2010 Mastodon Weekend

This morning I awoke to a text from Al.

“Bad beat,” he wrote. “Room won’t be ready until 3pm.”

He’d been on the road all night and hadn’t slept. The hotel at which he had a reservation wasn’t ready for him. He had nowhere to crash.

I rallied out of bed and started exploring options. By the time I had a solution figured out, Al was overlooking the Reedy River falls from one of the nicest hotel suites in Greenville.

“Any price for comfort,” he said.

To look at Al or any of the other 25 people with whom I’ll be associating over the next few days, you wouldn’t guess that we have a room block at Greenville, SC’s best hotel. You wouldn’t guess we’re world travelers or enjoy the finer things in life. We are collectively long-hairs, wild-eyed maniacs, professional drinkers, and other things that can’t be written about in this forum. In our private lives, we are lawyers, writers, entrepreneurs, medical professionals, and executives. If you were to see us this weekend, you might wonder if the circus is in town or there was a jailbreak.

G-Rob named it “Mastodon Weekend” last year, an homage to the mastodon’s inability to evolve. It was simply an excuse for a few buddies to get together and cause some trouble. This year, it’s grown. Now somewhere between two and three dozen people are coming in from out of town for no other reason than it seems sort of fun. We are people who are either unable or loathe to evolve.

Out of town means more than “Big Pirate is driving up from Columbia” (which he is, by the way). By early Friday, we will have people on the ground from L.A., San Francisco, Chicago, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Las Vegas, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Detroit, Cincinnati, Washington D.C., St. Louis, Charlotte, Greensboro, and Asheville. That does not include the two people who are driving down from north of Toronto.

Yes, Canada.

I know, none of it makes any sense. Hell, we ended up with a benefactor for part of this year’s events. Thanks to Bustout Poker Apparel (website launching this weekend) for its support.

Last year, we had no plan and ended up seeing Motley Crue for no other reason than they were playing down the street.

We found ourselves racing rickshaws (for money) around downtown Greenville. After an accident, Shep had to be told, “If it still hurts in a week, get an x-ray.ā€

We went to a dive bar in which my brother remarked (after returning two shots of Grand Mar with dead bugs floating in them), “Iā€™m pretty sure the smell of Pine Sol is being used to cover up the smell of murder.ā€

And then a bunch of stuff happened that will never be written about.

Now, Mastodon Weekend 2010 is about to kick off. If you happen to be the type to frequent downtown Greenville, you might want to make other plans for the next few days.

Or, better yet, join us.

Brad Willis

Brad Willis is a writer based in Greenville, South Carolina. Willis spent a decade as an award-winning broadcast journalist. He has worked as a freelance writer, columnist, and professional blogger since 2005. He has also served as a commentator and guest on a wide variety of television, radio, and internet shows.

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7 Responses

  1. betty says:

    Adult Responsibility Syndrome SUCKS! I’ll be thinking of you all…

  2. Dr. Chako says:

    I am flying first to Chicago where I will meet up with CK for our journey to Mastodonia. I think she set up her flight in order to take all my money at Chinese poker on the plane.

    See you tomorrow night.


    PS. I tried explaining this madness to one of my colleagues. The look on his face was priceless.

  3. Bam-Bam says:

    “the two people who are driving down from north of Toronto”
    obviously have issues. They may never evolve!

    As a matter of fact, they might as well be Mastodons.

    OH …. wait!


  4. Uncle Ted says:


  5. BWoP says:

    Full and fair disclosure: The whole point of taking The Doc’s money is to fund the next shoe shopping excursion with The Wife.

    Everybody’s a winner!

    See you soon.


  6. The Wife says:

    I wish you could bottle the fun and send it back with my husband . . .

  1. March 5, 2010

    […] it looks as though I might have overshot the 2010 Mastodon Weekend by about, oh, 675 miles or something. While others degen it up in G-ville, I am spending the […]