
- [Winter’s nap on Mt. Otis](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/24/winters-nap-on-mt-otis/) - Let's be honest with ourselves here. I've woken up in a really ugly mood for the last few days and had no real excuse for it. Today, I woke up at 7:45am when my kid decided it was time to play drums. I figured it was time to wake up in a bad mood again.
- [Sleigh bells ring…](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2007/12/25/sleigh-bells-ring/) - I was a good daddy. I only drank three beers while assembling the Thomas the Tank Engine Trundle Table. I was in bed by 11:30 and asleep by 12:30. Still, the boy's early rising meant I was a stumbly mess come Santa time. Before we let the kid out of his room, I staggered downstairs,
- [Bahamian nightdream](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/10/bahamian-nightdream/) - It's nearly 2am in Nassau. I'm sitting in a room full of poker players. Fifty yards away, poker's version of soccer hooligans are chanting. They're fueled by a multi-rum drink and the local beer, Kalik. Unmentionable amounts of money are sliding back and forth across green-felted tables. For the week, I have a Bahamian work
- [Despite it all…](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/13/despite-it-all/) - I'll admit, my first and final post from the Bahamas was a bit bleak. It was one of those times when I should've just hit delete and waited until I got home. However, I use this blog to help me remember the high and low points in my psyche, so it remained. Thanks to all
- [First Bar](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/14/first-bar/) - Pardon the moment of fiction...Rocky’s ass hurt. He realized this at irregular intervals between drinking beer in big gulps and chain smoking the cheap cigarettes he bought at the bodega on Second Street. It was his tailbone, he decided and attributed it to slipping on the kitchen floor a few months before. That’s what he
- [Tom Cruise Scientology Indoctrination Video transcript](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/15/tom-cruise-scientology-indoctrination-video-transcript/) - The following is a transcript of the Tom Cruise Scientology Indoctrination Video that circulated on You Tube and various blogs this week. Reports say the Church of Scientology issued takedown orders to sites that chose to broadcast the video. For the sake of posterity (and as a cure for an hour of boredom), I threw
- [Super Tuesday Live Blog](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/05/super-tuesday-live-blog/) - 12:42am--Of course, Blogger sticks it to me in the waning moments... 12:27am--CNN gives Missouri to McCain. President McCain...still getting used to that one. 12:25am--CNN gives California to Clinton and McCain. That's not how I wanted to end the night. 12:21am--Damn, that was fast. NBC calls Californa for Clinton. 12:14am--Clinton wins Arizona, but the story is
- [Deep South Run: The Live Blog](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/22/deep-south-run-the-live-blog/) - Scroll down for updates.ANDERSON COUNTY, SC--Interstate 85, the major artery that runs from Atlanta, GA, through Upstate, South Carolina, and into to the northern reaches of the Southeast is a wet mess today. It is Mad Max dangerous, despite it running slower than it usually does. Nine years ago--back when I lived in this county,
- [Dateline: New Orleans](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/23/dateline-new-orleans/) - I couldn't get comfortable.Something was wrong. We crossed Lake Pochatrain and my wife pointed out how bad the railraod bridge looked. I was dealing with spitting rain, bad traffic, and a bad case of tension. The city felt sterile and too new. I wanted to turn around.Ten minutes later, we drove underground at the Royal
- [The bon temps](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/29/the-bon-temps/) - "I don't want this to sound as morbid as it will," I said to my wife.We were one of less than a dozen people in a bar as a long-haired country singer named Corey Michael sang on stage. We sat at the corner sipping our drinks and exhaling after two days of driving.My wife raised
- [Of best chances](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/30/of-best-chances/) - I do not talk about a lot of things with people I care about. I avoid confrontation at most times and it takes a lot to push me to the point at which I start running my mouth. Among the things I usually don't discuss: abortion, religion, and politics. I have recently, though, crossed the
- [Of best chances redux](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/01/31/of-best-chances-redux/) - "We're not voting for inspirational-speaker-in-chief." --CJ, in the comments to Of best chancesThe people who don't want Barack Obama to be President of the United States are united in their message: He has done nothing, he has proven nothing, and his inspirational kumbaya speeches are just a clever throwback to forty-some years ago. These same
- [TMZ, McDonald’s, Circuit City, and nipple slips](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/01/tmz-mcdonalds-circuit-city-and-nipple-slips/) - "Schadenfreude is the greatest joy."Americans, perhaps, caught on late to the concept of schadenfreude. We arrived so deep into the game of reveling in others' misery that we who speak English don't even have our own word for it. Maybe it was because, in the early days of colonization, we were too busy actually building
- [Getting screwed: The Live Blog](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/19/getting-screwed-the-live-blog/) - 9:00am: Two days ago, my wife told me both of our uptairs toilets had problems. By problems, she meant they wfere flushing, but doing so all over the damned floor. I accused her of being unlucky and told her to buy some Drano. No Home Depot product worked. A day later, she called the plumbers,
- [Langerado 2008: Serendipity in a white tuxedo](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/13/langerado-2008-serendipity-in-a-white-tuxedo/) - I would've liked to have been in on the meeting at which someone decided to book R.E.M. for Langerado. I might have suggested to the promoters that festival attendees are more interested in music than they are preening, whining, self-important stars of a previous century. I might have suggested that Michael Stipe's two-minute 38-second laments
- [Otis the disabled plumber](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/14/otis-the-disabled-plumber/) - My parents were due at the airport in half an hour. A contractor was due to arrive in the same time. I had better things to do than wonder why the kitchen floor was flooding. However, as it seemed everyone else's best solution fell under the "beach towel" category, it fell to me to be
- [Langerado 2008: The weight of the wait](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/11/langerado-2008-the-weight-of-the-wait/) - Six of us walked through the crowd, dodging fire ant mounds, clumps of cow manure, and hippies. We were bleary-eyed, half drunk, and working on next to no sleep. Dark Star Orchestra had just wrapped up its set and sent thousands of Langerado festival folk back to their respective sleeping quarters. Professional Keno Player Neil
- [Off the grid](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/05/off-the-grid/) - Several months ago, my buddy G-Rob was lamenting his lack of availability for an annual trip to Las Vegas. Due to work and family issues, he was forced to stay behind while the rest of us took our yearly December trip. Living in G-Rob's brain would be nearly impossible for most normal human beings. The
- [Sky afire](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/04/sky-afire/) - G-Vegas had its first thunderstorm of the the season. It lasted as long as a barfight between two drunks--entertaining, but over quickly enough to get back to the evening without worry. On a sunset sky, the fight ended with fire-bruises. The photo below hasn't been retouched. Nor have the others at my Flickr account.
- [Weekly Planner](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/03/weekly-planner/) - Monday: Awake at reasonable hour. Plow through backlog of undone assignments, lay off a couple others, try to avoid germs. Have dinner with Blood. Play cards until reasonable hour. Note: If playing cards doesn't net profit, avoid fantasizing about a Powerball win until 5am. Tuesday: Sleep a little late, but get up in time to
- [Bar light, bar bright](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/02/bar-light-bar-bright/) - I'd always wanted to own my own bar. What proper drinker hasn't? It's growing up in the age of Sam Malone, I think, that turns us dive denizens into wannabe bar owners. The perfect world scenario involves my wife and me owning a tiki hut somewhere on a beach--a place where regulars and tourists alike
- [Barack Obama: A different kind of popular vote](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/13/barack-obama-a-different-kind-of-popular-vote/) - I come from a generation of people who immediately disregard anything that gains any popularity among the general public. It's cool until other people like it. Then, "It's played, man. Played." These are the kind of people who support the Electoral College because they don't want to get caught supporting the popular vote. My, wouldn't
- [The marriage bed](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/14/the-marriage-bed/) - My wife and I have a problem in the bedroom. I've slept in more places than I can count--from five-star hotels to hammocks, I've seen it all. I've woken up on the best mattress in a house I didn't recognize, in a bed with two other guys in New Orleans, and once or twice on
- [Porn](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/17/porn/) - I am not on a diet. I probably need to be. Beginning in early July, I started to notice that my lifestyle (fast drinks, fast food, no exercise, etc.) was starting to manifest itself in tighter pants. Those once roomy blue jeans started to feel a tad tighter around the man-parts. I am loathe to
- [Scenes from an...Italian Restaurant](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/03/01/scenes-from-anitalian-restaurant/) - Our waitress was perky. I'll give her that. "I'm here to give you an authentic Italian experience," she said. I tried not to roll my eyes. I was only sitting there because my kid requested pasta and my wife is on a self-improvement program that means she only eats grass and broth (but not more
- [Two Kids](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/28/two-kids/) - I'm not much what you'd call the praying type. I think that subject has more than played itself out here. That aside, there are two kids out there this week who could use prayers' prayers and other folks' positive stuff. My cousin has a daughter who has been sick for most of her life but
- [Clean Living](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/27/clean-living/) - BadBlood suggested a new bar. I, by nature, am reluctant to change. My roots dig in when I find a place I like. I lived in the same house for eighteen years before overstaying my welcome at the University of Missouri. The only place I ever lived and left happily was Jackson, Mississippi. During the
- [Our man in the sand](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/26/our-man-in-the-sand/) - I've written about my buddy Daly several times on Rapid Eye Reality. The last couple days I saw him, we went on a beer run, rumbled down an old gravel road, and ended up at at music festival with our best friends. The next picture I see of him is the one on the left.
- [Eh?](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/24/eh/) - I am accused of being overly cryptic in my online communications. Usually, my vague ramblings are no more than me trying to work through something in my head. Sometimes, there's actually something going on. The past few months have fallen in the latter category. Next month is the ninth anniversary of the Otis clan's South
- [Dear John Blogger](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2008/02/21/dear-john-blogger/) - I remember our first night together. We were introduced by a mutual friend over a low country boil. The Tybee Island sun was setting and my head was light with spirits. I was so young and naive. The summer of 2001 was smack dab in the middle of the salad years. A blog? Never heard
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/08/29/205/) - Last Night's Dream... I was mad. There was no question about that. Anybody watching could've seen the meltdown in my eyes, smelled it coming from ears. I was walking and hoping nobody would follow me. Then I ran into her. From the back she looked like any other girl that might make a guest appearance
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/08/29/204/) - I guess you have to start somewhere. I watch the flutter, I envy the glub, I bow to the meow. It's only been a few weeks since sweet Su leaned over and in almost a whisper said "Have you started a BLOG yet?" I thought she was talking dirty (which was pretty neat since...well nevermind
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/08/29/203/) - Today's Reality I guess I should consider myself fortunate. I must know nothing about desperation. Desperation makes people stupid. For instance...bank robbers. There's a guy around here who doens't do much to disguise himself. Maybe a pair of sunglasses and ball cap. But, I'm sure he thinks he's sophisticated. He's been cutting out latex glove
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/08/30/202/) - Your mama I've never appreciated a "Your Mama" joke any more than I did today. Recall my rant yesterday about the Latex Glove Bandit. Today he tried it again and a 60 year-old cop chased him into a nice neighborhood near where my friends Susannah and Jay used to live. After about an hour of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/08/30/222/) - Random College Journal Entry Editor's note: The following is an excerpt from one of many college journals I kept. May 17, 1994--Two days into summer break Day2--Still no job. I can't decide if it's my long hair or general tendency to fail which contributes the most to my unemployment. I can cut my hair, but
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/08/31/794/) - Today's Reality An L.A. house is burning a sniper to death. An L.A. deputy is dead. An Iowa man is sitting in jail. They say he killed seven people. And I'm happy it's Friday. Does that mean I'm jaded, bored, numb, or selfish? Or shellfish? I suppose it doesn't mean much. We'll all knock back
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/02/187/) - Today's Rainy Reailty It's been raining so much the ducks are complaining. I've spent two days in bed watching the street outside get wet. I stumbled out into the humid air this afternoon and had a perfectly bad day on the frolf course. Then it rained. I came back home and climbed back into bed.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/04/186/) - Reality, rain, and razors The sky is still mucky. The sun decided to take a longer weekend than the rest of the nation's labor force. It's easy not to shave when the sun isn't shining. I shaved Friday morning and didn't shave again until this morning. I was starting to look like a lesser caveman.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/04/221/) - Maybe he's not that curious after all From the Associated Press... Curious George publisher sues Jews for Jesus (New York-AP) -- Curious George isn't affiliated with Jews for Jesus. So says a lawsuit filed today in federal court in New York City by the publisher of Curious George children's books. Houghton Mifflin accuses Jews for
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/05/220/) - A Meat and Three Primer I'm not a Southerner. I'm not a Yankee. I come from the Midwest originally, which means when it comes down to it, I'm nothing. When you're nothing, it is easy for the little things to impress you. Long Island accents. California avacado-eaters. People who love the Red Sox. I moved
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/07/219/) - Just me and you and dog named Scoop So, I call this Bachelor Brad Weekend (I'd call it Bachelor Otis Weekend, but the alliteration would be all off). The wife is off to a hitchin' in Jackson, MS and I have cleared my schedule for a weekend of boyish activities. The only one to keep
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/11/217/) - Numb I don't know how to start here. I slept through my alarm this morning and would've missed my first meeting of the day. But my mom called and told me to turn on the TV. My job is to inform people. I spent part of the day at my local airport. Part of the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/12/216/) - Red-eyed and wondering I force-fed myself five hours of sleep. I forced myself to turn off the fires and tears for five hours. I forced myself to attempt to dream. It didn't work. I slept hard and woke up feeling much the same as yesterday. I almost drowned in guilt yesterday. Guilt that I was
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/12/215/) - Hope I work in a sometimes worthless medium. I don't like myself or my work sometimes. But today, as America recovers, I'm proud of where I work. I work for a man (think Peter Graves with an edge) who decided this morning that we weren't quite doing enough yet. So, with less than an hour's
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/13/214/) - Hope continued I've got three double-shifts under my belt and still don't know how today will end. Each time I think I'm tired I think about those brave people (the doctors, the firefighters, the cops, the volunteer steel workers, etc) who haven't been to sleep since Tuesday morning. Then I feel guilty for feeling tired.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/14/213/) - I'm lost I can't watch any more. I can't click on another web site. Maybe this will help some.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/14/212/) - Faith "Evil will not do us in...it is not the last word. In fact, death is the birth pangs into resurrection." --Rev. Bob Dannals, Christ Church, Greenville, SC Those who know me know I go to church for weddings and funerals. "It feels like a funeral in one way and that is something has died
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/17/223/) - All the rollercoaster, none of the amusement park I was beginning to get worried there for a while. The Flutter Glub Meow page hadn't been updated in a long time and I was starting to feel damned alone out here (if you haven't logged on, look to your left and click on the corresponding site).
