Of bed sores and blubber

I slept a lot in college. Actually, to be fair, I slept as much or little as anyone else. I just scattered my sleeping time around and it happened to fall at the times when a lot of other people were awake. For this…I earned the none-too-flattering nickname…Bed Sore.

Since college I’ve taken a job with semi-regular hours and am forced to get up before lunch. My self-esteem has recovered and I can now look back and smile at the idea of being called Bed Sore. Except for days like today. Days I’ve wasted.

I did as close to nothing as a man can do today. It’s now around a quarter ’til one in the morning. I’ve been out of bed for around 14 hours. In that time, I haven’t showered. I haven’t shaved. I did brush my teeth, but that was out of a renewed love for oral-health that I will describe at a later date. I watched a lot of bad football. I ate a lot of bad food. In short, I’ve done next to nothing.

And I think I’m starting to stink.

A man can only sink into couch cushions for so many hours before he starts stewing in his own juices. I’m wearing the same blue jeans I put on Friday night before I tipped back too many brown bottles. In fact, now that I look, I’m wearing the same shirt I was wearing Friday night. I found it hanging on my bed post this morning and I thought…hey, why dirty-up another shirt. This one already stinks.

And I think I’m putting on weight.

About two years ago I realized that I had ballooned to my largest weight ever. I stopped eating McDonald’s (for reasons of principle about which you can read in Southern Comfort’s Boycott section). I stopped drinking soda that had sugar in it. I dropped about 20 pounds and was satisfied. But…after my day on the couch, I think my body is involuntarily wintering. It’s like my body knows it’s about to get cold and it wants to protect my innards.

Or it could be that I’m just getting fat and lazy.

So…now it’s getting closer to 1AM. I should’ve been asleep an hour ago

I’m going to hit the sack and try not to dream about those days when my college buddies would poke my belly and scream for me to giggle like the Pilsbury Dough Boy.