Friday Mental Massage: The Toxicity Edition
This was not the best week I’ve ever had. It wasn’t the worst, by far, but in terms of week’s I’d rather not re-live, this one ranks in the top 50 or so. I can think of maybe two or three moments during the week when I thought, wow, this is great. So, let’s massage a few toxins from the noodle, eh?
- How much was in that bottle?–So, yesterday, I was getting ready to take off to the park for an hour when I thought it would be a good idea to poke my head in on the boy. He’s newly independent during play time–a great thing. The empty four-ounce bottle of generic Children’s Tylenol next to him–not such a great thing. After we went through the whole, “How much of that did you drink?” routine, I screamed at the wife to join us. Turns out the bottle was 3/4 full or so when the kid pulled a Daddy and drank it all. Three doctors and Poison Control agree (!) that the amount the boy chugged was not enough to mess up his liver. To answer the questions I have received. No, I have no idea how the boy got the childproof top off the bottle. Yes, I know how the bottle was left in his reach. Yes, he seems to be feeling fine. Yes, panic sucks as much as you might think. No, I’m not still angry, but it took 16 hours of fuming before I chilled. An interesting side note: the final doctor told us to postpone the boy’s trip for dental work today because any pain killer they might give him might push him over the level of toxicity. Thanks for all the messages of concern. Especially, thanks to my highly medicated friend Pauly who sent this message: “Put on some Pink Floyd on the stereo and let him mellow out.”
- I am a cliché–After the silliness subsided, I couldn’t focus on anything for a while, so I did what every Man does. I went to Home Depot. I bought ten-penny nails and a bunch of wood. An hour later, I was in my attic putting down more space to put our rapidly growing pile of junk. Of course, I hit my thumb with a hammer…because I am a walking, hammering cliché. It hurts worse than a cliché should.
- Completely baffled by the NFL–The called-back touchdown in the Pittsburgh/San Diego game last week was as ugly as it gets. I started checking to make sure Tim Donaghy didn’t have a new job. According to my friends who know these things, the swing in Vegas was anywhere between $66 and $100 million. And people are worried about poker being rigged.
- Trans-Siberian Orchestra–The wife and I are taking a night out for the first time in a month this weekend. On Blood’s recommendation, we’re joining another couple couples for Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Normally, when I pay this much for music tickets I know at least a couple things about the band. In this case, I know nothing and am flying on recommendation and the chance to go out with friends.
- Pre-holiday jitters–You know, I love holidays. I really do. They are steeped in tradition and are full of great memories for me. Anymore, though, I’d almost rather just skip from Halloween to New Year’s Eve. To say I’m not looking forward to the next month would be a mild understatement. Only thing that keeps me going is trying to give the boy memories that are as good as the ones I made in my childhood.
- Sometimes….–even the Mental Massage doesn’t work, which is why I bid you all a good weekend. Be safe, y’all.