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/18/211/) - Live, local, breaking Reality Once again, you caught me reading Flutter...Glub...Meow. Editor's note: It's my favorite read because its editor is the nice lady who turned me on to this ethereal form of venting. Plus, she's my buddy and I like to keep up with her moods. Her most recent post hit home. She is
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/18/210/) - Life Looking back at my last few posts I realized that I've been awfully dreary. In a time when most of America is looking for some reason to smile, I haven't been helping very much. So, here are a few things that made me smile tonight... *I went to the frolf course tonight and shot
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/19/209/) - I laughed today Today I watched my mayor climb into a back hoe and start tearing down a flop house motel known both as The Den of Sin and The Relax Inn. The woman standing next to me said he looked like Dukakis in the tank. I thought he looked like Kevin Kline in "Dave."
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/21/185/) - I feel pretty...no...no...I feel normal I accidentally took a drink of a super-heated Diet Coke about an hour ago. You never know how hot the inside of a black car can get in the sun until you feel a near-boiling, bubbly syrup scorching your throat. It was cloudy when I got out of the car
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/24/184/) - Small Town, Big Eats This is really going to be lost on my friends who live in big cities. But I feel I have to share it. (As a paranthetical here...I am always wary of people who tell me they want to "share" something with me, but if you can look past it, I can
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/25/183/) - You're getting very sleepy... Not that I want you to leave this site...but...with a lot of help from Susannah (bet you didn't know you were helping so much) I re-designed my other page tonight. When you're finished here, click on Southern Comfort over on your left. The design is a complete fusion (and rip-off, by
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/25/182/) - Just when you think it's safe to go back in the grocery store I'm not famous. Far from it. Movie stars are famous. Joey Buttafuco is famous. I'm merely recognizable. (By the way, if i write about work too much, I'm sorry. I have to have somewhere to vent). So, I'm on TV. That's what
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/26/208/) - Cuddling, nuzzling, and dreams of guzzling Fall fell this week. Walking barefoot in the driveway is now comfortably uncomfortable. The fleece (that's plural for fleece, I guess) came down from the top of the closet. The sweatpants made a return visit to my bum. Daylight is getting ready for bed a little earlier than usual
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/27/207/) - Random Reality Ordinarily I like to keep my thoughts here swimming in one small Theme Pool. But, the pool is a bit leaky today, so I offer a few random thoughts and observations from the day... *If you're one of those law-talking gals or guys and you find yourself losing in the courtroom, I offer
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/09/28/206/) - Thanks Crate Nicholson is an emotional man. He's almost 80, frail, and just moved into a trailer on his daughter's land. It was either that or a nursing home. He followed the first push on D-Day, spent 36 days in a Normady hospital with a piece of shrapnel in his back, went back to the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/01/29/) - Of bed sores and blubber I slept a lot in college. Actually, to be fair, I slept as much or little as anyone else. I just scattered my sleeping time around and it happened to fall at the times when a lot of other people were awake. For this...I earned the none-too-flattering nickname...Bed Sore. Since
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/01/28/) - Missing...big, puffy man...103 years old They say he's capable. He's a worldly sort who survived through 103 years of war, economic downturns, and lawsuit-happy societies. They say he knows his way around. But I'm worried...because, in today's world, you just don't know how safe you can feel if a 103 year-old puffy icon is missing
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/02/27/) - Strom I have a lot of things I'd like to write about right now... However, I live in South Carolina. I work in the news businesses. And Strom Thurmond just collapsed on the U.S. Senate Floor. More later.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/02/26/) - Apart from the part... [Editor's note: It looks like Strom will remain in the suspended animation state for a while longer. That gives me a couple of minutes.] Here's the thing. When I was in college, I was a bit of a long-hair for a few years. It grew and grew. I looked worse and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/02/25/) - Big Puffy Man Update [Note: If you haven't read the story of the big, puffy man, scroll down a few stories then read this] I don't have the heart to write this out in its entirety. Let's just say, the folks at the Westin Poinsett thought a 103 year-old icon of tiremaking was...trash. Bibendum...compacted.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/03/24/) - The Five-Song Juke Box I've been called a lot of things in my day. When I was in sixth-grade, a girl at Fastnight Swimming Pool looked at my crotch and called me pencil-d*ck. I took it in stride. In fact, I used that callous statement to formulate a rule for all men. When dancing close
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/03/23/) - The Fever The first word Tim Harmon ever said to me had four letters in it and started with an F. That was all he said and he looked menacing when he said it. He marched by me and I spent a few months wondering whether I should fear him. He works in my building
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/03/22/) - It never ends Seems like I've been posting a lot today. You'd think I haven't been doing anything at all. Now I'm stuck at work with nothing to do. I was supposed to go home an hour ago, but America's Fear (and I say that without any disdain for the fear itself) and an idiot
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/04/42/) - Cold night, family pictures, bright lights on the dead I thought I was done blogging and working for the night. But, I was just about finished watching West Wing when the phone rang. The next thing I know, I'm deep into the night, standing on a just-mowed lawn, staring inside a house at a table
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/05/181/) - Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes [Editor's note: This thing has a point, it just takes a while to get to it.] My parents were good to me as a kid. I was born in Missouri's capital (crystalizing my sometimes tenuous relationship with freaky politics), but they moved me into my childhood home before I could recognize the face of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/06/201/) - Capitalism, Egotism, and Alcoholis...I mean good times! Well, we did it. After sitting up half the night drinking beer by myself and watching network dramas I had taped from earlier in the week, the wife and I rolled out of bed at 6:00...no, 6:30...actually closer to 7AM (darned snooze button). I opened my garage door
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/06/200/) - Um...I think I'm broken I think something has gone terribly wrong with RER. More precisely, I think Bellsouth.Net (the isp I use to host my images) sucks. It has always sucked. I was taking a nap a little while ago and I woke up with a fake word in my head. Suppologyn.--The apology given by
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/08/199/) - The Chicken Salad Years and other random realities I tried chicken salad for the first time sometime during my youth. Whoever made it put apples and raisins and nuts in it. It was like some poultry dessert. I hated it so I swore off chicken salad (with all suppologies to my fine, feathered friends). But
- [Michael Laney and the Godfrey-Hancock murders](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/08/michael-laney-and-the-godfrey-hancock-murders/) - My second homeI'm going to be spending a lot of time in a courtroom over the next couple of weeks. If you don't see a lot of posts, that's why.Below is a synopsis of what I'll be doing.THE CRIMESummer had waned in the weeks before and by nine o’clock it was dark at the corner
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/09/197/) - Posts from the arctic A quick post before I return to the great white courtroom (it seems the judge's robe is insulated. It must be 42 degrees in there). The public defender (AKA Foghorn Leghorn) has now driven the judge to near-madness. I wouldn't be surprised if we end up on network news tonight. We
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/10/196/) - Is my head on fire? People keep turning on the heat. Autumn is giving us taste of what South Carolina winter feels like. The dog doesn't like to go outside at night. The maintenance men are cranking up the thermostats. The air in every room I enter is dry. And everything smells like burning hair.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/11/195/) - Coconut Monkey My desk is a mess. I clean it up about once a week and it takes about a day to get really messy again. But, the mess is framed by the things I keep around to remind me of good work times and better free-time-times. So, for lack of something better to do...
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/11/194/) - I have a bad...bad reputation I'm not a social butterfly. I don't flit around from party to party looking to see and be seen. When I go to bars, I look for dark corners and friendly bartenders. I choose my drinking buddies wisely and choose my good friends even more carefully. All that having been
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/14/193/) - Maybe I need to take a day off Threw a party Friday night for Whims...a friend who decided to leave the workplace for much greener pastures. The party was about two hours old. The beer was walking on its own from the fridge to the guests' hands. Then someone on the deck whispered, "The police
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/15/192/) - Jeez... I had a long post all worked up in my head. I'm eight days into a murder trial that will end (except for the sentenceing phase) this afternoon. I'd planned a long rant about various powery substances...flour, baking powder, baking soda, rat poison, cocaine...and how I was fairly sure someone sprinkled Anthrax on my
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/16/191/) - This space intentionally left blank I'm still stewing about my buddy. But now it doesn't have to do with my disappointment over him missing our camping trip. Now it's some other things that are less definable and maybe less superficial. I talked to him briefly on the phone tonight. I didn't want to talk too
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/16/190/) - A little help I know there are a thousand ways to help out folks affected by the events on 9/11. Here's one more The band is Eddie from Ohio. The album is called "9eleven." There's only a few tracks on it, but I think they'll be very good. And it is only $10. And if
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/16/189/) - I'll have a Dead Body Photo with a sick twist I'm starting to get a little loopy. The trip is just two days away. My mutiple personalities have stopped doggedly trying to defeat my rowdiness. I've decided, despite being upset about Mike's departure, I'm going to have a good time. In light of such loopiness,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/16/180/) - On my mind I just spent a few minutes re-stringing my guitar (or guit-fiddle as some call it). More on that in moment...but first (in TV talk, that's the beginning of what we call an umbrella lead)...why I procrastinate. I've discovered, I let things go longer than I should. My grass hasn't been cut in
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/18/179/) - Dirty hippie? My buddy Marty is an occasional reader of RER. He writes today..."Are you turning into a hippie?" I dunno. Probably not. Nevertheless, I'm at LEAF. Won't be posting for a few days. Check back on Sunday or Monday. Hopefully I'll have some documentation and some stories that will convince all of you to
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/22/178/) - I need a blood transfusion We struggled back down the Mountain yesterday afternoon and capped off our weekend with a giant calzone. LEAF was quite a success. Lotsa good music and lotsa other stuff that I'll relate when I stop seeing double. Anybody know the number for Betty Ford?
