Where’s the beef?

I am destined to go down that long road. It is worn by tired feet and littered with so many discarded catch phrases that fad-clearing snow plows have to rumble through once a week. The “Where’s the Beef” lady ran down that mortal coil. Mikey from Life cereal found his way back, but just long enough to be ridiculed for attempting to continue his popularity.

Soon…the Truth Check Guy will offer his last bit of faux-wisdom.

Oh, sure. Right now it’s all fun and games. The liquor store clerk is discounting my booze. Semi-important people are taking my calls. My bosses give me carte blanche…or at the very least carte biege. But, like all good fad diets and good old Eagles tunes, this moment shall fade.

For those who have not yet heard (all 11 billion of you), I have spent the last three months of my life digging for the ultimate truths of poltics. Before you laugh, it is possible. And my colleagues and I have found a way to turn into a TV segment. Truth Check. The Truth behind the skulduggery.

The upcoming South Carolina election will put a merciful end to the life of Truth Check Guy if some others don’t do the dirty deed first. I’ve already heard death threats. It is only a matter of time.

Sure, there may be some syndicated version on FOX someday. Sandwiched in between “Who Wants to Marry the Rally Monkey?” and “Survivor: Brady Bunch” the Truth Check Guy will host his own show in which he seeks for higher truths in the form of wacky stunts performed by pez dispensers.

Until then, Truth Check Guy will shuffle down the trail head to where that long, lonely road begins, muttering the phrases that won him six months of daily bread. And while he’s said “There’s more to this claim,” more times than he cares to count, he knows very well that soon there will be no more.

I wonder if the “Where’s the Beef” lady needs a roommate?