Karma, she is a bitch

You know why you don’t kick a man when he is down? Because he’s a lot closer to your balls than if he were standing up.

Indeed, I gloated about my ability to find cheaper airfare than my friends. I even worried that a little gloating could screw me.

I haven’t been so screwed since that night in college when…oh, nevermind. Here’s the rundown of how my hour and fifteen minute trip to Memphis turned into more than half a day.

10:50am–Pick up Toenails at his house and eye his oversized “carry-on” bag with a little worry. I’m not overly concerned, though, because, in most cases, we’re going to gate-check the bag with a little tag and avoid official checking.

11:15am–Arrive at airport and start making plans for what happens if the airline officials start asking questions about the spelling of Toenails’ name.

11:17am–Sigh with relief when I realize I can check Toenails in by myself and he doesn’t have to swipe a credit card to get his boarding pass.

11:17am +30 seconds–Curse out loud in front of an old lady when I realize our perfect flight has been canceled due to weather. Our new flight isn’t scheduled to fly out until after 5pm.

11:18pm–Listen to Toenails’ suggestion that we try to get re-booked on a different airline. Further listen to his suggestion that we lie and tell the desk agent we’re invested $10,000 deep into an event that starts at 5pm.

11:35am–It works and we’re re-booked to fly out on a delayed flight to Atlanta and connect on a 2:43pm flight to Memphis. Well, it works except for the fact that a bitchy Delta agent makes Toenails check his bag. I bet Toenails $10 he won’t see his bag in Memphis when we get there.

1:00pm–After the inbound flight from Atlanta is delayed, we finally get on our flight.

1:50pm–I realize we should be on the ground in Atlantia already and futher realize that we are flying in circles.

2:42pm–Our flight to Memphis is scheduled to depart Atlanta. We land and I call the airline to discover our outbound flight is delayed until 3:20pm and we will have time to make it to the gate.

3:00pm–We make it to the gate in time to discover the flight is now delayed until 5:12pm.

3:01pm–Toenails and I find the nearest bar and start playing gin. We each go back to the gate every fifteen minutes to make sure everything is fine.

4:15pm–On my trip back to the gate, I notice our flight is no longer listed. I determine quickly that our flight has been canceled. I run back to the bar, grab Toenails and our bags and run for the re-booking desk.

4:20pm–I get on the phone while Toenails stands in line. The lady on the phone says I can get on standby for a 5:00pm flight, but it’s not worth it because the standby line is already 20 deep. She says we’re booked on a 9:43pm flight and we can get on standby for a 8:58pm flight.

4:35pm–Toenails has once again lied to a gate agent and told her we are $10,000 invested into a poker tournament. As he grabs me, he tells me the agent has done “some illegal shit” to get us on the 5pm flight. We proceed to run to another concourse.

5:00pm–It is determined that the only “illegal shit” the agent has done is move us up to #15 on the standby list. I decide I feel like shit and want to go back home.

7:00pm–We arrive in another concourse to sit on standby for the 8:58 flight, which an old lady tells me I look good to get on. We resume playing gin. I’m losing.

8:00pm–The 8:58 flight is now delayed until 9:30 (15 minutes before our confirmed flight is scheduled to take off). The old lady now tells me I don’t look as good to get on her flight.

9:00pm–I decide we might as well just go get on our 9:43pm flight and we walk to another concourse and go to a bar.

9:30pm–Our 9:43pm flight is delayed until 10:10pm. The only good news is that our gate is moved to the one across the way form the bar.

10:10pm–Our plane actually arrives.

11:00pm–We actually make it into the air.

11:29pm (central time)–We land in Memphis.

11:59pm–After rushing to the car rental place, getting my car, and getting back to the airport, I discover Toenails’ bag has actually arrived on our plane. Combined with my gin losses, I’m now down $20 and 12 hours.

12:29am–We arrive in Tunica, MS. Toenails puts my $20 on black and wins.

Karma, she is a bitch.

Labels: Travel