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/22/177/) - Euchre, Book Binder, and Laughing LEAF weekend (a four day event this season) twists about in my head as little five minute memories. The anti-freeze probably has something to do with the lack of full scale stories, but the greater reason, I think, is that most of our life-long memories are not epics. They are
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/23/176/) - No news is... I've mentioned this before, but it feels more and more significant every day. September 11 is arguably the biggest news story of all time. That makes all other news seem puny. That means we in the news business (that's the local news business) don't have much to do that means anything. We're
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/23/175/) - Blimp Boy As much as I let my tongue slip and slam my line of work, it does provide me with oppotunties I wouldn't have if I worked behind a desk. In my short career I have traveled to the Mojave Desert, watched Mississippi Klan leaders sentenced to life in prison, flown multiple times in
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/25/174/) - Tongue-tied fingers After see-sawing on my job satisfaction this week, I decided not to post anything at all yesterday. My mother always said that thing about not saying anything if you can't say anything good. But, Daddy always said, "If it don't fit, force it." So, I'll try to write something today. I'm not even
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/26/173/) - Tongue Laces and babbling If only I could find a company that would make shoe laces out of my tongue. I have no problem being tongue tied. Talking to incredibly attractive or intelligent people, explaining to my wife why I need one more drink at 3AM, trying to say Julio Jaurez Gonzalez on the air.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/29/172/) - Chicken soup, dead dancers, and wasabi fingers My belly is full. I just enjoyed a bowl and a half of chicken and rice soup that I made with my wife last night. It was better tonight than last. Now, I'm hunkering down for a long night of playing on the computer. But first, a couple
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/30/171/) - Moons over Mt. Willis Tomorrow night...Halloween. Day of dread, devils, dastardly deeds. It will also be the first time in 46 years that a full moon will rise over the holiday. Scientists are predicting...due to atmospheric conditions...that the moon will look like a jack-o-lantern. Also in the sky, the Seven Sisters constellation...often pointed to by
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/31/170/) - Say burrito really fast My wife is cracking me up. Her drive to expand her horizons is admirable. I have a hard time expanding anything more than my waist line. She has taken it upon herself to become a fast Spanish speaker. She started taking classes a couple of months ago. Two days a week
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/31/169/) - Halloween and Femininity It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was a young boy, not completely sure of myself, but just ballsy enough to say, "Indeed, I do want to be a woman for Halloween." My mom--obviously not afraid her son (the same son who played kiss chase in kindergarten and asked
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/10/31/188/) - My Ego It's not that late, but I feel sleepy. I'm crediting my fatigue with my amazement over a recent phenomenon. I should start by telling you, I started RER for my own personal enjoyment. Su got me started and helped me until I got hooked. Frankly, I would post a little something here everyday
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/01/13/) - I knew she liked the beach...but this is getting silly Mental note: When the Hurricane People name a tropical storm after your wife, don't announce to a room full of people that you're not surprised because you often see a small Depression turn into something much more violent. Humor is not always the best marital
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/02/12/) - New doggy? Don't have much on my mind this morning. So I'll relate a story just told to me by my executive producer. She said it came out of her son's head, the product of a ghost story-induced dream. It may be a real ghost story or urban legend that people tell each other, but
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/02/11/) - A good day for Peak and Parentheticals I can only hope everyone who reads this is getting the same weather I am right now. It feels like early April. Just about time to break out the old Peak ball for an afternoon tournament. Thing is....I've been feeling rather nostalgic. I've been thinking about my old
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/02/10/) - Oh, no This looks bad. See, I have a big nose. I've broken it twice. Once with my own knee (don't ask). Once with a softball (never ever play catch with a guy named Rocket Arm in a dark gymnasium). I've never really liked my profile or the way I look when I interview somebody.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/05/9/) - On the 8th day... I'm eight days into a 12 workday marathon. For the last three months our staff has been covering for a weekend reporter who hobbled herself on the steps of our live truck. Bum knee, she says. The unofficial station motto has become "Stay off it for a while." So, I had
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/06/8/) - Costa Rica and Crankiness I got to take a ride out west to Clemson Univeristy this morning. Our assignment editor gave me one of my favorite photographers...a man who I'll call Mr. Efficiency...or Mr. E for short. The ride was great. After we skirted through the mid-level traffic mecca of Easley, SC, we rode along
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/07/7/) - My brother...oh, my brother It generally happens this way. When I get in a good-story-drought, my brother can always come through. Background: He's a med student at the University of Missouri; bred on promptness; a lot like me, but a lot smarter; and in a long-term relationship. Here's an e-mail I got from him yesterday...in
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/08/6/) - Bad ju-ju on Mt. Willis The Hatfield and McCoy feud began as a battle over pig ownership. It ended in a very bloody fashion. A lot of people died. All this despite the fact that the two families lived in different states (Kentucky and West Virginia) and had a small mountain range divided the families'
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/12/4/) - Wordless and worried Bad coincidences always make my stomach flip over. And I have to believe that is all this is. A Bad Coincidence. You know, on September 11th, my friend Beth was flying back from LA. Her husband lives there. She was stranded in Cleveland and ended up hitching a ride back to South
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/12/3/) - Pay No Attention... ...to the man behind the curtain. Feeling strange today. Incidentally, my friend Beth made it home today. She flew through Charlotte and made it home before noon. However, there may soon be a mandate from the FAA that she stay out of the air (for those who haven't been paying attention, that
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/13/2/) - If time had wings, I'd build a cage I sat down a few hours ago, planning to kill some time before the news came on. The news came and went. My wife went to bed. Next thing I know, I looked up and RER looked completely different. So, here's the latest incarnation of Rapid Eye
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/13/35/) - So, that's what my insides look like Shortly after my last post, my body revolted. It declared its indepedence, sang a new national anthem, and raised a flag out of my navel. In short, I thought I had a touch of botulism most of the night. After 14 hours of mentally making out my will,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/14/34/) - Insides...staying inside The Bout with Botulism (a close second to the Thrilla in Manilla) seems to have passed. Still dealing with the after-effects. I think I pulled every muscle in my neck. Puking hurts sometimes. I spent the day feeling weak and worried about the state of our country. I think we're on top of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/15/33/) - The Seventh Juliet Juliet was the seventh. Her family had a thing about the name. She kept a portrait of the first. That one came from the old country. The Seventh named her daughter Juliet. The next generation had one, too. That makes nine. There are only two who are still alive. Juliet died this
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/18/56/) - Craft Show Bootlegs Just back in from a two-day whirlwind trip to Charlotte. A double bill of Widespread Panic and 18 holes at a treacherous championship frolf course. There are a lot of stories from the weekend. but one stands out. Anybody familiar with Widespread Panic (or Phish or the Dead, for that matter) knows
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/19/55/) - Scratchy and Random Usually when I get sick, it starts with a scratchy feeling in the back of my throat...like a mild chile pepper seed caught just beyong my uvula's reach. It generally goes pretty quickly from there. One day scratchy, the next day sick. I'm a little concerned. Scratchy Throat has been teasing me
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/19/54/) - Hey look! Willis just dropped... One of my favorite stories to tell (and one of my friends' favorites to hear) is an old high school football tale. Coach Reuben Berry (former CFA coach, turned high school mentor/coach, turned cancer victim) was a bit of phrase-smith. My favorite (in referring to the Willard High School Tigers
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/21/53/) - Get me a Turducken! I was in a discount store today. I wasn't happy about being there, but I wasn't unhappy either. More than anything, I was bored. And so was the 11 year-old kid standing down the clothing racks from me. I hate to admit it, but we were both occupying ourselves by doing
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/21/52/) - A Legacy Anyone who might have read Monday's piece about me dropping my...whatevers...will remember the story of my old coach...Rube Berry. I was getting a little nostalgic. Started looking around on the 'net. As it turns out, his son is now the coach of the Army Black Knights. That's him. Todd Berry. Looks a little
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/22/51/) - I'll have some turkey and a schooner of Bud I was all prepared to moan and whine about my holiday situation. Admittedly, it blows. And sucks. I'm trapped in the news business and far from family and food. In a moment of protest, I didn't wear a tie to work today. What's worse, my wife
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/22/50/) - More Thanksgiving Dispatches As part of my "I'm-going-to-boycott-work-as-much-as-I-can" effort today, I didn't carry a pen or notebook with me as I went out on my story today. It wasn't that big a deal, but it was enough to give me a sense of non-accomplishment. Then I needed something to write with. Not because of work,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/23/49/) - Euchre and the power of the ether This was a non-traditional Thanksgiving at best. My Brother Beaker flew solo (sort of) on the family trip. My wife and I both worked. We had turkey at work, but our friends backed out on us for dinner, so I made food and we ate it in front
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/25/48/) - The Rainy Day Ice Cream Man Don't trust him. After about 48 hours of soupy skies and periodic downpours, I can again see the moon. The drought took a shot in the crotch this weekend as cold and warm fronts dumped a couple inches of rain on the Upstate. Which is why the visit by
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/26/47/) - Mr. Honesty Maybe I have a problem. I live in a world of sharks, vultures, and sick twists. Liars, thieves, and confidence men skulk about pushing their lies, booty, and cons on unsuspecting pigeons. I've grown to accept this. I even embrace it from time to time. I have a friend (we'll call him "T")
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/27/46/) - Prison Bars and Grandchildren He thought he was going free. Twenty-six years in prison, a clean disciplinary record, and a get-out-of-jail-free card from the parole board. What the cop-killer didn't know... the parole board acted when nobody was watching. So...after a re-inspiring bit of work by yours truly and a lot of yelling by a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/27/45/) - More inspiration I've given Ruth some time to get her blog up and running. She is a high school friend who happens to be married to one of my two best friends in the world. She's a teacher who lives near my hometown. She's still struggling to work out the "gotta-post-everyday" thing, but she's getting
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/28/44/) - Pop Culture Victim I'm so embarrassed I can barely look at myself in the reflection of my monitor. I pride myself on...if not being on the cutting edge...at least being somewhere near the blade. Since I was a senior in high school...and a couple of years later when I met a guy named Marty (you
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/29/43/) - News One of my fellow reporters (you'll find him at One Step Left) told me yesterday that my boss says there is no "good news/bad news." It's just "news." So , here's the news from today... It sounds like some 12 year-old wants to be like Susan Smith. I'm withholding judgement, but as of this
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/29/32/) - When I'm not inspired... ...I try to give you a chance to do your thing. I've added a comment section to RER. You'll find it at the bottom of each post. If you've got something to say about what I've written, you can do so by clicking on the word "comment." It has a section
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/30/31/) - Waiting for the phone to ring ...is about 60% of my job. I call people. They're doing something else. I wait for them to call me back. That's what I'm doing right now. Three hundred people have lost their jobs in the technology/communications sector. I'm reporting the story and trying to provide some context. My
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/11/30/30/) - My guitar...weeping...maybe not so gently I'm standing in front of a teleprompter at noon today (for those who don't know...that's the thing that makes TV people look smarter than they really are). I see the words "Baby Boomers are mourning..." at the top of the screen. I know the story is going to be about
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/01/90/) - Shopping in Shorts It's December 1st. I'm wearing shorts. I perspired today. I slept late today (staying up until 5:30AM playing poker will do that to you), but filled my day with haircuts, frolf, and Christmas shopping. All day long, people are playing holiday music and I'm counting my leg hairs in public. The South
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/03/89/) - When do my boobs start to sag? And stick it to those of you who are snickering and muttering to yourself "they have been since college, buddy..." Yeah...my birthday is Tuesday. I've been feeling old and young at the same time. Old with graying hair, young while hanging out with friends. Saturday night my wife
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/04/88/) - Muesday Morning I have a hard time going to sleep on Monday nights and Tuesday mornings. Not sure why. Probably something to do with an aging metabolism or fears about how big the sweet gum tree outside my house seems. My wife says I've been screaming in my sleep recently. I had intended for my
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/04/87/) - Light a fire under this I may lack Olympic pride. Seeing that little Scruggs girl roll her ankle over didn't make me buy an American flag. I only chant "U-S-A" at Fourth of July parties. And I think I hate the Olympic Torch. A lot of it may have to do with my Neo-Purist tendencies.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/05/86/) - Technical Rage I'm sure someday there will be some designation in doctors' DSM--IV (maybe by then it will be the DSM-V) that relates to Technical Rage. There is something about the inability to make something work (that very well should be working, by the way) that makes me want to rip off my shoes, polish
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/05/85/) - Heart-rate decreasing... It seems my fix has worked for now. My heart rate is going down and I might be able to concentrate on work for a while. If it gets any worse...I'm might start a boycott of some sort.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/05/84/) - The Bulbs are Blooming in Boston I've never been to Bean Town, but I bet it's nice to have flowers blooming in December. Indian Summers are one of the neat things about this planet and I think we should embrace them...or at the very least give them a good pat on the back. I've got
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/06/83/) - One year ago today... I was freezing. I had a wool overcoat and pair of thin, inadequate leather gloves. A medivac helicopter carried a South Carolina state trooper into the gray sky. He wasn't breathing then and would never start again. Somebody shot him. His name was Eric. He bounced around so much--vibrant and loving
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/07/82/) - The whole darn pissing match I try not to be vulgar (use "gutter talk" as my daddy would say), but that's exactly what it is going to be...One Big Pissing Match. Beginning next Wednesday, a man I'll call Ken will be the first man ever to stand trial in South Carolina for selling his own
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/10/111/) - Things Change We here in the southeast have lounged in relative comfort for the last few months. We've had very few cold days and even fewer with rain. I went out on the frolf course at 10:30 Satuday morning. I perspired. This morning, it is jacket-chilly outside and the clouds are spitting raindrops. When the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/10/57/) - On the road... Looks like I'll be away from RER for a couple of days. I'm being shipped out to the lower part of the state for a presidential visit. Everyone keep your eyes open for odd minutiae.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/11/21/) - Blogging at the Citadel [Editors note: I just rolled in after a four hour drive back from Charleston. I had no laptop, so during a moment of boredom, I blogged on a legal pad. This is the short post from inside the arena where Dubya spoke this afternoon.] Dubya won't be here for another hour
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/12/20/) - Nose Hair Horror So, I was putting on my makeup yesterday (I love to start out a story like this...) and something wasn't quite right. It was like seeing the car you sold last week out of the corner of your eye on a busy street. Somebody else is driving and they aren't holding the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/13/19/) - I should be home in bed... But I am at work, staring blankly at my computer screen. Apart from a two-hour happy hour break, I've been at work for 14 1/2 hours. So far today, I've put a temporary fix on my home heating system, although I'm not sure how long it will last. It's
