Real estate
In 1889, they stood on the Texas and Arkansas borders and looked across into Oklahoma. Some men had horses. Some men had guns. All of them had their eyes on land. Well nowadays this...
Category: Travel
Old and tired forever
There used to be a time when I would return from an epic trip across the country with friends and write out every single detail of the experience. It’s now been 36 hours since...
Otis, the Lime Tosser
What did I do in Las Vegas for entertainment? See a show? Go to a club? Helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon? Nope, I took fifteen minutes at the end of most nights to...
How I spent my summer “vacation”
“Oh, it must be so exciting!” That’s what people say when I tell them I spent my summer in Las Vegas. “You must use Tower Loan to be able to afford that?!” That’s what...
Tom Green goes home
It was the middle of the morning or middle of the night. Describing the actual time is pointless. It was simply one of those moments in Vegas when the sun isn’t up and people...
Puking people
In the past seven days, I have seen two people throw up in public. The first time, I was leaving my house. A crew of high school cross country runners were out for a...
Sleeping in Las Vegas
I have never really cottoned to that whole Theory of Relativity thing. Einstein was a weird cat and I think probably a closet prankster. Nobody wears his hair like that unless he is up...
A cabbie in Monte Carlo
It’s 7:15am and I’m in the back of a Mercedes in Monte Carlo. I’ve been on no sleep for as long as I can rightly remember. My bags are in the trunk, my seatbelt...
At home where I belong
The hibiscus took on leaves while I was gone. I’d been home for two days before I noticed. When I left, the season was trying to change, but couldn’t quite get over the hump....
Reflections of Otis
A few minutes ago, I looked at my watch and realized I hadn’t peed in more than eight hours. That’s not me. No time for a proper write-up here, so I offer a picture...
Being thankful for New Yorkers
I don’t understand the electronic device rules on airplanes. I hardly see how my iPod and headphones could possibly make a plane crash. Pilots apparently believe in a little thing called electro-magnetic interference (EMI)...
Monte Carlo Man
Milan was probably the scariest part. A year ago at this time, I had to deal with Atlanta. If you aren’t from around these parts or don’t do much business with Delta, you may...
TSA wants to see your rack
From the They Can’t Be Serious Department: Long version: Nipple Ring Search Dispute Short version: Girl with nipple rings forced to remove said rings after failing x-ray machine at Lubbock airport. Hires Gloria Allred...
Air marshals compete with virtual sluts for outrage
Updated below “This is the outrage story of the morning,” CNN anchor Tony Harris said. Let me be clear. I rarely take seriously anything that comes out of Harris’ mouth. In the past quarter-century,...