Who (What) the Beltway Sniper Is (Isn’t)

A profile by a know-nothing

The man (undoubtedly a man, because women are more often than not courageous in their hostility and like to be face to face with someone when they do their dirty work) is more than likely not married. Even the most naive of wives might start to get curious if every time their husband left to buy a loaf of bread or six pack of beer the national news starts talking about another victim of the sniper. If the sniper is married, his wife should be brought up on conspiracy charges. Or if she for some reason hasn’t figured it out, she should be brought up on charges of stupidity.

The sniper is not under the age of 24. His ugly work is not impetuous. It requires weeks–if not months–of planning. Think about it. He had to buy his .223 shells months in advance and with cash. He has to have a clean gun that has never been used for any crime before. He has to have stockpiled months worth of spending cash to avoid credit/debit card receipts. Otherwise, Big Brother would be spanking him already. Why 24? That’s an aribitrary age I picked out of the air. But, from my own personal experience, I was about that old when I started planning more than a week in advance for anything. And I’m a pretty average guy.

The sniper is not an idiot and will not move out of the Washington D.C. / Maryland / Virginia area. He has to be able to get back home to avoid staying in hotels, campgrounds, or sleeping in his car. If he should move out of that area, it will not be far. And if he moves far, it will be his downfall. A good law enforcement agency will do credit card searches at every hotel, send beat cops to toss campgrounds, and send the state police to every rest stop to check for sleeping malcontents.

So…who is he? He’s a white guy in his early to mid 30’s. He’s former military or law enforcement or he has been denied access to one of those jobs due to a mental or physical problem. He’s a single guy who might have had some luck with women, but not enough to keep him satisfied and nothing long-term. There is a chance he was once married, but is now divorced or seperated. He probably spent some time target shooting on other living things (deer, birds, squirrels, etc). He more than likely cools his conscience with some for of depressant (for this guy it is probably booze).

Or…probably not. Maybe he’s married guy from another country who really doesn’t like your average American. Maybe. But I doubt it.