Turning off
Let me preface this by saying that there is no either place I’d rather be and given the choice, I’d pick being home every time. Still, making the mental transition from the Vegas war...
Category: Health
Frolf body
I rolled over this morning and wished I’d had a mirror nearby. By all indications, I’d been in a car wreck, and I wanted to know how bad it had been. Had my beautiful...
When 90% is all you get
I had neither shaved nor showered in 48 hours and the doctor who looked like John Grisham was telling me how he was going to stick a two-inch needle into my newborn’s spinal column....
It’s not for my nipples
“Call me when you leave the gym,” my wife said. “I’m not sure if I’m going to have time to pick up my prescription.” I was listening. I promise. Just not enough to ask...
Mmmm, bacon
It’s comfort food week on Mt. Otis. I made an old school taco salad last night–really traditional, uninventive, and awesome beyond words. Near the end of the prep work, I almost went avant-garde. I...
When you gonna put the paint on my belly?
Katie looked at me and pulled out her tools. I looked back and remembered I hadn’t worn my wedding ring. I felt guilty as the blond, taut woman put her hand on my arm...
Deja true
I have a hard time believing in the supernatural. I’m a literalist turned existentialist turned fatalist turned optimist. I find it easier to be part of the -mist than a -list. You understand, I’m...
Adventures in customer service (Part 1)
I like to produce as much as I like to consume. I think it has something to do with my heretofore unstated need for validation and affection. My insurance doesn’t pay for therapy, so...
Early warning system
My kid cannot keep a secret. I don’t think he even tries. Despite being an exceptionally intelligent child, I’m not sure he grasps the idea of confidence. To him, secrecy means you tell somebody...
Maters
“I have too many tomatoes!” It’s a common cry this time of year. People with plants or who have been overzealous in an afternoon of picking at the farm find themselves with 40 pounds...
Define “benefit”
The first time I saw this headline, I thought, “That might be funny. I’ll come back to it later and see if I still think so.” I still think so.
Making my wife happy
My wife has never said this, but I get the impression she loves the fact I am out of shape and stupid. My kid’s fourth birthday party got me thinking about it. As I...
You want pictures? You got pictures.
Post useless without pics. —Pauly Well, the bleeding has finally stopped. It took a little less than 24 hours. I consider that a win. As I mentioned last night, my left index finger lost...
Ginger fingers
It is my wife’s birthday. She gets a kick out of the fact I call her MILFy. She says it makes her feel sexy, like one of the MILF’s on hdpornmovies.xxx. It turns her...