Scenes from Otis’ Medula Oblongata

The Steers: How is it that I hadn’t been to Texas since I got lost on San Antonio’s Riverwalk after dark (circa 1986 or so) but I’m now going back to the Lone Star state for the second time in four weeks. First it was Dallas and now it’s Houston. This trip is of the 50-hour variety and involves, if you can believe it, a Le Mans race. I’m not sure there’s ever been a time in my life that I would’ve been excited about going to a Le Mans race. This time, the lack of excitement is lacking even more because the surprise trip has canceled a trip to my favorite music festival, to which I can only say, “Blah.”

The Queers (and stop being so offended — this story is about my friends): At an Irish pub with some buddies, two of whom are gay, but not of the “blinking sign, hey look at me, leather pants, I’m actually watching https://www.twinkmovies.xxx/ with one eye whilst talking to you” variety. One of them is trying to fasten a gold chain around his neck but can’t get it to click. The other tries to help but is unsuccessful. When the waitress returns to the table, buddy #1 says, “Can you give me a hand here?” Waitress says, “Yeah, I probably should,” and then in a whisper, “because you guys look sorta gay.”

The Cognative Dissonance: Did I actually celebrate being told I wasn’t going to Barcelona? Did I do that? (Note: To be fair, the Barcelona trip would’ve extended a six week trip into a seven-week trip, so you see my point).

On Dealing with Contractors:

Project manager: We will start your project in the middle of April.

~~Middle of April passes~~

Mrs. Otis: When will you start?

Receptionist: Someone will call you next week to assign you a project manager.

Otis: I thought we already had a project manager.

~~One week passes~~

Mrs. Otis: When will you start?

Receptionist:Somebody will call you on Tuesday.

~~Monday~~

Project mananger: Sorry, you got lost in the shuffle. We’re going to start on Wednesday. I will be the project manager.

Otis: That’s great. You mean the Wednensday when I have out-of-town guests, three days before I have a huge yard sale, and one week before I leave for a business trip?

Project mananger: Yeah, that’s the one.

Otis: And when will you be finished?

Project mananger: Will take about a week.

~~Phone rings one hour later~~

Receptionist: Otis? Hi, this is Sherry from Colonoscopy Home Maintenance. I wanted to call and let you know we’re ready to assign you a project manager.