Under pressure
If my wife’s to-do list was somebody’s face, I’d be awaiting a bond hearing right now, because I beat the hell out of that thing in the past ten days. I put down an...
Category: Suburban warrior
Friday Mental Massage: 08/08/08 Edition
It’s been a great while since I did an old fashioned Friday Mental Massage. I need a good mental chop-chop right now. So, let’s get to it, shall we? I am an unabashed Brett...
Baby Daddy
My wife walked in the door. I said what I normally say before getting up from my comfortable chair. “Hey, baby. You need any help?” She’s always carrying something. Groceries. A sleeping kid. The...
Otis, the Lime Tosser
What did I do in Las Vegas for entertainment? See a show? Go to a club? Helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon? Nope, I took fifteen minutes at the end of most nights to...
Front row
There used to be a day when I didn’t have very much money. By that, I mean if there was any money left over after paying bills and eating, it was usually enough to...
One second
I slammed on the brakes and came to a hard stop in the middle of Chick Springs Road. I was sweating from four miles of semi-hiking through some park trails. My iPod was blaring...
Go crazy with me
Pretend we’ve just had six beers apiece. Pretend we’re sitting in a bar where you can actually hear me talk and the only one interrupting us is the bartender, and he only wants to...
Tom Green goes home
It was the middle of the morning or middle of the night. Describing the actual time is pointless. It was simply one of those moments in Vegas when the sun isn’t up and people...
Nuked
Imagine waking up one day and realizing, in the eyes of God, you no longer exist. In the world of the world wide web, there’s no questiton who pulls the strings. No matter whether...
A father’s love
What kind of father am I? With just a couple of days before I leave for a three-weak run in Vegas, I should be teaching my son how to build a house, or at...
Where we experiment with Windows Live Writer
The thing about not having been a Steve Jobs disciple is that…well, it’s hard to be a cool kid in John Hodgman’s world. He’s the only one who is allowed to be cool. Still,...
Twelve years in love, eight years official
You should have seen her. She wore denim overall shorts and a shirt that rose up over her hips. Everything about her turned me into a 13-year-old boy. The bare section of her midriff...
Jesus made me do it
Here on Mt. Otis, we are some of the worst excuse makers around. Ask my kid why he did something bad, and he’ll respond, “Because I did.” Ask the wife why she’s acting like...
Comment spammers, Barack Obama, RFK, and Hillary
Blog comment spammers are the equivalent of the guy you catch masturbating in the car next to you at the stop light and honking his car horn. He’s not not going to get anyone’s...