What happened?

I long ago gave up the idea of chronicling everything that happens to me when I’m in Las Vegas during the World Series of Poker. I burn every candle at both ends and from the center. If I was going to write, most of it would be pretty horrible anyway. So, here are some highlights and lowlights from my July.

• Number of days gone: 17
• Shortest workday: 11 hours
• Longest workday: 22 hours
• Most sleep I got: 8 hours (one night)
• Least sleep I got: 3 hours (three nights)
• Average sleep per night: 5 hours
• Oddest moment: Nearly becoming the punching bag of a man believed to be Snoop Dogg’s father.
• Most satisfying moment: Chopping a two-day poker tournament for enough money to pay my mortgage for the rest of the year.
• Funniest thing I heard: A colleague (and then a room full of people) singing the Beatles’ “Hello Goodbye” with the words “Goodbye” and “Hello” replaced with the first and last names of poker player Hassan Habib.
• Silliest moment: Walking in on a coke deal in the middle of the Palms Casino bathroom
• Silliest moment redux: Having the coke dealer offer me drugs five minutes later outside the bathroom
• Biggest rumor I created/perpetuated: That Danny Gans death after moving to perform at the Wynn was “very suspicious.”
• Most unbelievable lie I told: That my two British partners were Prussian.
• Number of limes I tossed for money: 1
• Number of times I won a limestossing match: 1
• Number of Atomic Fireballs consumed by my team: Approximately 480
• Number of times my partners and I entered a taxi cab in an area where entering taxi cabs was forbidden: 1
• What the cab driver said after picking us up and getting the stinkeye from the guy who ran the cab stand: “What’s he gonna do? I’ll slam his fucking head in a door.”
• The above accounts for about 15% of what happened during my time in Las Vegas this summer. Without consulting an attorney, that’s about all I can reveal.