When I finally start killing people…

…I’ll probably get caught. Most killers get caught. The reason is pretty simple: If they can’t control their impulses well enough to avoid killing someone, they probably don’t have enough mental control to elude a bunch of people who are nothing but focused on catching the killer. That said, I stand a pretty good chance at avoiding capture longer than most, because…I have a plan.

The smartest killer is the random killer. Kill people you don’t know when nobody esle is around. The chances of getting caught–especially if you’ve never been arrested before–are pretty slim. Ted Bundy killed women in four states before the law finally took him down. He was even arrested, put on trial for murder, allowed to escape, and go back on more random killing sprees. He killed for so long because he killed fairly randomly. I don’t have to mention the number of unsolved murders out there. It’s frightening.

However, if you’re dumb enough to kill someone you know and you think there is any chance you’ll be a suspect, you have to run. Immediately. You have to change your appearance in subtle ways. You have to be out of the country before anyone even suspects you. If not, you’re screwed. If you stay in the country, you will eventually be caught.

That’s why, if you think there is any chance you might start killing anytime soon, start learning a different language now. I suggest Spanish or Portuguese.

I only bring it up because of the dumb killers–ahem, alleged killers–in the news. They kill, they’re suspected, they try to run. They get caught.

There was once a bad movie made out of a neat novella. I wont even bring up the title, becuase the movie you saw was nothing similar to the story….with the exception of the title. The premise was a television program that took a doomed man (criminal on death row or in prison for life) and set him free. Then, the program set loose the nation. A big reward went to whoever caught the man alive. If he escapes, he wins. If he doesn’t, he goes back to prison. I heard some time ago that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were trying to put together a reality series based on that idea (my guess is they would use someone other than a convict as the quarry). I’d watch. We never really loose the passion for a good game of Hide-and-Seek.

No real point to today’s post. Just something to mull over while I ate my lunch. I should further point out, I have no intention of killing anyone ever. It just doesn’t do anything for me.

Now bank robbery, jewel heists, and con games…there may be something there.

Brad Willis

Brad Willis is a writer based in Greenville, South Carolina. Willis spent a decade as an award-winning broadcast journalist. He has worked as a freelance writer, columnist, and professional blogger since 2005. He has also served as a commentator and guest on a wide variety of television, radio, and internet shows.

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