Research needed

If anyone can find the following two statistics for me, it would free me up to have a fun weekend without spending hours in front of the computer.

–The approximate size (length, width, or approximate total volume) of a giraffe’s vagina.

–The approximate size (length, width, or approximate total volume) of a cow’s vagina.

Please provide links to primary sources.

Please shoot me an e-mail or leave a comment if you have the answer.

Your reward will be one of the two (your choice):

1) I will publish your name here in recognition of your mad researching skills
2) I will not publish your name here, thus sparing recognition of your knowledge of animal reproductive anatomy

Thank you in advance for saving me countless hours of research and the inevitable government Internet watchdog phone call.

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Brad Willis

Brad Willis is a writer based in Greenville, South Carolina. Willis spent a decade as an award-winning broadcast journalist. He has worked as a freelance writer, columnist, and professional blogger since 2005. He has also served as a commentator and guest on a wide variety of television, radio, and internet shows.

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9 Responses

  1. 1. The same size as Rosie O’Donnell’s head.
    2. About 9.5 inches.

  2. This sounds like a job for Daddy…

    Since I love a good challenge, I gave it a shot. Unfortunately, after trying all the obvious Google and Wiki searches (elephant anatomy, vagina, reproduction, mating, size, vagina size, etc), I started trying the not-so-obvious. When I got to Elephant Erotica, my government computer shut down and my phone started to ring.

    Should I answer it?

  3. You have a very serious problem that likely requires professional help.

    Have you tried calling the G-Vegas zoo?

  4. Anonymous Anonymous says:

    Cows don’t have a vagina per se. They have one hole with two paths, one for poop and one for goo.

    as far as Giraffe vagina, its at least this big:
    http://www.tribemagazine.com/board/showthread.php?t=124653

  5. Anonymous Little Willie says:

    Interesting question, brother. Here is your answer:

    A vagina (no matter what species you are investigating) does not have a fixed volume. A vagina actually is only a “potential space”, the volume of which is only determined by the item filling it. Without an intruding object (penis, tampon, smooth-surfaced fruit, etc), the vagina will have no volume at all. The walls of the vagina will always be touching each other, only to be separated by blood, foreign object, offspring traveling through the birth canal, etc.

    Of course, there is likely and average “resting length” for each of the species you mentioned, but this will vary based on age and stage in the reproductive cycle.

    Lastly, this poses an entirely different mathematical quandry. Do all vessels have to have a positive valued volume if the have a measurable length, width and height?

    I will keep an eye out at work this weekend and take some measurements on some of my larger and/or long-necked patients.

  6. Anonymous Uncle Ted says:

    And, more importantly, if something is inserted into said giraffe vagina, does it cause it to scream out “Bleeeyaaatch?”

  7. Anonymous Kym says:

    umm… i got nuthin’ on the cow vs. giraffe vagina. i suppose you could ask a bull or a male giraffe?

    i’m just here to let you know that you’re content area is on perpetual center justification as viewed in firefox.

    thank you and good luck.

  8. Depends on the size of the male giraffe’s penis, doesn’t it?

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