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/14/18/) - Even when you're expecting it... ...the repair man screw job still hurts. Straight up, 8AM. I'm groggy, just out of the shower. I'm wet, sloppy, unshaven and looking for a reason to call in "dead" to work. The doorbell rings and my dog goes nuts. Mr. Former-Armed Services is at the door. He's holding a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/14/17/) - I said "pee" on live TV In my six years of radio and television work, I've never cursed or had an offensive slip of the tongue on the air. That ended on live television tonight. A jury convicted the county urine salesman of illegally selling his own pee-pee. Six months in jail, a $10,000 fine,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/16/16/) - Blogging in the Ozarks Back to the old homestead for a few days. It's odd to see all the old haunts through new southerner eyes. The old high school seems foreign. Old girlfriend's houses seem small. Old friends have kids. I feel like an uncle. My buddy Brad's little brother isn't so little anymore. He's
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/19/41/) - Unpacked, unscathed, uninspired The glutton has returned to Mt. Willis. After four days on the road, in the air, and bellied up to a mother's dinner table, I'm back on the mountain, wearing boxers covered in bongo-playing monkeys. Monkeys are funny. My good buddy took good care of the pooch and took even better care
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/20/40/) - Shivering and warm at Mt. Willis Just came down off the real mountain...Paris Mountain. It is ten degrees colder up there and the wind is whipping like a stud bull's tail. I don't go up there often and wouldn't have tonight. But, when my wife came home about nine tonight, she said she saw a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/20/39/) - Take off those footie pajamas Maybe I'm just feeling a little randy today. Because, I seem to be in some sort of sick minority. Last night, I put on my rucksack, pith helmet, and Glock 9mm and headed out to the mall. During my travels (and after fighting a Mall Santa for a piece of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/23/38/) - Blogging In Mississippi That's M-I-cooked letter, crooked letter-I-crooked letter, crooked letter-I-humpback, humpback-I...to you and me. That was how Grandma Price taught me how to spell the name of this wretched state, back when I was a young boy, eating oranges in her smoke-filled house, and trying to catch a peak at some "r-rated" movies on
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/24/37/) - Merry Christmas from Dixie It's not snowing on the pines, or in the pines, or around the pines. In fact, I'm not even sure it is Christmas, but "Christmas in Dixie" was playing at the Kroger yesterday, so something festive must being happening somewhere. I'm on a no-shaving campaign. Haven't shaved my face since Friday
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/27/36/) - Christmas at the Waffle House Four stoned guys walked in and sat at the counter. It was a profile of every pot smoker you've ever known. The Giggler sat on the end, entertained by every one of the grill cook's spatula-flips. The Perma-Smile Paranoid watched for narcs underneath the counter and in the booths. And
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/28/15/) - Icing? That's ain't right! "That guy is a sissy! Give me a pair of skates! Ref! How much they pay you, Ref? Sixty-two! Come up here and say that 62!" It was Thirsty Thursday at the BI-LO Center. Until 7:45, beers were a buck. The Grrrowl (Greenville's East Coast Hockey League team) was playing a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2001/12/30/14/) - One Giant Monkey Fist That's what my back is, Mr. Peterman. I've now been in constant motion for almost 12 hours. Behind me...crab dip-stuffed Anaheim peppers topped with shrimp, crab-stuffed mushrooms, maple sausage-stuffed mushrooms, cashew chicken balls, Brad's Big Balls (also known as sausage/cheese biscuits), mini chicken burritos, a semi-full bar set-up, and a clean
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/02/69/) - Fire on the New Year, White Death in the Air There is nothing quite as pretty as a mill fire at 5 o'clock in the morning. For those who don't know, Upstate South Carolina was once a bastion of the textile industry. The industry spent decades building fortresses of fibers, large towering brick structures full
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/03/68/) - Beer Thieves and Wayward Seagulls Snow allied with the Yankess long ago. It was a Northen entity at the time of the Civil War and it when it came time for the blue and the gray to fight, there's no question which side the Great White took. I'm a bit of a Yank myself (actually,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/06/67/) - Comment Away After a short absence, RER's comment section is back up and running...thanks to the good people at Rate Your Music for getting us back on track. So, feel free to comment as you like. I don't hear from enough of you people anymore. Just look below each post at the comment section and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/06/66/) - Out of Sorts I spent a few minutes this afternoon driving through a Greenville fog, listening to John Gorka, and looking at the sky. It's not the thing one wants to do if one is looking to get all rowdy. I'm a bit out of sorts, off-kilter...sideways...if you will. I dropped off my Blockbuster movies
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/06/65/) - Blogging in Columbia...South Cackalacky Well, it's about time we put this cranky old laptop to use. I'm now an hour and 45 minutes south of Mt. Willis with the wife's old laptop and no sleep ahead of me. We've checked into a Holiday Inn (no Express here, although I would like to see that old
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/07/64/) - Otis Likes His Chicken Spicy When the alarm shook me from an odd dream, I almost welcomed it. I always have bad-based dreams when I'm on the road. It was 3:15 in the morning and for 30 seconds I was happy to be awake. Then the darkness rabbit-punched me. I melted into the shower and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/08/63/) - I don't have to wear underwear... ...when I'm in my own home. That's one of the finest things about being underneath my steeply-pitched roof. I can wear sweatpants with no underwear and feel completely free from social reprisal. This likely means no more to you than a strange feeling in your stomach, but for me
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/10/62/) - Digital Target Practice If I had a semi-automatic handgun--which I don't--and a thirty-yard shooting range in may back yard--again, which I don't--my useless little phone/radio/alarm clock would be in jeopardy today. To be fair, it didn't do much of anything wrong...with the exception of working exactly as it should. It woke me up and I
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/10/99/) - Layoff Envy It's kind of like being so cold you wish you were in hell. You know you're sick in the head. You know you're doing an old fashioned "point and poke" at the people who told you to be careful what you wish for. But, the envy is there and there's no real way
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/11/98/) - Charter Cable, Charter Communications, A Wired World Company, Dan Aykroyd That is for the benefit of anyone who might be using a search engine to look for any of the above items. Last night my mood deteriorated into something akin to three squirells fighting over one nut in a wool sock. I cut myself on
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/14/97/) - At Ease We were mired in the rubber match of a three-game Euchre melee when the army-dressed man clumped down the stairs. His combat boots made a distinctive knock on the old wooden stairs. It was about the only thing that kept us from calling trump and finishing that game. MD was home...at least for
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/15/96/) - When the clock is ticking... ...the mind of a soon-to-be-married man can get messy. Any man who has been through the year before and the year after The Big Day know this to be true: There is no way to plan for what you fiancee or wife might do or say. You can read books,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/15/121/) - Home The feeling of spikey bike pedals digging into my bare feet was never enough to keep me from riding. It was summertime and it always felt like Home. And there were few better feelings than shoving my sore feet into the freshly cut grass on my parent's lawn. It was easy to call that
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/16/120/) - That Place After a day staring at a blank computer screen and tapping my fingers next to the keyboard, I now realize I have entered that place again. It's not dark or light. It's a breezy, gray place. When I try to look out of it, it's like I'm looking through cheese cloth at a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/17/119/) - "I divide all readers into two classes: Those who read to remember and those who read to forget." --William Phelps While that quote may be telling about readers, you could probably substitute a lot of words for"read" and have just as true of a statement. Try "drink." It works just as well. When I read
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/18/118/) - Bad Ju-Ju Something is in the air and Phil Collins can't feel it. I'm not a big believer in the supernatural, but in the last few years I've developed a strange sense for an odd tilt to our little world. I have no idea what is going to happen. I don't even know that something
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/21/117/) - Additions My blogging mind is on a bit of a hiatus right now. I expect it back by late afternoon. In the meantime, if you came here looking for something new to read or look at... I've added about 15 new pictures to the Mt. Willis cam. You'll be happy to know that none of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/21/116/) - Cold engine Creativity has an engine and for me it runs on a fuel of sleeplessness. I've always wondered why I'm a mental sloth on the weekends. Some would attribute it to the hops and barley coursing through my veins. I think it has more to do with being well-rested. My creative neurons went on
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/21/115/) - Think good thoughts I was getting ready to shut down for the night and watch some ball. Then I decided to make one last run through blog-ville. I clicked on the newest blogger among my group of friends (also one of my great friends from here) looking for some sports enthusiasm (because that's what you
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/22/114/) - Caps I am no Paul Newman. I'm not a hustler. I'm not a shark. And I'm not good at much of anything that requires specific gaming skills. But don't tell my South Carolina friends that, because as the cobwebs clear, and their synapses start to re-fire...they refuse to believe that they didn't get hustled. Last
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/23/113/) - Hide your money and head for the hills The Bad Ju-Ju has arrived. England is under seige. A so-called "vomiting bug" has set up camp around Buckingham Palace and is threatening to cover the Big Ben and Parliament (look, kids!) with projectile puke. A London rag reports: "From Scotland to the South Coast, offices and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/24/112/) - They sky is falling and so is my level of optimism Outside, the ceiling is gray, the ground is wet, and the North Carolinians are afraid. There is a certain uneasiness mixed in with the two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen. The raindrops are performing useless CPR on our air supply. Passing cold and warm
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/25/95/) - Enough of this Bad Ju-Ju be gone. There is only so long a feeling of uneasiness can hang in the air without falling under its own weight. The wet still fell from the heavens as I went to bed last night. I wasn't optimistic. I had stepped on the lawn to pick up a news
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/27/94/) - Concious Evolution and the Man of Constant Sorrow Last night was a bit of a live music coup for my group of friends. We had tickets to "Down From the Mountain" and were fortunate to have them. The show sold out in 48 hours. We had pretty good seats, too. Dr. Ralph Stanley wasn't far
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/28/93/) - Damn it I'm not sure if there are many jobs like mine. More to the point, I'm not sure if there are many bosses like mine. Just as my dancing synapses have pulled the spark plugs on my desire to play this game anymore, my boss goes and tells a war story. I guess every
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/29/92/) - The Syndicate In the late 1980's Willard, MO boasted a population of around 2000 people. At the time it had no traffic lights, no chain eateries, and more churches than gas stations. Arthur was Deputy Barney Fife without the single bullet. He patroled the few square miles of town in a run-down cruiser, busting kids
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/01/30/91/) - 1931 1931 Juniper Circle was as clean as it needed to be. It had one bottle of 409 and one cannister of Scrubbing Bubbles (love those guys). One day we bought something called Toilet Duck so we could quack while we cleaned. But, for a duplex filled with smelly college guys...a clean salt water fish
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/01/80/) - Forget the whales...SAVE THE CROTCH I'm on the verge of real tears here, so you'll have to forgive me if I choke up. I can handle the football challenge system. Three point line...I love it. Restrictor plates on NASCAR cars...those boys were moving to fast anyway. But I am a neo-purist and nobody...especially not some
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/05/79/) - "The Death Penalty is Great!" Yeah, that's what she said. I'm currently two days-deep into my third death penalty trial. Jury selection is an arduous process. It is certainly not pleasant at all. Attorneys on both sides of the courtroom pull out the teeth of potential jurors, give them gum disease, then stick the teeth
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/07/78/) - If we were all just doing drugs and having sex... ...then we'd all be smiling on on our brothers. At least, that's what video historians of the 60's would have us believe. That's the problem with my generation. We have a perception that we missed out on the naked, puddle-swimming, have clean sex in a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/08/77/) - Weekend in Court Day five in the trial of accused trooper-killer John Wood. The jury checked into its hotel today and I'm about to check into mine...it's called the Greenville County Courthouse. There is no weekend for the weary. My creative mind is so wrapped in courtroom protocol that I don't have much to report
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/11/76/) - Guilty I woke up Saturday morning and I have slept about nine hours since then. I have a lengthy court case and an all-night poker game to thank. After four and half days of testimony, a Greenville County jury found John Wood guilty of killing a state trooper. Until I get my head back, I
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/12/75/) - Happy Mardi Gras I can smell the muck on the floor of Checkpoint Charlie's. I can see the blue flames licking a sugared lemon atop a shot of grain alcohol. I can hear my late friend John dictating in a microcassette reporter (ala Hunter Thompson) as we stumble out of the bar and into the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/18/74/) - Back The 12-fingered, 12-toed baby gurgled. I sat in what I started calling the Media Hole (a partitioned hallway's end, inhabited by several bleary-eyed reporters) and listened to the infant babble, gurgle, and slobber. I didn't know it had 24 digits. I only knew I had a job to do and the baby was distracting
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/19/73/) - How's this for honest? I can't hold my pee-pee There's been a lot of debate recently among my blogging pals (see left) about the honesty of our blogs. Some say we hold too much back when we write in this public forum. Well, try this on like a tight pair of high school jeans...I almost
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/20/101/) - My Entire Life Revolves Around a Urinal Shortly after posting my honest pee-pee story, my high school chum Brad called. He was laughing. He knows my pee-pee problems. In high school, Brad, Gary, Danny and I would race to the senior hallway men's room after gym class and take our appropriate space in front of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/21/100/) - An idealist's demise It was summer and the long-haired, crooked-nosed idealist was waking up at 3:00 pm...again. The sunlight was forcing its way through the smallest cracks of his mini-blinds. The young man rolled his bad breath away from his drool-soaked pillow and thanked his bed for letting him rest on his ideals for one
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/21/72/) - Don't listen to me There is no way a Cop Shop beat reporter from Greenville, South Carolina can memorialize Wall Street Journal Asian Bureau reporter Daniel Pearl. "Harm's Way" is a phrase I use to describe the local cops' workplace. It is not a place I've been. My worst experience overseas was a French hostel
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/22/71/) - The Disorganization Nation Leaders at Mt. Willis have been in heated talks with nearby Disorganization Nation for eight weeks now. It began in late December with several black-ops missions into Mt. Willis offices. Mt. Willis security forces were suffering under a post-holiday malaise and let down their collective guard for a few days. It gave
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/25/70/) - Paternity Scoop looked up with eyes that said, "Okay, that's enough." The redbrown mutt that wraps me around her sharp claws at every opportunity was tired. She had given up on following me around the house and had curled up on a messed up bed. She doesn't get tired very often. She runs pedal-down all
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/26/60/) - Why Women Don't Understand Us My mind has been in meltdown recently, in part, because of women's bodies. While perhaps the greatest creation ever--with the curves, the rises, the falls--women's bodies are perhaps the most complex piece of machinery ever conceived. It is that complexity of mind, spirit, and physical health that turns men's brains
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/27/59/) - Frozen Nose Holes It occurred to me this afternoon. I stood in a crematory parking lot and marveled at the 1500 degree temperature inside the incinerator. That's hot. As I contemplated the incinerator's ability to get so hot it actually burns away the dead body smoke before it hits the chimney, a 22 degree wind
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/02/28/58/) - Medium on the Mount Statistics show that most of you read this site between 9am and 2pm Monday through Friday. That means, as you read this, I am covering one of the oddest stories of my short career. A little background first: Jason was a freshman at a local university. He drove up to a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/04/373/) - The Elitist I own a foreign SUV, a suburban tract home, and a pound puppy mutt. I bought a suit at the mall this weekend. I am about as far from an elitist as you can get. Yet, that is not what many of my friends would have you believe. Some say I am a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/05/372/) - Leaving the building Elvis is finally calling it quits. Not one moment too soon as far as I'm concerned. In the last year or so, I've had no emotional attachment to the quarterback of too-few-vowels. He left Arrowhead Stadium to a chorus of "screw you's" and rightfully so. Finally, he is letting the much-maligned Ravens
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/06/371/) - Numb Noodle My think-noodle grew numb about five years ago. That was about the time I started waking up with the rest of the world instead of the rest of the drunks. When I was a nightowl daysleeper, the noodle worked constantly. During the afternoon, I was productive. Late at night, I was creative, During
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/07/370/) - Pear Boy The mustard-based BBQ sauce dripped through my fingers and onto a plate full of slaw-droppings and baked beans. I'm sure the sauce was collecting in the corner of my mouth. I might have had some on my forehead. Free BBQ is hard to come by unless you live in Neshoba County, MS during
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/11/369/) - Value The man's head reflected the bar's dim light He announced his name over the small PA system. "I'm the Fat White Boy and you're at Johnny's Beanery," he said across a small bar filled with rickety tables and cheap beer drunks. Some were students. Some Wal-Mart employees. One was an old guy who the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/13/368/) - Madness and the Modern Man My brackets are in about six pieces. I can't see straight. What's worse, my town has the madness and it's turning into malevolence. The NCAA Tourament invaded Greenville this week. Our local arena outfitted itself with NCAA logos. Parking Nazis started patrolling the town borders looking for drivers who have
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/15/367/) - Sheep's got the Moo If you mix one part madness with two parts Woo...you've got the Moo. I admit...I was skeptical about the appeal of having first and second round tournament games in town. It had all the components of a full scale horrorshow. Parking cops sprang from demon seeds, lackluster teams invaded my personal
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/18/366/) - Black Tie Optional I opted to wear a silver tie. I wasn't about to rent or buy a tux. A co-worker had given my wife and I the $120-a-plate tickets for the American Diabetes Association gala. I went...reluctantly. Galas aren't my bag. I walked into a room full of men in tuxedos. I shouldn't have
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/20/365/) - Privacy Sitting in the back of the dirty bar is a table full of smiling people. They have hats pulled down over their eyes and bottles pulled up their lips. They are sitting close to the back door. It makes quick escape a possiblity. The table is covered in spent beer bottles and scraps of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/21/364/) - When the wind won't blow... ...there ain't much to distract me. The house won't stink, the dog won't bark, and the wife won't redecorate. It's a little after midnight and the rain is falling straight down. There's no Spring breeze to push it on to the window and remind me that I don't really want
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/21/363/) - Seven years ain't that long The young men who will play the game tonight in San Jose (10:15pm EST) were junior high or high school students when two other teams established the importance of their roles. They were the street game on-lookers when those older men established an unlikely rivalry between West Coast and Midwest.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/22/383/) - Giving Up the Ghosts It was 2AM before I could even consider sleep. When my exhausted head finally let me drift off, I no longer saw his face. That smiling Tyus Edney is no longer a ghost that haunts my Tiger fan-dom. He's just a face and a bad memory. We, of course, will never
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/24/224/) - Shutterbug with a Blog So, I got a digital camera. After months of searching, I decided on the one I liked in the beginning...an Olympus D-510....just like Su's. Above are a couple of my first few pictures. I turned them black and white...just because.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/25/61/) - Spring Maybe it is the way the gold lights up the bedroom at 7:30 AM. Maybe it is the way that work no longer feels like a nine-hour chore and instead feels like nine hours of a job (I don't think it will ever return to eight hours of excitement). Maybe it is the way
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/03/28/81/) - Boycott! No wait... It began almost a month ago...a department store ONE DAY SALE! I needed a suit and purchased one in good faith. Alterations would be finished in a week, the confused sales clerk told me. Two weeks passed. No call. When I inquired, I discovered my suit had been lost. Actually, the store
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/01/379/) - Your April Fool The Spring sun cut slyly through the mini-blinds, a voyeur before the internet made voyeurism a public pastime. It was an April Fools Day sun falling on the greatest April Fool of them all. I did not look at a calender that morning. I knew it was 1991. I knew I was
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/02/378/) - The Drought Upstate South Carolina is a mass of red clay. The banks of our lakes are longer and wider than they used to be. Boat docks are now picnic tables, underwater forests are dangerous midwater pilings. No matter how hard the skies spit, the drought is one mean mother. High winds spark red flag
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/04/377/) - Just call me Ace Sometimes great ideas spring from a title. Something like a guy thinking, "You know, 'War and Peace' would be a great title for a book. Maybe I should write that." That happened on a much grander scale in the early 1990's. A man named Dunning (he went by several pseudonyms, including
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/05/391/) - A man who appreciates a porch I require a porch...or a deck...or a slab of concrete. I require a nearby fridge...a trusty cooler...or a big tub of ice. I require sunshine...soulshine...or moonshine. Spring is a slinky, ladies and gentlemen and Daylight Saving Time is upon us. That means BBQ's, late night drink-sipping, and games of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/08/390/) - An Apology I owe all of my frequent readers an apology. You've been reading real tripe here for the last few weeks and I have no excuse (although i'm about to offer several). I made myself a deal when I started writing this thing. Write as often as you can. Write even when you don't
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/09/389/) - Stop and think... My dad has a lot of brothers. There's the mysterious one that I have come to believe is either a CIA operative or an American connection to South American drug lords. There's the one who gets married once every half decade. There's the one I never see and if I do, it
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/10/388/) - The Quest For Otis I am an idiot. Nicknames--especially those we give ourselves--mean nothing. They are quick pseudonyms that are only used to hide the fact you don't know someone's real name....or you don't like the name they carry around. In college, we had one too many Mark's. We started calling one Monk. I'd still
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/10/387/) - Important changes A couple of things regular readers may want to pay attention to... One...I have changed my comments provider. I like this system better and it doesn't crash as often. Take a look and comment as you like. Editor's note...I switched back to my original provider after my new provider crashed...but the look has
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/12/386/) - Three Years Last night, I stepped into a smokeless room and saw the aging, pudgy man with glasses on stage. He had a Fender Strat strapped across his chest and a hitch in his voice that was impossible to not remember. A lot has changed since the last time I saw this guy. I've moved
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/16/385/) - Shut up, shut up, shut up A quick confession before we begin...I am a sucker for talk radio. It's a rabid conservative in the morning, a Libertarian in the afternoon, and a smart left coaster in the evening. I don't even really like the stuff (with the exception of a few guests on the Hugh
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/18/384/) - From South Carolina to Texas... ...the crazed 25 year-old drove with the eyes of technology following him the entire way. He drove his father's car. His roommate drove the other family ride. Their long trek would end in a sleepy Texas town in the middle of Crockett County. The elderly couple obviously didn't see anything
- [Indian Joe and Why I’m Nuts](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/22/indian-joe-and-why-im-nuts/) - I was alone in a dirty little cabin somewhere in the middle of my home state. I was a college student and working for the middle-Missouri NBC affiliate. It was really dark. Everywhere. My camera batteries were on charge. I had one beer in me (all I would let myself drink in the town's only
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/24/375/) - Tipping over In one part of the suburb without a city a man who speaks little English is stuffing guacamole and chimichangas into a plastic sack. Across town a woman with short hair is stuffing a chicken salad sandwich and a baked chicken salad into a similar bag. When they are finished, they both get
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/04/29/374/) - Rip Start My lawn mower (some would call it a grass cutter) has a priming problem. The priming bubble has a hole in it. It doesn't make a lot of difference to me. I learned quickly about the joys of starting fluid. It is an aerosol crystal meth for engines. A couple of shots, one
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/01/326/) - Damn it Mired in self-loathing, bleeding from all of my four major appendages (keep your snide comments to yourself, bucky), and cursing my lack of athletic ability I drove back to Mt. Willis last night. My two major errors in right-center field played a large part in our softball team's loss. Routine pop flies should
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/02/325/) - Tit for Tat At a time when most young men were piercing their ears, I was afraid of panties. My dad--always a good negotiator--offered me a compromise. I could get my ear pierced if I agreed to wear panties for the rest of the time I lived under his roof. At the time, that seemed
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/05/324/) - The Life of Reilly I find myself touched sometimes by a the wail of a voice in the middle of a perfect song, by particular phrase turned just right--not over the top--at just the right moment, and by a private look, delivered when no one else can see. And today, I find myself touched by
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/06/323/) - Potential I was only mildly distracted by Mary Jane's chest during the rain scene of Spiderman. Somebody back in the nation's salad years said comic books were the top of a slippery slope that led to pornography. And while "slippery" is not a word I like to consider in this particular context, Spiderman's rain scene
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/09/322/) - Killing the fluffy bunnies The Germans didn't learn from Napolean and we didn't listen to ol' Nappy Ulcer Boy either. And we're all about to pay for it. While we may not freeze to death in Russian winter, we have certainly walked down the road of overextension and we are about to reach the great
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/10/348/) - Salve for your fear, ointment for your loathing Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised that my last entry (see below) struck a power chord with my few but tenacious readers. The comments section is bulging. Upon reading the comments I decided that I probably should've given you something a little lighter with which to jump
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/14/347/) - Strap me in and take off I didn't think much about it until this morning when the talk radio alarmists were giving the Fox News alarmists a lot of credit for a new way to alarm people. In the next six months, I will strap myself into an airplane for a minimum of four trips,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/15/346/) - "I think I'll find me a younger woman." Never...ever...say this to your wife. Age probably didn't mean much to James and Sara when she was 20 and he was 19. It was a different time and a few months is a short bridge for a trip from fancy to passion. It was the middle of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/16/345/) - Don't tell me I'm going to die President George Bush knew that the world's most prolific terrorist was planning to hijack an airliner. Attorney General John Ashcroft was advised to stop flying commercial airlines for the rest of his term. The FBI knew that several Muslims were taking flying lessons. And for some reason we're
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/21/344/) - Rocket Man and the search for human truths Who would think that Elton John could inspire such laughter? Who would think I would ever inspire such...nevermind. The simple fact is this: I am living in a state of suspended frivolity that will break out of its shell in a matter of 48 hours. It is
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/28/343/) - Um...uh... Sometimes I make funny noises. The one that makes me giggle more often than not is an unsettling sort of gurgle (a la David Letterman/Butthead) that is closely associated with a deep un-understanding of something I am trying to accomplish. Now back down the Mountain, my head has not yet cleared from four days
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/29/382/) - Uh...let's try this again I've spent the last few days on a constant hydration drip. I picked up a book to poke a few synapses in the eye. I think I'm on the verge of thinking again. I won't bore non-LEAFer's with a weekend narrative. But it should be pointed out, I am a changed
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/29/381/) - A little of my weekend For those who care...and maybe for those who do not. T and Patti, makin' him a daddy Mary M. looking as cute as she can Me and Chelle at the main stage Chelle at camp C-fate relaxing after the Advance team assault Late, late at night...the drum circle by firelight
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/05/31/380/) - Blogger is giving me the red ass... Nevertheless...I'm a plane to Chicago in a few minutes and my mother is worried about me, although she won't say it. I think she's afraid of giant flying bombs on their way to big cities. I am not.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/03/361/) - The Accidental Tourist It would've been very easy for my anniversary gift to my wife to end up in fatal failure. I bought her a plane ticket for a very short trip to Chicago (I was already there for a business trip). And then, as if I had spent weeks planning the perfect evening...the night
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/03/360/) - Summer fruit and the dust bowl children Sometime around the time John Belushi was finding a way to make himself a tragic hero, I sweating my pre-pubescent balls off. In the early years, we were not a family of means. We were staunchly middle class. We lived in a one-story ranch in a lower middle
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/05/359/) - Freon, fear, a faux-pimps Heat exhaustion took on a new meaning last night. I stripped to my boxers, collapsed on top of the sheets, and begged a higher power to knock me unconcious. Three consecutive nights in a tract-home sauna took their toll. I stopped thinking about how selfish I was being...you know, when the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/06/358/) - The morality of mauling I just watched terrorists saw off Daniel Pearl's head. A Boston alternative 'zine decided to run the whole fucking video. Daniel Pearl talking. Daniel Pearl being attacked. Daniel Pearl's head hanging from a terrorist's hand. You won't find much a bigger a proponent of Freedom of the Press. It should go
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/10/357/) - Southern politics You don't have to be a southerner to understand southern politics, but it helps if you have lived below the Mason-Dixon line for a few years. I have lived in the South since 1997. Since then I have watched an Attorney General play himself in a movie. I have heard a Governor (after
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/12/356/) - If politicians were purple... ...I'd be in the middle of a Jimi Hendrix acid trip. Good gamblers, hard drinkers, and hard-line truck drivers know the feeling in my head very well. It is a state of hypervigilance. Wide-eyed sleep. Dreamscapes of pure reality butressed by occasional hallucinations. I've spent the last 48 hours in constant
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/17/355/) - Braves WIN! Team Nissan (an Xterra-van of two vehicles and ten people) had a mission. A two hour trip for a three hour game in a city that prides itself as much on being a part of the New South as it does it ability to drive really fast and go nowhere. Team Nissan was
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/18/354/) - A PhD, a reporter, and a rodeo clown I was not the best looking. Nor was I the most likely to succeed. My only distinction: I was the high school senior male with the coolest car. At least that's how the yearbook read. In a town where muscle men took pride in their muscle cars,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/19/353/) - The bottle let me down It was 3AM and the LED indicator at my bedside was starting to giggle a little bit. It doesn't get much attention on normal nights. Much like my dog and wife, it longs for a few extra meaningful glances a day that I for some reason neglect to give. In
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/20/352/) - Missing: Reason Sixth grade could barely hold me and my parents had to feel lucky we only lived a block from my elementary school. I was an adventured-minded skinny kid and probably should've gotten in a lot more trouble than I ever did. There were a couple of routes to school for me. Both led
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/24/351/) - Ah...damn it If you haven't heard yet about the St. Louis Cardinals pitcher who died this past weekend...he was 33 and supposedly in pretty darned good health. He died in the same hotel I slept in a couple of weeks ago. I am going to die. I am not afraid of death. When I go,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/27/350/) - Much to say But no time to say it. Hopefully I will soon blog on the following subjects: *A New Southern Republican? *The Pledge of In God We Trust *All My Rowdy Friends *Puking and its therapeutic qualities But...no time. At least for now.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/06/28/349/) - Bradoween Eve I don't love myself. In fact, I find my demeanor generally unpleasant. That notwithstanding, I created a holiday for myself. Given, I had a little help from a good buddy of mine. He agreed that I needed a holiday. He helped me with the concept. It's called Bradoween. I'll spare you the long
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/01/433/) - Bradoween--The Fallout Party lasts until 5AM--Shot Count Still Uncertain (Greenville, SC) Authorities are still trying to piece together the events of June 29th and 30th. What police are calling Bradoween kept neighbors awake until Sunday morning, scared the neighborhood animals, and left a strange odor lurking about the Greenville suburban neighborhood. The official guest count
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/04/403/) - Independence Day I am a punk of the first order. Yet, I have the best friends in the world. I have a family that will support me in any way I like. I know nothing of oppression, save the heat and humidity of Mississippi summers. I know nothing of slavery, save the poor wages of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/05/432/) - So, beginning on the first day of the kingdom of Mt. Willis fiscal year...these new laws shall be enacted: *MANDANTORY NUDITY FRIDAYS--On each second Friday, of each second month all denizens of Mt. Willis shall be nude for a period of eight waking hours. *THE FOUR-DAY WORK WEEK--On each first Friday of each month, denizens
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/05/431/) - Libertarianism and naughty despots If I had a town crier and a particularly tall tower, I would send that little monkey up the stairs to declare, "The Naughty Despot from the kingdom of Mt. Willis speaks today...NO NEW LAWS! Hear ye, hear ye...NO NEW LAWS in the kingdom of Mt. Willis. The Naughty Despot has
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/08/430/) - Good times If you live in a world of selfish disregard for yourself and others, you don't see it. You don't see the sideways looks, exasperated sighs, or veiled references of general disgust. Simply put...recognition of your selfishness spells its doom. And who wants to give up on living a life just for himself? It
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/09/429/) - Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie I looked like the bored husband and my wife wasn't even there. I had draped myself over the handle-end of a shopping cart and the only thing keeping me moving was the ever-so-slow rules of gravity. The more I leaned, the more the shopping cart went. I was
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/11/428/) - Culley's Pub Every man of proper stock has a bar in each of his chosen home towns where he feels comfortable. In Greenville, SC, mine is the Corner Pocket. In Columbia, MO it was Johnny's Beanery. And in Springfield MO, it was Culley's Pub. I probably didn't spend as many hours in Culley's as I
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/12/427/) - Predicting the future I turned off the TV. When they are re-running cooking shows and the TV news sounds like a re-run, it's time to find a new form of entertainment. I finished the book I was reading and went looking for another. Nothing piqued my interest. I came in the office to write and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/15/426/) - Age and the Monkey Man Twenty-eight years old and I'm already experiencing unexplained maladies. Years of self-abuse (no snickering, please) have apparently led to a minor body revolt. For the past 16 hours, I've had a giant monkey fist pounding on the muscles under my right shoulder blade. Primates--especially those with big fists--are no joke,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/16/425/) - Marching to the finish line A ponderable for you this morning: If an atheist and a politician both march to Washington, which one will get to hell first? Conservative talk radio couldn't control itself this morning. Word of a Godless Americans March (what great GAMs they have!) sent our local right-winger into a tizzy. His
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/18/424/) - On the Death Clock I'll be blogging occasionally--but not regularly--for the next few days. I'm covering a death penalty trial and am away from computers most of the time. Be good until I return.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/22/423/) - The News Man It is a common judge's admonition: "If you feel you cannot contain your emotions when the sentence is read, please leave the courtroom. Any outburst will be contempt of this court and I will have you incarcerated." What is not so common is the raw emotion surrounding a capital murder case. Even
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/23/458/) - On tolerance She looked emaciated and tired. And she looked at me with suspicious eyes. I didn't belong there. My two o'clock shadow and decidedly masculine voice should have stopped me at the back door. She walked around me, making sure to keep a good distance between us, and asked an employee for the key
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/25/392/) - My porn Men tend to fantasize about that of which they are not getting enough at home. You'll find them melted into the padded rail on the stage at Jugs-o-Rama. You'll find them slipping into and out of shady places that cater to people with outlandish fetishes. You'll find them slipping their wedding rings into
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/29/327/) - Primal scream I have to imagine the caveman was one of the most emotionally balanced of all bipeds. Cave is messy? Scream a little bit. Dinosaurs making a mess of the front yard? Scream a little more. Former babbling brook becomes raging river that prevents movement to the hunting fields? Scream a lot. To put
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/07/31/362/) - The Return of Ju-Ju The heat slithered into our air a few weeks ago and its been giving us the ol' what-for for the better part of that time. Sweat is wrinkling our shirts. Sunburns are creasing our skin. Humidity is turning our hair to birds' nests. And if the heat hasn't made its way
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/01/407/) - Square pegs I'm sure the guy's company had a name. I'm sure he had a name. We never knew either of them. We simply called him the Ding-Ding man. That was the sound his ice-cream Jeep's bell made as he idled down Yulan Drive. Ding-ding, ding-ding. If we had the change and a taste for
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/02/406/) - Friday Fun-Licking My colleagues were understandably confused. I bounded into the office with this phrase: "Get ready for some Friday fun-licking!" The lady who sits next to me gave me a half-curious look over her shoulder then returned to her desktop. The guy who sits behind me raised his eyebrows. I think I've said enough
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/06/405/) - Pride It was dark as we made our way through a lake of hippies. The scents of ultra-content people rose above the soccer-field-turned-campground. All around us, drums tripped and popped, smoke drifted through the tents, and laughter exploded from a campsite in the middle of the field. I would soon meet a man named Daly
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/07/404/) - Inflate this Not much time for good writing here so I'l keep my seathing to a minimum. While working on a highly technical investigative story on South Carolina education funding I found myself using an inflation calulator. Curiosity started sucking on my brain through a straw. "What if," the morbid little bastard of a personality
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/08/442/) - The touch, the feel of Otis Open your door and breath in the tailgate weather. It's the smell of early-morning beer-drinking, brats on the grill, the pigskin flying through dewy air. It's the sound of a co-eds laugh, of a football cheer, of a keg tap being screwed to its home. I stepped into that
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/12/441/) - Clockwork The calendar pages have flipped by like a time-lapsed scene of an old Western. I hadn't seen some of the guys in several years. They've had kids. They've been married and divorced. They've become big shots in their own right. They are spread out all over the country. They all converged on St. Louis
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/12/440/) - Sometimes someone else will say it for you If you've been feeling culturally void recently...read this
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/13/439/) - Revolt I opened the fridge and noticed that the leftovers had formed an off-Broadway version of "Annie Get Your Gun." The rotting chicken was playing Buffalo Bill. I think Tom Wopat might have been in there somewhere. It was a good indication that I have been paying far too little attention to the homestead. I
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/14/438/) - Inebriated at work The reason I don't take medicine during my regular daily life is that it typically makes me feel a lot like I feel at 2am on a Saturday morning after a long night of partying. Sometimes, though, the illness takes hold and demands medication. I'm now on a drug that simultaneously acts
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/16/437/) - On the mend "I'm going to try to put you somewhere between the scene and the sun." Maybe it was the cold medicine. Maybe it was the altitude. But that phrase seemed like poetry to me, despite the fact it was muttered by my helicopter pilot. I spent the next few hours mulling that phrase
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/19/436/) - The Focal Point Airborne electricty fried my TV. One minute it was on. The next it was not. I wept for a few seconds. Then I decided never to watch television again. It all sucks anyway. Then the DT's started. I shook all the way to Circuit City. People who maintain a penis will accept
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/21/462/) - The Speech Each day I stand in front of thousands of people and tell them things I think they need to know. I speak for two to four minutes and end with the unspoken promise that I'll be back the next day with something else to tell them. Despite the fact that I'm standing in
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/22/461/) - Truth Check: Troglodyte It's a case of "I can call my girlfriend a bitch, but you cannot." Normally I don't use this forum to discuss political issues in my adopted home state. However, this struck was as funny. From the Marin (CA) Independent Journal... A Republican candidate for U.S. Senate from South Carolina demanded an
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/27/460/) - Uh-oh...I'm awake It was too many hours ago that I started awake. A dream-vision (nothing akin to my dream girl, by the way) had touched my knee in a provocative way and pointed a finger toward what she described as a "Gentleman's Entrance" to an upstairs watering hole. I was seconds away from devining her
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/28/459/) - The Hitchin' Through a lens of pride and amber (that's hops, barley, and maybe some rice to you and me) I watched a weekend that I will never forget. However, just in case age or alcohol takes a toll on my brain, I took a few pictures. Unfortunately, I took just that...a few. Here are
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/29/435/) - One Year When I graduated from high school I had but one spoken aspiration...I would be a G-Man, an FBI agent specializing in behavioral psychology. I would study the minds of the most twisted of individuals. I would know evil. That may have been the last life plan I ever spoke out loud. Somewhere in
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/08/30/434/) - See this? It's my middle finger Let us commence with the Cable Guy's Lament. Let us commit immoral acts in the face of Charter Cable, Charter High Speed Internet Access, and the cable industry as a whole (or is that "hole?"). Let us extend our middle fingers and breathe an extended sigh of untold relief.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/02/415/) - The Kid Fans of University of Missouri football are long suffering. Somehow the ball never falls on the right side of the goal line. Whether the referees give their opponent a fifth down or whether a kicked ball in the end zone results in a last minute loss against the number one team in the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/04/414/) - Notice: Women Welcome Trace yourself along the gently sloping curves, the rises and falls, soft in places and hard in others. Slip into a place so serene and respected that it seems almost dirty to associate it with such scandal. Those slopes, curves, rises and falls are hard ashphalt roads and dirty, gravel short cuts
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/05/413/) - Sheriff Sam Simmons...September 16th, 1952--September 4th, 2002 A man who championed road safety, a man married to a woman who dedicated her life to reducing the number of wrecks on the road...died tonight in a car wreck. Late note...Simmons suffered from advanced coronary artery disease that led to a massive heart attack and eventually an
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/06/412/) - (continued from above) A guitarist threw his guitar into the crowd. Remember, Tesla and Skid Row are not rich bands anymore. They can't afford to be throwing away instruments. The band didn't care, but the roadies did. Two guys dove into the audience, exasperation on their faces, and emerged with the guitar. A bassist started
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/06/411/) - Um...what the hell was that? You'll find me on many nights strumming an acoustic guitar. Folk or bluegrass music will usually spill from my stereo speakers. Maybe a little rockabilly if I'm feeling saucy. But there was a time when ripped blue jeans and ripping guitar soloes dominated my musical life. Last night I tried
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/09/410/) - Organization Nation I've tried just about everything. Spreadsheets, computer programs, one failed experiment with an abacus, and hiring my dog as an accountant. Nothing worked. I am a mass of unorganized personal business. I might be able to accept it if I didn't have such skill in organizing the lives of others. Give me a
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/10/409/) - Code Orange The United State government has shifted all Americans to an Orange level of alert. Open your eyes. Don't be afraid. If you care to think about colors, think about red, white, blue, desert camouflage. Save the oranges for the Florida farmer. Save the orange for your garden. Save your orange for the foothills
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/11/401/) - ...remember... Blogging will resume Thursday. --bw
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/12/400/) - Mortality Paranoia Last night I hid from death under a comforter. In a moment of pure death paranoia, I decided to go to sleep instead of dying while awake. Does death fear a sleeping 28 year old man? I don't fear external factors. If I get shot, I get shot. If the West Nile comes
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/14/399/) - Self-diagnosis and the art of denial After a couple of days of sheer paranoia and fearing certain death, I have determined through hours of internet research that I am dealing with latent anxiety, fueled by a high level of caffeine, and made worse by indigestion and being generally out of shape. The aches and pains
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/16/398/) - Bound only by conscience... ...we, a barely-motley crew of semi-adults, are bound for Las Vegas. Still...72 hours separates us from our mission. They are hours that will not pass quickly. They are 72 hours where we will be forced to consider why we are going. We will be forced to defend our motivations. We will
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/18/397/) - Up here (pointing to my noggin') I'm already there... Friends, Rapid Eye Reality is taking a brief hiatus. Everyone be safe and watch out for Tropical Storm Izzy (my pet name for the soon-to-be hurriance). Wish you all were with us in Vegas. --BW
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/23/396/) - Smiling...but glad to be home Back...many stories and memories. Much to tell about one of the finest trips a guy can take. No time to tell it. But this moral...it sometimes takes a trip like this to help you remember how much you love everybody. Your wife, your friends, and even your dog.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/25/395/) - Fatigue of the highest order Emeril was bamming in front of me. His food must have been some form of ambrosia. My wife was breathing next to me. What she had to offer...we'll not discuss that. Everything seemed ripe for a night of carnal pleasure. Then I felt the nudge. "Huh?" I said, a little
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/26/394/) - The Wilted Wootler Parents have covered their child's eyes at the sight. Dainty women have run into the street to avoid it. My wife has threatened physical violence if I didn't put them away. My Wootlers are things to behold. First, so we're all on the same page, I'll need you to form a Wootler
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/29/393/) - Listening to the homily If there can be shotgun homes, I was in a shotgun church last night. Long, skinny, full of stained glass and large organ pipes. The wedding soloist didn't need a microphone. The acoustics were as you might expect them to be in a mountain Episcopal church. Typically, weddings are for following
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/09/30/408/) - Could it happen here? It's the hackneyed tease line to every bad TV story. "Rabid marmoset hijacks bus load of school children. Could it happen here?" "Mother Theresa dies. Could it happen here?" "My toe feels funny. Could it happen here?" But, a good friend in New York sent me a clip from the New
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/02/244/) - Eying it up I must be a Grade A idiot. Hurricane Lili (in certain parts of the South, that's Hurrikun Lili) currently gusts at 165 mph. She threatens to turn from a Category 4 to Category 5 storm, turning sand into bullets, bayous into oceans, casinos into splinters. She is a tight, raging bitch and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/07/243/) - Feeling sideways Sometimes I wish I were one of those people who doesn't dream. This morning, my wife nudged me out of a powerful dream involving serial killers, rich benefactors, high school reunions, a father's love, an unknown crush, a teacher's martial infidelity with a student, missed birthdays, fear of the future, and a big
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/07/242/) - Obviously... ...there are some issues. And I'm not only talking about my psyche. We here at Mt. Willis had a minor crash that has meant the demise of the Mt. Willis Cam for the time being. Currently the managers at Mt. Willis are considering whether to rebuild the Mt. Willis cam alone or to embark
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/08/265/) - Animation My dog, though a dainty little bitch, goes by the name Bubba Franks on Monday nights. She's a pretty good tight end (great with the ten yard curl patterns) but not so good when it comes to a wide receiver's duties. A child's clown bank sits on the top of my computer. It only
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/11/264/) - The Bowler and The Eyewitness Karrie's Kafe has about the best chicken salad in Upstate South Carolina. Karrie's is about two miles from where I work. My travel time between the greatest chicken salad and my desk and back...about five total minutes. In that time I counted 18 different white vans. As the Washington D.C.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/14/263/) - The Good Big Brother Beer cups at your feet, revelers around you, street lamps painting your beer-flushed face, you have no expectation of privacy. You stand, inebriated, on a street corner. You are not at home. In your underwear, unshaven, bleary-eyed and wandering, you body surf the web. You bigfoot through the etheral streets and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/15/262/) - Armchair cop, armchair reporter I was an invisible as a man who lived in a house with three other guys could be. Boxer shorts, stinky t-shirt, unshaven, surrounded by empty food containers and a funk that could only be described as...curious. I was several months deep into an O.J. Simpson vigil. I knew all the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/16/402/) - Affliction and the anti-avarice In Boston, a pretty girl with a distinctive laugh sits chained in a law school library. In Ft. Meyers, a man sits hobbled by illness. Medication and plane tickets rest on opposite sides of a delicate balance. In Greenville, a man's forehead burns at 103 degrees. The steam coming off his
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/21/422/) - Lower elevations ...back down from the mountain with freshly popped ears and a body begging for respite. Often after a weekend of carelessness, the responsiblities of real life seem overwhelming. Through puffy eyes I see a desk covered in muck and television screens covered with much of the same. In Virginia, Maryland, and the whole
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/22/421/) - Who (What) the Beltway Sniper Is (Isn't) A profile by a know-nothing The man (undoubtedly a man, because women are more often than not courageous in their hostility and like to be face to face with someone when they do their dirty work) is more than likely not married. Even the most naive of wives
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/24/420/) - Well how about that? That thing I said about the sniper not being stupid... Forget I said that.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/24/419/) - Where's the beef? I am destined to go down that long road. It is worn by tired feet and littered with so many discarded catch phrases that fad-clearing snow plows have to rumble through once a week. The "Where's the Beef" lady ran down that mortal coil. Mikey from Life cereal found his way back,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/26/418/)
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/28/417/) - In a strange land I didn't know what I expected. It happened so quickly that I didn't have time to form a real vision of what the New York attorney might look like. I thought he might be older, but I suspected he wouldn't be. And he wasn't. Maybe a couple of years older than
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/10/30/416/) - Paranoia If my last post seemed exceedingly vague, I apologize. See, they're out to get me. They--a shadowy group of ne'er-do-wells from the past--have set their sights on yours truly and they've chosen to scare me with Lawn Terrorism, the most vicious form of suburban warfare. They tried to get my attention last year by
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/04/271/) - Pent up This is where it gets dangerous. This is why friends, family, animals, and bosses can't completely rely on me. It's why success--if ever in my weak grasp--tends to hide in the shadows. There is a part of me, a blue-jean wearing, no-shaving, rockstar-responsiblity part of me that can only be shackled with an
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/06/270/) - The Challenger I'd like to thank you all for coming out on this rainy night. We put up a good fight. We could never have come so far without your contributions, your volunteer-spirit, and your grass-roots get out the vote effort. Just before I arrived here tonight, I phoned my opponent to congratulate him on
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/08/269/) - McVictory? Almost three years ago, I began what I call...The McBoycott. You can read about that boycott and its history here Since its institution in 1999, the McBoycott has been practiced in several states, including Hawaii. And thanks to a suggestion by my father, many of the Boycott Crew practice the McFlush (only stopping at
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/12/268/) - Mt. Willis Cam Lives After several weeks without Mt. Willis Cam, Rapid Eye Reality is happy to announce the none-too-live camera is back in operation. We begin with 25 pictures from in and around the life of RER's editor, Otis. More to come soon.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/13/267/) - Needless and needful My parents are the consumate Christmas professionals. My mother can draw an eye-popping Santa Claus. My Dad was Clark Griswold before Chevy Chase ever perfected the art of Christmas decor. Christmas at Mt. Willis was Rockwellian while other homes languished in more Orwellian tones. Santa Claus never really died. Even in the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/20/266/) - The Drunk The photographers are on amphetamines. The producers are stocked with ephedrine tabs. The sound guys are operating with a caffeine IV. The show opens with a sweeping boom shot of Mt. Willis. Jam band music slips out the poorly-sealed windows. People mill in and out of the back door. The camera magicly slides
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/21/249/) - The Springfield Connection Someone I once knew called Springfield, Missouri "a suburb without a city." Surrounded by farmland, teased by the Ozark Mountains, and built on holy limestone, Springfield is Hometown, USA. One of its most dubious traits is its ability to spawn the most average white men in the world. I happen to be
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/22/248/) - Incommunicado Life had been like a well-paved one-way street for our hero. Each step he took was well-marked, a Twister board with footprints of the same color and direction. Educational choices were preordained. Career choices fell at his feet. Romance was never easy but always seemed to work out its issues before our hero had
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/25/247/) - The opposite of cranky I have a growth poking out from my left temple. When I woke up ths morning, I thought it was a serious problem. I almost called in sick to work (which is something I very rarely do). As it turned out, I just have an exceptionally ugly pimple. I'm calling him
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/27/246/) - Confessions of a hooligan With seconds to go in a fairly meaningless game, the chant rose above the din. "They can't arrest us all! They can't arrest us all!" It was true and we damned well knew it. There were about 40 law enforcement officers and tens of thousands of fans. Only the very unlucky
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/11/28/245/) - What doesn't change I had a few minutes on this workday (you call it Thanksgiving) to ruminate on the working man's holiday. In an attempt to find inspiration, I looked back at what I wrote last Thanksgiving. I found that little has changed. The good and the bad. I like to remember the good. I
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/02/225/) - The Cabin Sweats It's a tightness...and not a good kind. It starts in the chest like panic attack and slips into the psyche like cheap booze. It's a fever, a need to get out. And it comes at times when it doesn't make sense. Mt. Willis is no cabin, but I felt trapped inside this
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/02/252/) - Who has the power now, buddy? Gotta be careful here. I've heard of people losing their jobs for less. Nevertheless...a quick observation: There is a significant amount of satisfcation in walking into a bathroom while whistling some classical piece (it might have been something from Ravel) and discovering an authority figure bellied up to the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/04/251/) - Southern Armageddon The South operates on a philosophy of perceived strength. It may not have won the so-called War of Northern Aggression, but it survived and still has a Confederate flag to show for it. It turns up its nose at those northern supercilious types and vocally opposes the northern way of doing...things. Stretching from
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/11/250/) - Um...howdy My absence is explainable, but quite uninteresting. Suffice it to say, I've been gone to Chicago and Columbia, SC. And suffice it say I'm on my way to Columbus, OH and Springfield, MO. I'm buried in trying to secure a future while living a present. I'm not doing either very well. Regardless, I'm trying
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/18/279/) - Free Time I didn't win Powerball tonight. That means I have to go back to work in the morning. I would be more depressed about it (maybe somewhere along the lines of drinking too much or driving recklessly for sport), but I have had six consecutive days off work. My wife should be jealous. I've
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/19/278/) - Tornadoes and Bears I mentioned this back in October. I've never seen a bear. I've never seen a hurricane. And I've never seen a tornado. That makes me unhappy. But now...the twisters are stalking me. Yesterday one set down in Missouri, very near my hometown. Minutes ago, another one set down just east of Jackson,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/20/277/) - continued from above The night my dad wrecked his car (he was sober, by the way), I had been sitting in my bedroom with my baseball glove in my hand. I had no plans to play catch with Dad that evening, but when I picked up the glove I had a brief flash of the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/20/276/) - Going home In a couple of hours I'll be on a plane to see my parents. I feel safe just about everywhere I go, but home is the safest place I know. I knew very little fear there...ever. There was some fear, however. It seemed like it happened every night. The ugly woman with the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/24/275/) - Christmas is canceled That was the first thing I heard this morning when I got out of bed. It was meant as a joke, but it had far-reaching ramifications. The traditional family event (50-60 hungry people with gifts, etc) was not going to happen. This is why. More than a foot of snow has fallen
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/26/274/) - Oral sex and those who have tired of it... Disclaimer: This figures to be a PG-13 post if you haven't figured that out yet. Most right-thinking people figured this one out a long time ago: TV news personalities are fake. In 89% of their broadcasts they practice the timeless art of pretending they care when
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/27/273/) - Blaming the sesame chicken The phone rang so hard it almost shook itself off my bedside table. I pulled the cobwebs apart (those that covered my unfocused eyes) and reached for the receiver. Before I remembered I had moved the phone to my wife's side of the bed, the earpiece was against my head. A
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2002/12/31/272/) - Happy New Year As 1:37 tries to find 1:38 AM, I find myself wishing there was someone awake to ask me, "So, what did you do today?". There is not. Only my doggy is out of bed. Scoop just walked in to show me what remains of a giant treat our neighbor gave her tonight.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/01/260/) - Hear from me last night? If you didn't, it's only because I couldn't find your phone number. Somebody REALLY should invent the Breath-A-Phone. Mt. Willis survived again. A little spilled champagne. A broken picture frame (one of my favorite pictures, actually). Several hours of cleaning. Otherwise, a great party. My favorite moment was the 90
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/02/259/) - Otis Unplugged The (Misplaced) Unrepentant Texan offered this piece of thought from the Washington Post. I took to thinking and you know where that leads. The basic question: What pieces of technology could we do without? I used to consider myself a Luddite. I really did. One of my favorite song lines ever is "Blow
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/03/258/) - continued from above Long ago, when I had no real use for my Bellsouth e-mail account, I used it for online registatrion forms. I had no reason to care if that e-mail box was full of processed, pressed, spiced meat. Now, I have Bellsouth DSL and I need the account. after months of simply deleting
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/03/257/) - Therapy for the bird winger There is a poem from Spoon River Anthology (a fantastic work by the way, if you never read it) called "Bert Kessler." It begins... I WINGED my bird, Though he flew toward the setting sun; I've always like that line despite the fact (or perhaps, because)a friend of mine used
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/06/256/) - Manic Monday There's a guy out there somewhere (I can't remember his name) who wrote a book titled Don't Set Goals. I never read the book or read about the book. The most I remember is a spot his publisher ran on the radio. As I recall, the basic idea was to achieve success through
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/06/255/) - Um...duh I'm not a big "go-read-this-guy" (I'm too egomaniacal for that), but... At least I can feel like I'm in the right country.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/07/254/) - Oh, help me, Rhonda The only thing good about second shift TV work is the freedom to sleep a little later in the day. I'm working second shift today for the first time in I don't know how long. And I was getting a little extra sleep. Then the phone rang with some of the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/08/253/) - Change My watch is sneaking toward morning like it wants to get out of the house without waking the girl it just slept with. I don't blame it. I'm an ugly bitch in the morning. Here's the thing...you've been looking at the same damned road signs for more than a year now. I'm no designer
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/09/238/) - "There's not much of the plane left." Those words from NTSB board member, John Goglia... For those who don't know...a plane bound for the airport nearest Mt. Willis crashed on takeoff yesterday morning. All 21 people on board, including three college students from around here, died in the crash and/or fire. I've been on (near)
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/10/237/) - Fatigue and rolling Cluck-Mucker Tuesday--2am...sleepless, frustrated, jacked up on nothing in particular. Finally find restless sleep in my own bed. Wedneday--3:30am...beer didn't work, neither did a workday that rivaled some of the toughest I've had. I'm awake in a hotel bed wondering why my employer didn't shlell out more than $50 for a room. As
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/13/236/) - Leaving without a jet plane The air is crack-frozen, but dryish. People forced to work outside have red noses and fissures in the tiny tissues of their hands. It's a pop-slap in the face of people who warmed themselves in an Indian Summer sun five days ago. Upstate South Carolina's climate is fickle. Not much
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/16/235/) - Yep As the snow slips softly in and out of town, work slides slowly to the south, and warm times with friends seem far too far in the past... I found a little comfort in this picture from a frighteningly fun evening several months ago. I'm back home...but just for about 14 hours. More later.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/19/234/) - Talk about Hazard County On those perfect Springfield, Missouri evenings, those when the crickets started to chirp a little early despite the sun's insistance on hanging a little bit longer, the only thing that could drag me inside was an episode of the Dukes of Hazard. My fascination with the fast-driving, law-breaking goodness of the
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/20/233/) - Fire on the Mountain Mt. Willis actually sits at the base of another much larger mountain... That much larger mountain, Paris Mountain, is on fire. One homeowner has already lost their house. At this point, the people of Mt. Willis have little reason to fear. But let's all just hope the winds stay light tonight.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/21/232/) - The Great Equalizer Those who lament the fate of trailer parks during tornado season have more than likely never been in California during mudslide season, Charleston during hurricane season, or on Paris Mountain during a raging brush fire. Disaster doesn't care about how much a house costs. It just likes to blow the houses down.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/23/231/) - He'll take you where...you wanna go... On a warm spring night, under a stacatto acoustic rhythm, a few slightly inebriated guys chanted that line over and over again. And when it came time for the song's climax, they hit the perfect rhyme...E-Mi-Li-O! That's right. He'll take you where you wanna go...Emilio. My SUV. Or, in
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/23/230/) - My penis froze and fell off I hate to be graphic. I really do. I would really prefer if RER were a place your children could learn to read. But this has been one long fucking day and it isn't over yet. As I write, my penis threatens to fall off from complete embarassment. If
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/24/229/) - Well, guess what? Uh-huh. All penis jokes aside...my pipes exploded. In two places. I was going to shower at work today. On my way out the door I heard the river. After a mad scramble to find a crescent wrench (I would've preferred a Croissanwich) and then another mad scramble to identify the main shut-off
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/26/228/) - Felcher and Sons ... you've gotta be kidding me... Okay...a useless catch near the end of the third quarter cost me $125 in Superbowl pool winnings, so I might be a little bitter right now. But, I've spent the last 20 minutes trying to figure out who was less prepared for Superbowl Sunday. At first
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/28/227/) - Steamship Earth The world politic is a slow moving engine. It grinds against itself on intricate gears, threatens to overheat, and operates in a way few people understand. Most of its citizens couldn't draw one of the engine's pistons with a crayon, let alone diagram the entire thing on a drafting table. Simply put, we--and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/01/29/226/) - Terry Tate, Willard Scott, and the Great Felcher Conspiracy Some of RER's readers might have thought me a little odd. After all, what right-thinking journalist takes time out of his day to point out a sly sex reference in a Reebok Superbowl commercial? Apparently, though it wasn't my plan, I was working toward giving people
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/01/305/) - Ringing phones In the last few months, and especially in the last few days, we have flinched each time the phone rang. Life and our slippery grip on it has been a major topic of conversation among us and our immediate and extended families. And each time the phone rings, we look at each other,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/03/304/) - Bachelor Otis Married Man jokes. He sits around in bars with his buddies and talks about the Marriage Reserves. One weekened a month, two weeks out of the year we'll be bachelors. Then Bachelor Otis Weekend arrives and the boys blow it out like we're single men again. We drink, we play cards, we carouse.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/05/303/) - The Man in the Green Jacket In my line of work, you are forced to listen to a lot of hooey. A woman calls up: "DSS took my kids away. You really should put that on the TV." Upon further questioning, it is revealed DSS took the woman's kids away because she was forcing them
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/10/302/) - Observations in brief Time to write is quite light (not to mention time to rhyme). Nevertheless, a couple of quick observations from the land of money-grubbing churches and ink-pen fancying assassins. So, is it any big surprise the kid from the Dell commercials got busted buying weed last night? I mean, come on. What did
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/11/328/) - Damn it Ever write a really good post then hit the wrong button and delete the whole damned thing? I have half a mind (no jokes, please) to write the whole thing over. But frankly, I just don't feel like it. Leave it at this: My water heater is dripping and I really need to
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/14/280/) - The Poster Boy A man who has known me a long time, a man who admirably puts bad guys in jail for a living, a man I consider one of my closest friends made me think a little. People who know me know I don't take many stands on the most controversial issues. I don't
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/17/241/) - The Great Corn Nut ConspiracyI once knew a guy who stumbled on his way to a pretty good life. He was working as the assistant to the boss' assistant and he had heard there might be a chance he might get the assistantship if the guy above him finally choked on his ego and BBQ
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/21/240/) - Where we've been For just a moment, consider the number of times you've sandwiched yourself inside a club. The types of places where there's not enough room for you and your beer bottle to fit through the crowd, so you carry your brew like an unlit torch through the throng. The types of places when
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/26/239/) - In flux My writing has been erratic. My behavior and phsyical well-bring have been erratic. I'm a bit in flux. I'm not finished writing here. I'm just trying to get my head back together. No need to force ill-considered thoughts on my small but loyal reading public. I'll be back. Hopefull soon.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/02/27/261/) - Briefly... Cold rain may be the most miserable weather of all. It's neither destructive nor does it have that spring-rain musk smell that makes you think of summers to come. It's not a summer storm that gives way to a cool, deck-sitting evening. It's cold rain, that soaks you to your skin, lays your hair
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/10/330/) - Four years Editor's note: Just about 45 minutes after posting this, my life got much, much stranger. As soon as I am able, I'll tell you why. I was born in the middle of a blinding snowstorm on the fourth day of December. Though I don't hold a great deal of fascination with numerology, my
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/10/329/) - Um... No...I'm not going to be a daddy. Nothing quite so earth-shattering. Regardless, it seems significant enough to talk about here. It's hard to write this without seemingly falsely modest or overly boastful. So, I'll leave it at this: I won an award. People tell me its pretty important. I don't know how much of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/12/313/) - I've always belived in marigolds I sometimes stumble after eating Chinese food. I may be allergic to MSG. My head gets a little swimmy, like when you suck the "air" out of a whipped cream cannister. It may go a long way toward explaining why I thought I heard Elizabeth Smart's uncle say, "I've always
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/16/312/) - Orthostatic Hypotension I made it through nearly 30 years of my life without ever fainting or requiring stiches. In a mere 20 seconds this morning I accomplished both. I sit here without the use of my lower lip. I have several stitches in my mouth and chin (the wife says it looks like I've grown
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/17/311/) - Brinksmanship and a fat lip Twenty years from now, my as-yet unconceived child will ask what I was doing when the war of 2003 began. The kid will likely look at me with a cocked head when I say I was only trying to keep my bottom lip from falling off. A more spiritual man
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/19/310/) - One last trivial matter... In a matter of nine or ten hours, this won't matter, as we'll be in the middle of something less than trivial. It probably doesn't matter now. However, in an effort to bring full disclosure to an industry in which I have no stake, I feel like we need to get
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/19/309/) - Outside Outside my window, the wind screams like an air raid siren. Lightning flashes in the sky. Thunder rumbles in the distance. At times, the entire house sounds like it will implode on itself. It is the first real storm of South Carolina spring. On my TV set, Peter Arnett is watching the skies over
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/23/308/) - Peace We're looking for it...internally and externally. This weekend, I sought out something to cool my insides. I found it in the front yard of Mt. Willis. It's called Spring. We should never forget what is happening in other places. But we should also not ignore what's going bwteen our front steps and the street.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/27/307/) - Willin' There's this old Little Feat song that Lowell George wrote. It's been covered a number of times. Right now, I've got a Steve Earle version of it in my CD player. The chorus is the kind of poetry I like to hear. I've been from Tucson to Tucumcari Tehachapi to Tonopah Driven every kind
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/03/31/306/) - Stockholm Syndrome or Mad Max Beyond Ego-Dome, it doesn't matter As a resident broadcast journalist in your daily blog reads, I feel I should have something to say about NBC's termination of its relationship with the infamous Peter Arnett. For those who don't closely follow war correspondents' careers, New Zealand-born Peter Arnett is a Pulitzer
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/02/316/) - The guy across the room I can't recall one time I said more than "Hey, howyadoin?" to a guy named Joe. I never knew his real first and middle names were Antonio Joselita. I didn't know he was Philipino. To be honest, I didn't really know Joe. But I watched him smile a hundred times.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/04/315/) - Seven White Men They are so white they tend to blend in with the room's lightbulbs. The cabal consists of a man from the mountains, a man of the religious right, a man of old school white thought, a newbie I privately have been calling the Hitler Youth, a man of two faces, an old
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/04/314/) - Movin' on up I should be ashamed to admit this, but for some reason I am not. My first real indication that Martin Luther King Jr. was an important man came from The Jeffersons. It was a retrospective episode in which George and Weezie, the dry cleaning magnates, remembered that April in 1968 when King
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/09/342/) - Good luck, buddy Come home soon.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/10/341/) - The life of the amateur gambler I won't go into the few things in my life that increase my heart rate. If something is good enough to put an extra 15 beats per minute on the old ticker, I figure it's sacred enough to keep to myself. However, with that in mind, I will blog-defile
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/11/340/) - Um, yeah, that sounds about right My boss literally wore a riot helmet as he approached my desk. Literally. He peaked out through the plexiglass visor, but didn't speak. The implied plea was clear: "Please don't hit me for what I'm about to do." He took away my Saturday. Forecasts call for 71 degrees, sunny,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/13/339/) - Seemingly random, but clearly connected Sunday thoughts My brother just bought a house in Charlotte. It's amazing how a one-inch facial scar and small, but seemingly permanent goose-egg can increase an average guy's level of vanity by 1000%. My life ain't so bad. I need a sign that says that. Spring is like a sexual
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/14/338/) - Therapy in measures It has something to do with making the light more subtle. If I can find a way to mute or otherwise maim the overhead lights, it soothes the exposed nerve endings. I'm functioning by lamplight at table level. It's casting my shadow on the wall. Jorma is singing and picking. Thanks, Jorma.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/17/337/) - Huh...last April was pretty neat Funny how I run in cycles. I'm like a four stroke engine. We're currently in the April part of the cycle. I just looked back at last April, and I'm pretty much in the same mood I was in then. Jacked up about fun, jacked up about work, jacked up
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/21/335/) - One sick puppy I sense that being a father might suck. On a brief break from a 14-hour workday, I slipped home for an exceedingly healthy dinner of linguine with herbs. I let out the house therapy mutt for her nightly constitutional. She did her duty and began doing the thing that always makes me
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/22/334/) - Crimes of passion If the Internet had enough space, I'd list all the reasons I don't cheat on my wife. However, since even the near-infinite ether likely has its boundries, I'll stick to the most timely reason: I don't cheat on my wife because if she ends up dead, I will go to prison. Frankly,
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/24/333/) - Bradoween Minister of Information Since Baghdad Bob is out of a job, we've hired him to be the Information Minister for Bradoween...which, by the way, is June 7th. Click on these words to see the latest Bradoween Bob news conference. Be sure to turn up your speakers (but not too loud if you're at work).
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/28/332/) - Anatomy of an awards banquet Perhaps the first sign of warning should have been when I actually won a big award. Things like that don't happen. Perhaps the first sign of warning should have been when I allowed the station flight-booker to book me a three-leg flight to Atlantic City. Perhaps the first sign of
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/04/30/331/) - A Family Feud in Dixie The BI-LO Center is one of those multi-use public/private buildings that plays host to all things from tractor pulls to minor league hockey games. Its creation on the edge of Greenville, South Carolina's progressive downtown was seen as a minor coup for the city. It would help build the forward-thinking
- [Rival Crockpot Lid Explosion](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/05/04/rival-crockpot-lid-explosion/) - Cheese bombOne of two things is happening. Either terrorists have infiltrated the kitchen appliance industry or Rival (a big crock-pot maker) just makes a dangerous product.Last night I was making rotel dip for some guests. About two hours in the cooking, the glass lid on the crock-pot just exploded. Hundreds of pieces of glass--big and
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/05/12/289/) - Brief hiatus Sorry it's been so long. Life is very busy. Updates soon on my life and 100 sex offenders. Until then, have fun looking at the glass-filled cheese below.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/05/14/288/) - No My escape from life's poorer characteristics comes in two colors, four suits, 52 cards. When I just can't stand to listen to another fucking word in the real world, I check-raise some poor schmuck on a straight draw and take his chips. It's a virtual world where nobody gets hurt and only egos suffer.
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/05/19/287/) - Ju-Ju Bee-Feces A positive man's positive outlook can positively nosedive for no particular reason. I've always found that to be a perfectly sadistic feature of optimism. Despite a weekend of celebration of bright futures of recent accomplishments, the bad ju-ju of which I often write has returned on the back of a niggling little cold
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/05/23/286/) - Hey, bud...check this one out The guy was only at my house this morning to reappraise my home. So, I don't know why I felt the need to whip out my johnson and sling it over the arm of the couch. After all, this guy didn't give a damn how manly I was. He'd even
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/05/25/285/) - BRADOWEEN IS UPON US! The invites (not that you need one) will hit e-mail boxes in the next couple of days. But...for a sneak peek...click right here, bucko
- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/2003/05/27/284/) - DATELINE-- Damn it The Washington Post reports today that my writing hero, Rick Bragg, will resign from the New York Times. Actually, the word is quit. Resign just sounds to dainty for what's actually happening here. This business sometimes makes my liver hurt. I've learned some things about my hero in the last few days.

## Pages

- [Notable posts](https://rapideyereality.com/notable-posts/) - Daddy's Too Quiet: A South Carolina father's reflections on the Charlottesville terror attack (Bitter Southerner) Grace in the Holy City: On Charleston, a city that turned tragedy into hope (Charlotte magazine) Bust: The night southern poker turned bloody (Bitter Southerner) American Graffiti (2016): Examining the half-life of compassion (WWdN) The monsters are real: When a monster stole
- [Contact](https://rapideyereality.com/contact/) - WEBSITE: BradWillis.net EMAIL: Brad Willis email RER FACEBOOK: RapidEyeReality TWITTER: @BradWillis INSTAGRAM: brad_willis
- [About Rapid Eye Reality](https://rapideyereality.com/about-rapid-eye-reality/) - Back before Twitch and Twitter, back before Facebook, back before being internet famous was a thing, a good friend pulled me aside at a wedding and said, "Have you heard about blogs?" That was the summer of 2001. At the time, I was a reporter for the then #1 television station in Upstate South Carolina.
- [About Brad Willis](https://rapideyereality.com/about-brad-willis/) - Brad Willis is a writer based in Greenville, South Carolina. An award-winning broadcast journalist with a background in political and crime reporting, Willis has worked as a freelance writer and professional blogger since 2005. Willis’ writing and photography have been published by numerous magazines and web sites. He has also served as a commentator and
- [Rapid Eye Reality](https://rapideyereality.com/rapid-eye-reality/)

## Categories

- [2001-2007](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/old-in-way/blogger-days/) - All posts from 2001-2007
- [Blogging](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/suburban-warrior/meta/writing/blogging/)
- [Moving to Canada](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/suburban-warrior/meta/moving-to-canada/)
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- [Suburban warrior](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/suburban-warrior/)
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- [Nature](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/recreation/outdoors/nature/)
- [Devon Epps](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/crime/devon-epps-crime/) - Coverage of Devon Epps’ death and the arrest of his mother Amanda Smith
- [Tiffany Souers](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/crime/tiffany-souers-crime/)
- [Technology](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/recreation/arts-entertainment/technology/)
- [Charity Worley](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/crime/charity-worley-crime/)
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- [Asheville NC](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/local/carolinas/asheville-nc/)
- [John Ludwig](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/crime/john-ludwig/)
- [Sports](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/recreation/sports/)
- [iPhone Photo Project](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/recreation/arts-entertainment/photography/iphone-photo-project/)
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- [DW](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/old-in-way/dw/)
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- [Meta](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/suburban-warrior/meta/)
- [Old & in the way](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/old-in-way/) - Posts from the early years
- [Local](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/local/)
- [Recreation](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/category/recreation/)

## Tags

- [WordPress](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/tag/wordpress/)
- [Blogger](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/tag/blogger/)
- [Canada](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/tag/canada/)
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- [](https://rapideyereality.com/archives/tag/32/)
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